The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Cushion Saturation (2009)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Penny : There, nice and comfy, cozy. 0-0-0.
Sheldon Cooper : There's one more 0. You forgot the time perimeter.
Penny : Sit on the damn couch.
[sniffs the couch, slowly sits, for barely an instant]
Sheldon Cooper : Nope.
Penny : What do you mean "nope"? What's wrong with it?
Leonard Hofstadter : Nothing! It's what's wrong with him!
Penny : It's exactly the same...
Leonard Hofstadter : Penny, Penny, I think I know what to do. Sheldon, I have some bad news.
Sheldon Cooper : More?
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm afraid so. You know the cashew chicken I get you on Monday nights?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes, from Szechwan Palace.
Leonard Hofstadter : Szechwan Palace closed two years ago.
Sheldon Cooper : What? Where did my cashew chicken come from?
Leonard Hofstadter : Golden Dragon.
Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon drops into the spot] No. No, this isn't right. No, our food always comes in Szechwan Palace containers.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, well before they went out of business, I bought 4000 containers. I keep them in the trunk of my car.
Sheldon Cooper : But - oh this changes everything.
Leonard Hofstadter : I thought that might take his mind off the cushion.
Sheldon Cooper : What's real? What isn't? How can I know?
Penny : You did make that up right?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, I wish I had.
Sheldon Cooper : Leonard?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, buddy?
Sheldon Cooper : I still don't like this cushion.
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Sheldon Cooper : [Holding the latest issue of The Flash] Hello, Fastest Man Alive. Wanna see me read your entire comic book?
[Flips quickly through comic]
Sheldon Cooper : Wanna see it again?
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Sheldon Cooper : Hello, Penny.
Penny : Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : You're in my spot.
Penny : Are you planning on sitting here?
Sheldon Cooper : No, I'm going to the comic book store.
Penny : Then, what difference does it make?
Sheldon Cooper : What difference does it make?
Leonard Hofstadter : Here we go.
Sheldon Cooper : That is my spot, in an ever-changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be 0-0-0-0.
Penny : [blank stare] What?
Leonard Hofstadter : Don't sit in his spot.
Penny : Fine.
[changes spots]
Penny : Happy?
Sheldon Cooper : I'm not unhappy.
[Sheldon exits]
Penny : Boy, I love him, but he is one serious wackadoodle.
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Leonard Hofstadter : [trying to tell Sheldon that Penny accidentally made a mess of his cushion] You know what the best thing about friends is?
Sheldon Cooper : They don't talk incessantly for no particular reason?
Leonard Hofstadter : No, no, friends forgive the little things.
Penny : You know, I'm gonna go home and wash my hair, so...
Leonard Hofstadter : Don't you dare, missy!
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Sheldon Cooper : I have no faith in your dry cleaner.
Penny : Why not?
Sheldon Cooper : Did you notice the sign on his counter? He's not a full-time dry cleaner. He also makes keys.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, for God's sake, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : Focus is important. Was Michael DeBakey a wedding planner in between heart transplants? Did Alexander Fleming moonlight as a hairdresser? "Thanks for discovering penicillin. Now how about we try a bouffant?"
Howard Wolowitz : [phone rings] Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. Hey, baby...
Penny : [to Leonard] His right hand is calling him?
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[before the paintball match]
Sheldon Cooper : There's just one thing before we start.
Leonard Hofstadter : What is it, Sheldon?
[Sheldon shoots Penny with his paintball gun]
Penny : What the hell?
Sheldon Cooper : That was for my cushion!
Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, Penny was our only hope!
Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry, Leonard, but revenge is a dish best served cold.
Penny : Screw that!
[Penny shoots Sheldon]
Sheldon Cooper : She can't shoot me, she's dead!
Leonard Hofstadter : [to Penny] He's right, you can't.
[shoots Sheldon himself]
Sheldon Cooper : Well, if we're going to descend into anarchy...
[shoots Leonard]
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Leslie Winkle : Howard, I got the approval for the rapid prototyper you wanted.
Howard Wolowitz : That's great, Leslie, thanks.
Leslie Winkle : You scratch my back, I scratch your back. Meow!
Rajesh Koothrappali : What was all that about?
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, uh, no big deal, they gave Leslie control over some unrestricted grant money.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, okay, but what's with the "back scratching" and the "meow."
Sheldon Cooper : I believe the "back scratching" metaphor generally describes a quid pro quo situation where one party provides goods or services to second party in compensation for a similar action.
Leonard Hofstadter : [sarcastically] Thank you.
Sheldon Cooper : The "meow." That sounded to me like an African civet cat.
Leonard Hofstadter : Are you done?
Sheldon Cooper : No. Despite what the name suggests, the civet cat, is not a true cat.
[pause]
Sheldon Cooper : Now I'm done.
Rajesh Koothrappali : You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking, Howard wasn't making a back scratching metaphor. I'm thinking there was some actual scratching involved.
Leonard Hofstadter : What about it, Howard?
Howard Wolowitz : Okay, I didn't want to say anything, cause I know you and Leslie have a little... history.
Leonard Hofstadter : I don't care about that.
Howard Wolowitz : Great, 'cause I've been dying to say something.
Leonard Hofstadter : You and Leslie?
Howard Wolowitz : In the paintball shed! Twice!
Sheldon Cooper : Is that why you didn't cover our escape, and let us get cut down like animals?
Howard Wolowitz : Oh yeah, sorry about that.
Sheldon Cooper : My good man, dereliction of duty in the face of the enemy is a court martial offense.
Howard Wolowitz : Court martial, schmort martial. Leslie Winkle is the fifth girl I've ever had sex with!
[pause]
Howard Wolowitz : I mean for free.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Why don't you just eat in your desk chair?
Sheldon Cooper : Why don't I just eat in my desk chair?
Penny : Here we go.
Sheldon Cooper : That is my desk chair. That is where I work. I don't eat in my desk chair and I don't work in my spot. I work in my desk chair and eat in my spot.
Leonard Hofstadter : [to Penny] Wackadoodle.
Howard Wolowitz : You know, there's kind of an obvious solution here.
[to Raj]
Howard Wolowitz : Get up.
[places Raj's cushion in Sheldon's spot]
Howard Wolowitz : There, problem solved.
[Raj whispers in Howard's ear]
Howard Wolowitz : Nobody cares where you're gonna sit, you're not crazy.
Sheldon Cooper : Excuse me, the problem is not solved. If your head had been accidentally amputated and we transplanted a dog's head in it's place, would that be problem solved?
Leonard Hofstadter : If it were your head, it would be.
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Sheldon : You're in my spot.
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Sheldon : Hello, Penny.
Penny : Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon : You're in my spot.
Penny : Are you planning on sitting here?
Sheldon : No, I'm going to the comic book store.
Penny : Then what difference does it make?
Sheldon : What difference does it make?
Leonard Hofstadter : Here we go.
Sheldon : That is my spot. In an ever-changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system that spot at the moment I first sat on it would be 0-0-0-0.
Penny : What?
Leonard Hofstadter : Don't sit in his spot.