- Young Claudius: What's the matter?
- Young Postumus: Nothing.
- Young Herod: Cheer up, young Agrippa. Caesar had adopted you into his family and made you his heir! That is an honour!
- Young Postumus: Yes, Herod - but he had also adopted my stepfather and we all know that both of us cannot succeed him. I'm frightened! I want my mother, I want my mother! Where is she? Where is she?
- [Augustus has been a given of list of Julia's sexual partners. At least 20 men are lined up before him, heads hung in shame. He looks truly astounded]
- Augustus: [In a quiet voice] You, Aelius Sextus Balbas? Is it true? Have you slept with my daughter?
- Aelius Sextus Balbas: Caesar, I, I...
- Augustus: Answer the question.
- Aelius Sextus Balbas: Yes, Caesar.
- Augustus: And you, Marcus Volunsius Saturnius? Have you slept with my daughter?
- Marcus Volunsius Saturnius: Caesar...
- Augustus: Just answer the question.
- Marcus Volunsius Saturnius: Yes, Caesar.
- Augustus: And you? Have you?
- [the next man nods]
- Augustus: And you, Publius Norbanus Flaccus?
- Publius Norbanus Flaccus: Once, Caesar.
- Augustus: [smiling sarcastically] Ah, only once? That's all?
- [He moves to the next man]
- Julia's Lover: Not slept, Caesar.
- Augustus: Not slept? You mean it happened standing up perhaps, or in the street or on a bench? Not slept?
- [He moves down the rest of the line, no longer able to look them in the eye]
- Augustus: IS THERE ANYONE IN ROME WHO HAS NOT SLEPT WITH MY DAUGHTER?
- [He throws the list to the ground]
- Augustus: TAKE THEM OUT! I'LL DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH THEM LATER!
- Drusus: A man should keep himself clean, not have slaves do it.
- Tiberius: And how's he supposed to scrape his own back?
- Drusus: He gets his brother to do it.
- Tiberius: If he hasn't got a brother?
- Drusus: He gets his son.
- Tiberius: If he hasn't got a son?
- Drusus: Gets his friend.
- Tiberius: And if he hasn't got a friend?
- Drusus: Then he should go and hang himself.
- Tiberius: I've tried it. Better to have a slave scrape your back.
- Drusus: I wouldn't take Britain if I were you. There's nothing of value there and the people make terrible slaves.
- Julia: This is your doing, isn't it? Oh Livia, you really think that it'll convince my father to let Tiberius? HA. You are so transparent. I'm the only one who can see you for what you really are... Well remember this, Livia, I have THREE sons and they ALL come before Tiberius. And when they came to age, you won't be wanted anymore.
- Livia: It's a hard thing to see a child banished, especially when you know the banishment is unjust.
- [Augustus looks at her]
- Livia: Yes, you must let my son come home. Can't you see what has been clear to me for so long, that it was Julia's wickedness that drove him away.
- [Augustus glares at her]
- Augustus: I'll never bring him back. Never. He drove her to it. She would never have gone down that road if it wasn't for his wickedness.
- [He stand up and yells to Livia]
- Augustus: He can stay there and rot.
- Young Herod: Do I have the honor of addressing the former wife of the great Agrippa?
- Julia: Yes, dear, you do.
- Young Herod: My name is Herod Agrippa. I was named after your *illustrious* husband, Marcus Agrippa.
- Julia: [Smiling] Really? Well, wasn't that nice of your father to do that?
- Young Herod: No, it was my grandfather who did that.
- Julia: Oh, well it was nice of him them.
- Young Herod: He's not very nice lady. He had my father executed, soon after I was born.
- Julia: [Awkwardly] Oh, dear... I'm sorry.
- Young Herod: [Smiling] Yes.
- [Titters]
- Young Herod: So was my father.