- Chuck Bass: Deal's off.
- Blair Waldorf: What? What are you talking about?
- Chuck Bass: I'm out. I don't know what I was thinking about. Pretending to buy some broken-down bar.
- Blair Waldorf: But you promised to seduce Vanessa, she needs to be destroyed.
- Chuck Bass: She's your problem. Humphrey doesn't warrant this.
- Blair Waldorf: The great Chuck Bass is just gonna give up?
- Chuck Bass: No, no, no, there's no shame if the prize isn't worth it. You do your own dirty work. There's not enough in it for me.
- Blair Waldorf: Well, what if I made it worth it?
- [looks at him seductively]
- Chuck Bass: What are you talking about?
- Blair Waldorf: I think you know.
- Chuck Bass: You're not serious.
- [she nods her head yes]
- Chuck Bass: My, my, that girl has gotten under your skin.
- Blair Waldorf: The question is, Bass, will you?
- Chuck Bass: Aren't you the least bit worried I'll succeed?
- [starts untying Blair's robe]
- Blair Waldorf: Do we have an agreement?
- Chuck Bass: Oh, we have a deal.
- Serena van der Woodsen: [in outrageous red dress which seems to exist only to entice] Hi, Bart. I missed you at family dinner. Maybe next time.
- Bart Bass: Where do you think you're going? And in that dress?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, the girls and I thought we'd hit up 1 Oak and maybe Bijoux, and I don't know, anywhere we can find some paparazzi.
- [crinkling her nose:]
- Serena van der Woodsen: I'm in the mood for a little show tonight.
- [off to the elevator, with Bart slowly following]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, I forgot to put on underwear!
- [covers her mouth in mock display]
- Chuck Bass: Humphrey, never a pleasure.
- Dan Humphrey: Oh good we actually agree on something.
- Chuck Bass: Archibald, isn't it about time you ended this bromance? What happens at Yale stays at Yale.
- Nate Archibald: Hey man let's go.
- [Nate and Dan walk off leaving Chuck behind]
- Blair Waldorf: What took you so long?
- Chuck Bass: If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for.
- Serena van der Woodsen: What? I'm not doing anything, I thought we were just sharing memories of what a close family we are. I remember this one time, um, when I was eleven, Eric and I wanted a white Christmas, luckily, Mom's husband was a raging coke-head so he left blow everywhere!
- Lily van der Woodsen: Oh my god...
- Eric van der Woodsen: It wasn't everywhere, just on the smooth, shiny surfaces.
- Gossip Girl: But most times it takes just one person, who is truly afraid to show what they feel, getting an opportunity they never thought possible.
- Penelope: Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey how many times must we tell you? As one of the girls of the steps, you represent Constance royalty.
- Isabel Coates: So it should come as no surprise that many girls before you have gotten the ax when their choices reflected poorly on us.
- Kelsey: I didn't realize.
- [crying]
- Blair Waldorf: That tights are not pants? Honestly?
- Gossip Girl: This just in: Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass placing a wager on the take down of Lonely Boy's BFF.
- [pause]
- Gossip Girl: We think we've heard this story before and we're pretty sure it ended up with everyone dead.
- Blair Waldorf: Poor Chuck, what is life without a friend to share it? Oh, it looks like you just lost yours to Dan Humphrey.
- Chuck Bass: Who cares? I'd rather talk about who you lost yours to anyway.
- Blair Waldorf: Nuh-uh. Been there, done that. Been decontaminated.
- [smiles]
- Chuck Bass: We both know you'll do it again. It's just a question of when.
- Blair Waldorf: The answer is never.
- Chuck Bass: We're inevitable, Waldorf.
- Blair Waldorf: Despite whatever vestigal attraction my body may have for you, my brain knows better and yours should too. I gotta go. I've got a disciplinary hearing.
- Chuck Bass: Well, I knew you were trouble, but a hearing? Impressive.
- Blair Waldorf: Oh, it's not for me.
- Lily van der Woodsen: Eric, my darling, you are always honest with me. It isn't true, is it?
- Eric van der Woodsen: I know Serena's timing sucked... but she did pretty much raise me all those years.
- Lily van der Woodsen: Oh...
- Eric van der Woodsen: You just weren't here, you know?
- Lily van der Woodsen: ...I wasn't that bad!
- Eric van der Woodsen: Our ringtone for you was Since U Been Gone. Vanya the doorman used to sign our permission slips from school.
- Lily van der Woodsen: Well, there was a lot going on in my life. And I did the best I could - just like I'm doing now.
- Eric van der Woodsen: But now it's like you want us to go from zero to Brady in sixty seconds. We're not there yet.
- Lily van der Woodsen: Oh, I know, but I just thought if...
- Eric van der Woodsen: You don't become a family just by telling people you are; you become a family because you wanna be one.
- Blair Waldorf: Bet's off.
- Chuck Bass: But the game's not over.
- Blair Waldorf: I'm calling it on account of boredom. You were right, Vanessa's not worth playing with.
- Chuck Bass: Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. Why the sudden change of heart?
- Blair Waldorf: Like I said the whole thing is dull. Pursuing Vanessa is beneath us both.
- Chuck Bass: You think I'm going in for the kill, and you're worried that you're going to have to go through with what you promised.
- Blair Waldorf: I'm not worried... about... that.
- Chuck Bass: Well, then what?
- Blair Waldorf: Then... nothing... just... forget it.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Let them discipline the sibling that actually deserves it.
- Blair Waldorf: You mean Chuck?
- [Blair slightly smiles and notices Serena looking at her]
- Blair Waldorf: What?
- Serena van der Woodsen: You smiled.
- Blair Waldorf: No, I didn't! I hate Chuck! Don't make me lose my appetite.
- Chuck Bass: Waving the white flag are we?
- Blair Waldorf: Not exactly. I have a proposition for you.
- Chuck Bass: I'll say yes.
- Blair Waldorf: That little troll Vanessa is working my last nerve.
- Chuck Bass: Not what I expected.
- Blair Waldorf: And then I realized, this could benefit both of us.
- Chuck Bass: You had me until troll.
- Blair Waldorf: Dan stole your best friend, now you can steal his. Seduce and destroy.
- Chuck Bass: What's in it for me?
- Blair Waldorf: The thrill of the impossible. The only person Vanessa loathes more than me is you. It'll be one for the ages.
- Vanessa Abrams: I can make you help me, ya know.
- Blair Waldorf: Oh, it makes jokes too.
- [scoffs]
- Vanessa Abrams: Everyone knows you and Marcus broke up but no one knows why.
- [shows picture on her phone of Marcus and Catherine kissing]
- Blair Waldorf: Even you wouldn't stoop that low.
- Vanessa Abrams: [laughs] Blackmail seems to work so well for you, so maybe I'm missing out.
- Chuck Bass: [finds Serena lounging on her bed, keeping curfew] Well, well, look who's playing by the rules, and it's not even a school night.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Eric convinced me. What about you?
- Chuck Bass: I'm on my way out to a house call.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Eww, gross. Well, as long as you're home by one.
- Serena van der Woodsen: [re stepdad] Fine. But as soon as he starts calling the shots, the gloves come off and the nails come out. Oh, I just mixed my metaphors, haven't I?
- Blair Waldorf: [Chuck asks what she's doing] Tying up some loose ends, telling Vanessa that she doesn't mean anything to you. We were just playing chess, and she was just another piece you needed to knock over on your way to take the queen. Do you disagree?
- Serena van der Woodsen: [easily found by Bart] Ugh. They must have had me chipped while I was sleeping.
- Blair Waldorf: [on her bed] What took you so long?
- Chuck Bass: If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for.