- Roger Weaver: Look, detective, I regret I couldn't help him more than I did, but a fool and his money are easily parted.
- Ed Dubinski: [on giving Shelly the remainder of his lotto winnings] I gave it to someone who *deserved* it. The only one who never asked me for it.
- Will Jeffries: On successfully figuring out Vera's ATM card pin: "First try, sucker. Knew it had to be either Flyers or boobies."