The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Cushion Saturation (2009)
Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz
Photos
Quotes
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Leslie Winkle : Where's the rest of your squad?
Howard Wolowitz : Uh, they left me here to die. What about yours?
Leslie Winkle : Dead... all of 'em.
Howard Wolowitz : Sorry.
Leslie Winkle : Don't be. It was friendly fire.
[Blows on her paintgun barrel]
Leslie Winkle : They just wouldn't listen.
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Howard Wolowitz : I'm busy, ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz : Too busy to help your mother with her zipper?
Howard Wolowitz : Don't come in, ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz : Why not?
Leslie Winkle : [Yelling as loud as his mother] He's got company!
Howard Wolowitz : [Holding his chest] Oh, there's the arrhythmia.
Mrs. Wolowitz : Is she Jewish?
Howard Wolowitz : [quietly] Are you Jewish?
Leslie Winkle : [quietly] No.
Howard Wolowitz : [shouting] Yes!
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Sheldon Cooper : I have no faith in your dry cleaner.
Penny : Why not?
Sheldon Cooper : Did you notice the sign on his counter? He's not a full-time dry cleaner. He also makes keys.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, for God's sake, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : Focus is important. Was Michael DeBakey a wedding planner in between heart transplants? Did Alexander Fleming moonlight as a hairdresser? "Thanks for discovering penicillin. Now how about we try a bouffant?"
Howard Wolowitz : [phone rings] Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. Hey, baby...
Penny : [to Leonard] His right hand is calling him?
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Leslie Winkle : Howard, I got the approval for the rapid prototyper you wanted.
Howard Wolowitz : That's great, Leslie, thanks.
Leslie Winkle : You scratch my back, I scratch your back. Meow!
Rajesh Koothrappali : What was all that about?
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, uh, no big deal, they gave Leslie control over some unrestricted grant money.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, okay, but what's with the "back scratching" and the "meow."
Sheldon Cooper : I believe the "back scratching" metaphor generally describes a quid pro quo situation where one party provides goods or services to second party in compensation for a similar action.
Leonard Hofstadter : [sarcastically] Thank you.
Sheldon Cooper : The "meow." That sounded to me like an African civet cat.
Leonard Hofstadter : Are you done?
Sheldon Cooper : No. Despite what the name suggests, the civet cat, is not a true cat.
[pause]
Sheldon Cooper : Now I'm done.
Rajesh Koothrappali : You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking, Howard wasn't making a back scratching metaphor. I'm thinking there was some actual scratching involved.
Leonard Hofstadter : What about it, Howard?
Howard Wolowitz : Okay, I didn't want to say anything, cause I know you and Leslie have a little... history.
Leonard Hofstadter : I don't care about that.
Howard Wolowitz : Great, 'cause I've been dying to say something.
Leonard Hofstadter : You and Leslie?
Howard Wolowitz : In the paintball shed! Twice!
Sheldon Cooper : Is that why you didn't cover our escape, and let us get cut down like animals?
Howard Wolowitz : Oh yeah, sorry about that.
Sheldon Cooper : My good man, dereliction of duty in the face of the enemy is a court martial offense.
Howard Wolowitz : Court martial, schmort martial. Leslie Winkle is the fifth girl I've ever had sex with!
[pause]
Howard Wolowitz : I mean for free.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Why don't you just eat in your desk chair?
Sheldon Cooper : Why don't I just eat in my desk chair?
Penny : Here we go.
Sheldon Cooper : That is my desk chair. That is where I work. I don't eat in my desk chair and I don't work in my spot. I work in my desk chair and eat in my spot.
Leonard Hofstadter : [to Penny] Wackadoodle.
Howard Wolowitz : You know, there's kind of an obvious solution here.
[to Raj]
Howard Wolowitz : Get up.
[places Raj's cushion in Sheldon's spot]
Howard Wolowitz : There, problem solved.
[Raj whispers in Howard's ear]
Howard Wolowitz : Nobody cares where you're gonna sit, you're not crazy.
Sheldon Cooper : Excuse me, the problem is not solved. If your head had been accidentally amputated and we transplanted a dog's head in it's place, would that be problem solved?
Leonard Hofstadter : If it were your head, it would be.
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[first lines]
Howard Wolowitz : That was close.
Rajesh Koothrappali : God, I love the smell of paintballs in the morning.
Howard Wolowitz : Yeah, still funny, Raj.
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Rajesh Koothrappali : [the guys just found out that Howard has been hooking up with Leslie] Plus you got a rapid prototyper. That's an expensive piece of equipment, dude!
Leonard Hofstadter : The rest of us have had our budgets cut to the bone.
Howard Wolowitz : OK, one way to look at this is that I'm getting new equipment and you're not, and that's unfair. But a better way to look at this is that I'm getting sex and you're not, and that's delightful!