It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

America's Next Top Paddy's Billboard Model Contest (2008)

Danny DeVito: Frank Reynolds

Quotes 

• Frank Reynolds : I know what the billboard is gonna look like already: two gorgeous girls up there, giant cans, me in the middle with my thumbs up.

  Dennis Reynolds : Well, that's just simply not gonna happen.

  Mac : Actually, maybe Frank has a point, dude. Maybe we should put a dude up there. Certainly not him, but if we put some hot beefcake up there maybe it'll attract more chicks.

  Dennis Reynolds : Yeah, that's a good point. Okay, I like that. You know what, let's slap my picture up there. It's about time I got my modeling career off the ground anyway.

  Frank Reynolds : [laughing]  Don't flatter yourself. You're not gonna be up there, because I am gonna be the face of Paddy's bar!

  Dennis Reynolds : That's ridiculous, Frank. You're, um... ugly.

  Frank Reynolds : What?

  Dennis Reynolds : Ugly!

  Frank Reynolds : I'm ugly? With that anteater nose you're telling me I'm ugly?

  Dennis Reynolds : My nose was chiseled by the gods themselves, Frank. My body was sculpted to the proportions of Michelangelo's David. You on the other hand, well... you're a pit of despair. Frank, you disgust me. You disgust everyone. And you will never, *ever* be on that billboard.

• Dennis Reynolds : Oh, you better have a good reason for getting us outta bed this early, jerk.

  Frank Reynolds : I got a goddamn great reason for gettin' you out of bed. This bar is hemorrhaging money!

  Charlie Kelly : You gotta spend money to make money. Economics 101, dude.

  Frank Reynolds : You're bleeding us to death! Especially with that company credit card you got.

  Mac : Uh, that is for business expenses, Frank. Everything on there is a business expense.

  Frank Reynolds : Who spent $500 for laser hair removal?

  Dennis Reynolds : Right over here, Slick. Don't wanna have hair down there, know what I'm sayin'?

  Frank Reynolds : Who spent $5,000 for a samurai sword?

  Mac : [raises hand]  Your head of security.

  Charlie Kelly : Yeah, just wait till he saves your life one day with it.

  Frank Reynolds : $6,000 on a camcorder!

  Dee Reynolds : Well, I've decided what I'm gonna do is I'm going to take all those hilarious characters that I've been creating over the past several years. I'm gonna put 'em on tape, I'm gonna put 'em on YouTube. That way I can get discovered by like a casting director or a producer. I get some kind of a TV development deal.

  Dennis Reynolds : Yeah, right, so the point is, Frank, is that these are all business expenses. I mean, some are definitely more realistic than others...

  Charlie Kelly : [points to Dee]  Yeah, not that one.

  Dennis Reynolds : No, not at all, but nonetheless I believe bought as a business expense.

  Frank Reynolds : They're not business expenses! What *I* bought is a business expense. What I bought is somethin' that's gonna save our asses!

  Dennis Reynolds : [mockingly]  Okay. Yeah, all right.

  Charlie Kelly : All right, what d'ya get?

  Frank Reynolds : I bought a billboard!

  [cue title: "America's Next Top Paddy's Billboard Model Contest"] 

• Dennis Reynolds : What the hell, bro, is this supposed to be dirt? It smells like shit!

  Frank Reynolds : It *is* shit!