- [first lines]
- [Claudius receives a letter with a small box]
- Claudius: It's from Herod.
- Calpurnia: What does he say?
- Claudius: Oh, it's written from J-Jerusalem.
- Calpurnia: Read it to me; his letters are so amusing.
- Claudius: [reading] "My dear old friend, what is all this I hear about your living in three rooms in the p-poor quarter of town? Is it serious?"
- [Calpurnia laughs]
- Claudius: "Why did you not write to me? Is it that absurd p-pride of yours? Well, I shall attend to that shortly. Meanwhile, knowing how loath you are to accept m-money, and being the only practical friend you ever had, I enclose a little p-present for you. Please make proper use of it. Herod."
- Calpurnia: What is it? It seems very small.
- Claudius: Hnh, I don't know.
- [Claudius opens the box. It is a set of four dice]
- Calpurnia: Well, I don't think that's very generous.
- [Claudius shakes the dice and rolls them - twenty-four, all sixes]
- Calpurnia: Venus! Oh, Claudius, I think your luck is changing.
- [Claudius rolls them again - all sixes again]
- Calpurnia: I'm sure it's an omen.
- [a third time - all sixes yet again]
- Calpurnia: Those dice are crooked. You can't possibly use them.
- [Claudius rolls them a fourth time. They both break up laughing]
- Claudius: Ah, dear Herod. How I miss him.
- Cassius Chaerea: If you're no longer his friend, what can you be but his enemy?
- Marcus: Go your own way, Cassius.
- Cassius Chaerea: If we all go our own way, we shall all end by going the same way.
- [last lines]
- The Praetorian Guard: [carrying Claudius on their shoulders] Long live the Emperor! Long live the Emperor! Long live the Emperor! Long live the Emperor!