How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Benefits (2009)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Robin Scherbatsky : [about Ted]  You know what a romantic he is? He can't separate the physical from the emotional. He's all like...

  Barney Stinson : I love you.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Exactly. He's not like you, you know.

• Barney Stinson : So I tell her, Madeline, every international conflict esentially boils down to sexual tension.

  Ted Mosby : Every international conflict?

  Barney Stinson : Every single one.

  Ted Mosby : So, the crisis in the Middle East could be solved by...?

  Barney Stinson : Gaza strippers. Next!

  Ted Mosby : Apartheid?

  Barney Stinson : Apart thighs. What else you got?

  Ted Mosby : Cold War?

  Barney Stinson : Mrs. Gorbachev, take down those pants!

• Barney Stinson : You two slept together? That is awf - some. Awfsome.

• Lily Aldrin : Barney, you have to learn how to express these feelings. Maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist.

  Barney Stinson : Please. If I'm gonna pay so woman $200 an hour to make me feel better, we aren't going to be talking. And we're both going to be on that couch. The woman in this scenario is a prostitute. A dirty, skanky, surgically enhanced, Eastern European...

  Lily Aldrin : I got it.

• Lily Aldrin : Are you OK?

  Barney Stinson : Yeah, why do you ask?

  Lily Aldrin : Well, for one thing you're openly weeping.

• Barney Stinson : Can't a bro clean another bro's apartment like bros do?

  Ted Mosby : Name me one bro in the history of bros who has ever done that.

  Barney Stinson : I'll name two: Misters Clean and Belvedere.

• Robin Scherbatsky : By the way, our little arrangement is off.

  Barney Stinson : Oh, that's awes... ful.

  Robin Scherbatsky : What?

  Barney Stinson : That's awesful.

• Barney Stinson : [In Lily's kindergarten class]  ... And then I stormed out. Why did I do that? I mean,maybe it goes back to my father issues,but I basically gave my best friend license to have sex with the girl of my dreams. totally sabotaged myself. And now I'm smoking. Now I'm smoking.

  Lily Aldrin : Get out.

  Barney Stinson : But it's feelings hour and I'm holding Feely the Share Bear. And whoever's holding Feely the Share Bear gets to sit in the share chair.

  Lily Aldrin : Barney,this is not your private therapist's office. These kids have issues to talk about,too,you know. Ben's parents are getting divorced.

  Ben : They are?

  Lily Aldrin : Who wants to do some coloring?