The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Financial Permeability (2009)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

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Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : In case either of you have larceny in your heart, you should know that I have moved my money out of the snake can.

  Leonard Hofstadter : But if you're ever short, there's always a couple of fifties in Green Lantern's ass.

• Howard Wolowitz : Okay, I guess we only have one option.

  Rajesh Koothrappali : Yepp, I don't see any way around it.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Bye, Sheldon.

  Howard Wolowitz : See ya.

  Rajesh Koothrappali : Later, dude.

  [All exit, leaving Sheldon alone] 

  Sheldon Cooper : They're right. It was the only option.

• Sheldon Cooper : I don't see any large upcoming expenditures unless they develop an affordable technology to fuse my skeleton with adamantium like Wolverine.

  Penny : Are they working on that?

  Sheldon Cooper : I sincerely hope so.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, Penny. How's work.

  Penny : [sarcastically]  Great! I hope I'm a waitress at the Cheescake Factory for my whole life!

  Sheldon Cooper : Was that sarcasm?

  Penny : [still sarcastically]  No.

  Sheldon Cooper : Was *that* sarcasm?

  Penny : [honestly]  Yes.

  Sheldon Cooper : Was that sarcasm?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Stop it!

• Sheldon : I was wrong. Minstrels will write songs about *you*.

  Leonard : [sarcastically]  Great.

  Sheldon : [singing]  There once was a brave lad named Leonard. With a fi-fi-fiddle-dee-dee. He faced a fearsome giant. While Raj just wanted to pee.

• Penny : Okay. Well, thank you. Oh, God, no, I can't. Sheldon honey, I don't want things to be weird between us.

  Sheldon : Won't it also be weird if I have to say hello to you every morning on my way to work and you're living in a refrigerator box and washing your hair with rain water?

  Penny : I'll pay you back as soon as I can.

  Sheldon : Of course you will. It's impossible to pay me back sooner than you can. Assuming you subscribe to a linear understanding of time and causality.

  Penny : I'm regretting this already.

• Sheldon Cooper : If you recall, I pointed out the check engine light to you several months ago.

  Penny : The check engine light is fine, it's still blinking away. It's the stupid engine that stopped working.

• Sheldon Cooper : I've been giving the matter some thought, and I think I'd be willing to be a house pet to a race of superintelligent aliens.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Interesting.

  Sheldon Cooper : Ask me why?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Do I have to?

  Sheldon Cooper : Of course, that's how you move a conversation forward.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Why?

  Sheldon Cooper : The learning opportunities would be abundant, additionally, I like having my belly scratched.

• Leonard Hofstadter : You play a game to simulate adventure, but when there's real adventure out there in the real world, you just wimp out!

  Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, do you not recall the last time we visited this gentleman, we returned home without pants.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I do.

  Sheldon Cooper : Are you sure? Because your proposal suggests that you don't.

• Leonard Hofstadter : You clearly did something to aggrevate her!

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm at a loss. If you like, you can review my daily log of social interactions. And see if there's a blunder I overlooked.

• Sheldon Cooper : The true hero doesn't seek adulation. He fights for right and justice simply because it's his nature.

• Penny : Wow, you got a lot of money in there.

  Sheldon Cooper : That's why it's guarded by snakes.

• Sheldon Cooper : All right, these theaters have to be eliminated.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Why, they're state of the art. Digital projection, 20 channel surround sound...

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes, but they have no Icee machines. Despite my agressive letter writing campaign I might add.

• Sheldon Cooper : Take some.

  Penny : Don't be silly.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm never silly.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, you guys want to go on a real live quest?

  Sheldon Cooper : Outside? But I just made cocoa.

• Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry, I don't understand what social situation this is. Could you give me some guidance in how to proceed.

• Penny : Is Leonard around?

  Sheldon : He went to the movies without me. It was the only option. I'm sorry, I don't understand which social situation this is. Could you give me some guidance as to how to proceed?

  Penny : The building manager's showing an apartment downstairs, and I haven't paid my rent.

  Sheldon : Oh, I see. Penny, I'm not sure I'm comfortable harbouring a fugitive from the 2311 North Los Robles Corporation.

  Penny : It's no big deal. I'm just a little behind on my bills because they cut back my hours at the restaurant and my car broke down.

• Sheldon Cooper : In what *Universe* are slurpees Icees?