Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Hello, I am Alan Cousteau (2009)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Quotes 

• Charlie Harper : [Playing the piano]  M is for the misery she caused me. O is for the other things she did. T is for the traitor who's my brother. H is for the hump who is his kid... E is for extremely frightening girl talk... R is for the rifle in my mouth. Put them all together they spell MOTHER, a word that's only half of how I feel.

• Alan Harper : Listen to yourself. Excuse me, I have to go to work.

  Charlie Harper : Hold it.

  Alan Harper : What?

  Charlie Harper : Your watch.

  Alan Harper : What about it?

  Charlie Harper : It doesn't have Hamburglars on the wrist band.

  Alan Harper : So?

  Charlie Harper : Lee me see it.

  Alan Harper : No, it's mine.

  Charlie Harper : Let me see it. Let me see it. This is a Rolex. You sold me out for a watch!

  Alan Harper : Hey, I did not sell you out for a watch. I sold you out for a certified Swiss chronometer. Stainless steel Submariner, waterproof up to 300 meters. And look, it winds itself!

  Charlie Harper : [Seeing Alan pumping his left arm]  Put it on your right arm and it will run forever.

  Alan Harper : [Thoughtful pause]  Oh, good thinking.