Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie (2009)

Kelly Stables: Melissa

Quotes 

• Melissa : All right. Well, now that we're all here, why don't we take turns saying something about Alan and how much he means to us.

  [Jake gets up from his seat] 

  Melissa : Oh, okay, Jake. You want to start?

  Jake Harper : No, I gotta make room for cake.

  Melissa : All right. Uh, Berta! Why don't you get the ball rolling?

  Berta : Sure, what the hell. Zippy, I got to tell you, when you first moved in, I didn't really care for you. You were a persnickety, self-righteous, smug son-of-a-bitch. And now, here we are, six years later. Thank you.

• Melissa : Alan's birthday is next Saturday.

  Charlie Harper : Really? I don't think so.

  Melissa : Yeppers! He's gonna be 40.

  Charlie Harper : Wow, that is so weird. My baby brother's gonna be 40!

  Melissa : How old are you?

  Charlie Harper : 39.

• Alan Harper : This is so nice! A private, intimate dinner for just the two of us.

  [Acts surprised as he enters the room] 

  Alan Harper : Oh, my God! You guys!

  Alan Harper : [after seeing an empty table]  There's nobody here.

  Melissa : I don't understand it. I told them to be here an hour ago.

  Alan Harper : Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? My family are a bunch of thoughtless, selfish buttwipes!

  [Alan sees Charlie, Berta, Jake and Evelyn at the door, where they hear his comments] 

  Charlie Harper : Surprise.