The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Codpiece Topology (2008)
Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz
Photos
Quotes
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Howard Wolowitz : Renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy. They're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinkos and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosom jumps out and says "howdy".
Sheldon Cooper : Bosoms would not have said "howdy" in the Fifteenth Century. If anything, they would have said "Huzzah!"
Howard Wolowitz : I don't care what the bosoms say, Sheldon. I just want to be part of the conversation.
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Leonard Hofstadter : I like Leslie, but she's not interested in dating as much as using men as tools for stress release.
Howard Wolowitz : Yeah, so? Be a tool. Go get yourself a little rebound "stress release".
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Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry, I am not going back to the renaissance fair.
Howard Wolowitz : Come on, Sheldon, there are so few places I can wear my jester costume.
Sheldon Cooper : I don't care. There are far too many historical anomalies for my comfort.
Rajesh Koothrappali : Oh, okay, how about this. You can go dressed as a Star Trek science officer exploring a planet very similar to Earth in the fifteen hundreds.
Sheldon Cooper : You mean like Spock?
Rajesh Koothrappali : [shrugs] Sure.
Sheldon Cooper : Fascinating.
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Leonard Hofstadter : I'm glad Penny's dating. Now I can really let loose.
Howard Wolowitz : You were holding back?
Leonard Hofstadter : Out of courtesy, yes.
Rajesh Koothrappali : What about the ten years before Penny.
Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, I've date plenty of women.
Howard Wolowitz : Like who?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, there's Joyce Kim, Leslie Winkle...
[pause]
Sheldon Cooper : Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary: the word "plenty" has been redefined to mean "two".
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Rajesh Koothrappali : I think she's smoking hot.
Howard Wolowitz : I'd hit that!
Sheldon Cooper : You'd hit particulate soil on a colloidal suspension.
[Wolowitz looks at him for clarification]
Sheldon Cooper : Mud.
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Howard Wolowitz : What's so unusual about me having a date?
Sheldon Cooper : Statistically speaking...
Leonard Hofstadter : All right, all right. Nevertheless, I have one now and I'd appreciate it if you would, make yourself scarce.
Sheldon Cooper : I'm a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an IQ which can't be accurely measured by normal tests. How much scarcer could I be?
Leonard Hofstadter : You know what I mean. Could you just give us a little privacy?
Sheldon Cooper : You want me to leave the apartment?.. You mean, just go someplace else and be... someplace else?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.
Sheldon Cooper : Why should I leave? This is my apartment, too.
Leonard Hofstadter : I know, and if science ever discovers a second member of your species and you two would like some privacy, I'd be more than happy to get out of your way.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, all right then.
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Howard Wolowitz : Penny with her new boyfriend. Tres awkward.
Leonard Hofstadter : It's not awkward. It's not fun...
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Rajesh Koothrappali : What happens in costume at Comicon stays at Comicon!
Howard Wolowitz : You're only saying that because of what happened to you.
Leonard Hofstadter : What happened to you?
Rajesh Koothrappali : Nothing happened to me.
Howard Wolowitz : It's not your fault, Raj. He was dressed as a green Orion slave girl.