House M.D. (TV Series)

Joy to the World (2008)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

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Quotes 

• Dr. Gregory House : [about the baby]  What's going to happen to her?

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I spoke to both sets of grandparents. It's too painful. They're putting her up for adoption.

  Dr. Gregory House : What are you going to do?

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I already spoke to a lawyer. I become a foster parent and then I adopt.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to a patient]  In seven months, you'll have a virgin birth. Merry Christmas.

• Dr. Chris Taub : [speaking of Cuddy]  Just tell her how you feel. If you won't, then I will. I'll walk right down there. Damn it. Love like this needs to fly free.

  Dr. Gregory House : [Kutner and Thirteen muffle their laughs]  You talked to Wilson.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Wilson]  Oh, I get it. You're trying to get me to prove you wrong, then I'm going to be nice to all my patients all through the holiday season and then Mr. Potter won't steal Tiny Tim's porridge. I'm totally on it.

  Dr. James Wilson : Yeah. That actually is what I'm trying to do and the pathetic part is, it's not gonna work.

  Dr. Gregory House : You're right. I gotta stop being such a jerk.

  [takes Wilson's dessert] 

  Dr. Gregory House : Oops, kind of undercut myself there.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Sixteen-year-old female gets pranked and also gets visual hallucinations and vomiting. Turns out to be a failing liver.

  Dr. Gregory House : Why have Foreman's breasts suddenly started to droop?

  Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley : Large breasts are a classic symptom of you letting Foreman take vacation days so he can finish his FDA reports before the end of the year.

  Dr. Gregory House : When are you taking vacation?

  [raises his eyebrows suggestively] 

• Dr. Chris Taub : House. It's tuberculosis.

  Dr. Gregory House : You got that from an anal swab? Man, you're good.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Whitney]  Hi. I'm Greg.

  Whitney : Hi. I'm Whitney.

  Dr. Gregory House : Hi, Whitney. How can I help you?

  [limps to a stool and sits down] 

  Whitney : I have a... a terrible headache.

  Dr. Gregory House : Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll get you fixed up. Is there anything else you need like a bottle of water? Coffee? Mint tea?

  Whitney : No, but that's so nice. Usually the clinic doctors were kinda rushed.

  Dr. Gregory House : If you can't be nice, why be a doctor.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Whitney]  You didn't know you were pregnant?

  Whitney : How do you... You know that just from the headache?

  Dr. Gregory House : How do I know? I missed my period. I got fat, threw up. Oh no, wait. That's how you know.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Wilson]  Why don't you just hang out in the video store and tell everyone Kevin Spacey's Keyser Soze? By the way, that ending really made no sense at all.

• Whitney : Aren't there other ways I could get pregnant, like sitting on a toilet seat?

  Dr. Gregory House : Absolutely. There would need to be a guy sitting between you and the toilet seat, but yes, absolutely.