- City Inspector: [Flips coin] Call it, friendo.
- Homer Simpson: Heads! No, tails! No, on its side!
- [coin falls on it side]
- City Inspector: Well played.
- City Inspector: "Go, Dog, Go", pages missing. Lego spaceship, poorly constructed. Clearly this is the appartment of elementary school children. Too bad. I was really looking forward to killing you and making it look like a suicide.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, thank you, friendo!
- City Inspector: I am not your friendo.
- Homer Simpson: But I thought...
- Lisa Simpson: It says here that Springfield Elementary is so bad it's two deviations below the norm.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, I can't understand that math reference because I went to Springfield Elementary!
- Bart Simpson: We have to go back to Springfield. I just remembered I was playing hide-and-seek with Milhouse.
- Milhouse: [In the dumpster back of the Kwik-E Mart] Three weeks! This must be a new record!
- Miss Hoover: Three, two, one. Okay children, I've just been granted tenure, so Im gonna sit back and let Ralph teach for a while.
- Ralph Wiggum: Class in what year was one plus one. The answer is The amazing Ralph!
- [Jumps out window]
- Marge Simpson: [Marge is downtown, sensing the 'call of nature', and can't find a public convenience, until she sees Springfield Elementary School] Schools have bathrooms, and I'm a woman, so my going in unattended won't cause a panic.