- Lisa Simpson: Dad, I don't want to hurt people.
- Homer Simpson: Very well. I guess you don't need this big girl book.
- Lisa Simpson: I'm a big girl!
- Homer Simpson: [depressed] I tried to fix the kids' lives, but instead I led them to rich and rewarding personal decisions of their own.
- Homer Simpson: Ooh, lamb kebab!
- [he eats the kebab]
- Homer Simpson: Ooh, chicken kebab!
- [he eats it, as well]
- Homer Simpson: [grabbing a lit fire juggling stick] Ooh, fire kebab!
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, no!
- Bart Simpson: [cutting in front of Lisa] Dad, yes!
- Homer Simpson: [Watching Bart and Lisa at school] My son is a loser, and my daughter is a loner. Way to go, Marge!
- Marge Simpson: It feels like a sauna in here.
- [Sees sign over door reading "Springfield Saunas"]
- Marge Simpson: It is a sauna! It must have been put here by a previous owner. This house is full of surprises, but this is the first one that's pleasant.
- Marge Simpson: Here, Homer. Have some beets. I boiled all the red out of them.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, I can still taste undercurrents of pink.
- Lisa Simpson: Here, dad. Maybe this will help.
- Homer Simpson: It feels like food, but it has no flavor whatsoever! What is it?
- Lisa Simpson: Mac and cheese from the school cafeteria. The blandest food known to man.
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, if I join a clique, I'd become someone I hate.
- Homer Simpson: Lisa, our country was founded by a clique, the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
- Lisa Simpson: Those are good examples.
- Homer Simpson: I'm a good father to both my children.
- [to Maggie]
- Homer Simpson: Well, hello there. Who do you belong to?
- Homer: Hey, Lenny. It takes a lot of courage to wear suspenders when you're not in the circus.
- Lenny: Well, that's very nice of you...
- [realises]
- Lenny: Hey! Are you saying my clothes are clown-like?
- [panics]
- Lenny: Oh, God. I feel so insecure. Please be my friend.
- Homer: See? It works. And unsults are just the beginning.