The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Vartabedian Conundrum (2008)
Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter
Photos
Quotes
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Penny : [proving to Leonard that Stephanie has moved in with him] Hmm... Cute dresses. I bet this looks great on you.
Leonard Hofstadter : We're not living together.
Penny : Okay. Hmm... Scented candles, fuzzy slippers. Ooh, floral bed sheets.
Leonard Hofstadter : We're not living together!
Penny : Okay, moving on. Uh, who are these guys at Disney World?
Leonard Hofstadter : Uh... the big dog is Goofy. And... the older couple with the mouse ears, I have no idea.
[Penny smiles at him]
Leonard Hofstadter : We're not living together!
Penny : You're gonna go down swinging, huh? All right. Well, we've got your body lotion, your "In Style" magazine, your jewelry box.
Leonard Hofstadter : We're not- where's my Bat-Signal?
Penny : You have a Bat-Signal?
Leonard Hofstadter : I did. It was right here. She must have...
[realization dawns on Leonard]
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, my God. We're living together.
Penny : [sarcastically] Really? What was your first clue?
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Leonard Hofstadter : What do I say to her?
Penny : I don't know. What do women say to you when they want to slow your relationship down?
Leonard Hofstadter : "I really like you, but I want to see how things go with Mark?"
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[first lines]
Stephanie Barnett : I don't see anything at all, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : Fuuh! You're the doctor, but I'm constantly hearing this annoying sound.
Leonard Hofstadter : Me, too.
Sheldon Cooper : Is it a high-frequency whistle?
Leonard Hofstadter : No, it's more of a relentless narcissistic drone.
Stephanie Barnett : Yep, there's no inflammation at all, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : Then it must be a tumor.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Don't you think if a woman was living with me that I'd be the first one to know about it?
Penny : Oh, sweetie, you'd be the last one to know about it.
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Howard Wolowitz : There's a whole buffet of women out there, and you're just standing in the corner, eating the same deviled egg over and over again.
Leonard Hofstadter : At least I have an egg. What do you have?
Howard Wolowitz : A veritable smorgasbord of potential sexual partners. See the blonde over there? I can hit on her and you can't.
Leonard Hofstadter : So go hit on her.
Howard Wolowitz : [after an awkward pause] She's not my type.
Rajesh Koothrappali : Too bad, 'cause she was checking you out before.
Howard Wolowitz : She was?
Rajesh Koothrappali : Of course not. Look at her.
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Penny : Out of coffee. Need coffee.
Stephanie Barnett : Uh, hello.
Penny : Hi! Stephanie, right?
Stephanie Barnett : Uh-huh. And, and, and you are?
Penny : I'm Penny, I live across the hall. I've heard a lot about you.
Stephanie Barnett : Really?
Penny : Mm-hmm.
Stephanie Barnett : I haven't heard a thing about you. Leonard? Why haven't I heard a thing about this woman who lives across the hall and comes into your apartment in the morning in her underwear?
Leonard Hofstadter : She's heard about you because we're, you know, involved and you haven't heard about her because... I never slept with her, I swear!
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Penny : Come on, Leonard, you are entitled to try and make things go the way you want them to!
Leonard Hofstadter : Really?
Penny : Yes! You don't always have to go along with what the woman wishes.
Leonard Hofstadter : Huh.
Penny : What?
Leonard Hofstadter : Nothing. Just rethinking my whole life.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Maybe it's'a residual bacterial infection from getting toilet swirlies.
Sheldon Cooper : It is possible. I got a lot of those. Even at church.
Stephanie Barnett : If it's from a swirlie, I have something for that. Circle, circle, dot, dot, now you've got a cootie shot.
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Howard Wolowitz : [Leonard is having difficulty breaking up with Stephanie] Why don't you text her?
Leonard Hofstadter : Isn't that cowardly?
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, yeah. It's beyond contemptible.
Rajesh Koothrappali : But then again, you are wearing a bird sweater.
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Leonard Hofstadter : What's going on?
Stephanie Barnett : I just performed a Sheldonectomy.
Leonard Hofstadter : Careful, if you don't get it all it'll only come back worse.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Do you have any fabric softener?
Penny : Yeah, sure.
[Leonard empties the bottle into the washer]
Penny : What are you washing, a crocodile?
Leonard Hofstadter : No, the pants that Stephanie got me.
Penny : Sweetie, you can't machine wash these. They'll be ruined.
Leonard Hofstadter : Are you sure?
Penny : Absolutely.
Leonard Hofstadter : [Leonard puts the pants back into the washer and starts it] Oh no, I wish you'd told me that sooner.
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Howard Wolowitz : [Leonard is scratching himself at the cafeteria] New pants?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, Stephanie got 'em for me.
Howard Wolowitz : Nice. Cotton?
Leonard Hofstadter : Actually, I think it's more of a wool-fire ant blend.