Comedy Central Roasts (TV Series)

Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget (2008)

John Stamos: Self - Roast Master

Quotes 

• [about Bob hosting "America's Funniest Home Videos"] 

  John Stamos : His entire job consisted of saying "take a look at this." Which is what he used to say to Mary-Kate Olsen in her dressing room.

• John Stamos : Bob, I was with you for 192 episodes of "Full House." And I can honestly say you don't have a funny bone in your body. Unless, of course, you count the one time you sat on Dave Coulier's cock. And by "sat on," I mean "hungrily backed into." And by "one time," I mean "eight seasons."

• John Stamos : I tried to get our next roaster's autograph; then I realized she wasn't Gene Simmons. Please welcome the least attractive cast member on Curb Your Enthusiasm, Susie Essman!

  Susie Essman : Thank you, pretty boy! I had no idea, John, you had such a sharp tongue. That must really hurt Saget's ass.

• John Stamos : Bob's last HBO special was called "That Ain't Right." It should have been called "That Ain't Watchable."

• John Stamos : Tonight, we're here to pay tribute to an actor, an author...

  [shrugging] 

  John Stamos : ...director, humanitarian, and incomparable showbiz whore. I'm talking, of course, about Bob Saget.

  [cheers and applause] 

  John Stamos : So, the good news is we're here to bust Saget's balls. The bad news is it's yet another show starring Bob Saget.

  [laughter] 

  John Stamos : Which means it won't be funny and it'll go on for fucking ever.