- [first lines]
- Archie Andrews: Welcome to Archie's Fun House! Featuring the Giant Jukebox. It's time for the Fun House Trash-a-Thon. We're here to remind you that it's cleaning time all over America. And here's a guy who's been washed up for years, Reggie Mantle.
- The Archies: [singing] The air is dark and dirty / When it should be fresh and purty.
- [last lines]
- The Archies: [singing] I will give the world to make you mine. / Oh, looks that say I love you.