Peep Show (TV Series)

Mark's Women (2008)

Robert Webb: Jeremy Usborne

Quotes 

• Mark Corrigan : Are you all right?

  Jeremy Usborne : I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately.

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Oh, shit.

  Jeremy Usborne : And I was just thinking why do I even do half the stupid shit I do? Maybe I'm a knobhead.

  Mark Corrigan : What? No. No, no, no.

  Jeremy Usborne : Maybe I'm not in the 1% of people who think they're gonna be successful musicians and are totally right, but in the 99% of talentless, misguided dickheads.

  Mark Corrigan : [trying to be nice but lacking conviction]  Jez, you're not a talentless, misguided dickhead... that's the last thing you are.

• Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  Move into the compound? Mark will say I'm joining a cult. But then, he won't have a Nectar card because thinks it means they've got him. I'm moving on.

• [Jeremy is telling Mark about the courses he's taking at the New Wellness Centre] 

  Mark Corrigan : [worried]  Jez, I think I've heard about these people, there's stuff all over the internet about them.

  Jeremy Usborne : Yes, that's right. There's a conspiracy about them on the internet.

  Mark Corrigan : [looking through the book Jeremy has been given]  There's a lot of stuff about an asteroid in here.

  Jeremy Usborne : Yeah, it's all based on the seven sacred truths from the golden tablets found in the asteroid which crashed in Siberia in 1911. It's a really great book, you'd love the chapter on Orgones.

  Mark Corrigan : Orgones?

  Jeremy Usborne : Orgones are the invisible molecules of universal life energy which govern our moods and our actions. Negative Orgones are the sources of all the problems in the world.

  Mark Corrigan : And you believe that?

  Jeremy Usborne : Well, how do explain all the problems in the world.

  Mark Corrigan : I mean, I couldn't just... There are so many historical and economic factors.

  Jeremy Usborne : Exactly. You haven't got a clue.

  Mark Corrigan : But come on, Jez? Asteroids? Orgones? What would you say if I came home one day talking about that kind of stuff?

  Jeremy Usborne : I'd say "That's sounds fascinating, please tell me more." See you later.

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Jeremy's in a cult. Jeremy in a cult. It does have a certain ring to it.

• Mark Corrigan : He's not moving into the compound. We don't need any of your orgones here, Super Hans. He's staying where he belongs.

  Super Hans : You're gonna stay in the Death Star with Captain Haddock? He doesn't value you, he thinks you're a dickhead.

  Mark Corrigan : Just because he's a dickhead doesn't mean I'm not his friend. I'm a better friend than you've ever been.

  Super Hans : He may be a dickhead, but I'm showing him how to stop being a dickhead.

  Jeremy Usborne : Could you please stop agreeing that I'm a dickhead? I'm not a dickhead.

• Jeremy Usborne : And what about the... issue?

  Mark Corrigan : Well, if Sophie contines down her path towards self-destruction we'll end up adopting like a couple of gay dads anyway, so we'll never need to find whose it is.

  Jeremy Usborne : Right. Who knows? Who the fuck even cares?

  Mark Corrigan : Exactly.

  [voiceover] 

  Mark Corrigan : Oh, Jesus.

  Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  Oh, Jesus.

• Jeremy Usborne : The good news is that in my last personality chart I was thirty percent up. Which was pretty wicked.

  Super Hans : Your wellness levels must be through the fucking roof. You're right on schedule, according to the book. Hardback book, based on tablets brought by an asteroid. Something you can rely on.

  Jeremy Usborne : Yeah. What do you think about the... asteroid stuff?

  Super Hans : What, are you having a few doubts?

  Jeremy Usborne : No. God, no. More sort of... thoughts.

  Super Hans : Thoughts. You wanna give that shit a rest. You've been going and thinking thoughts your whole life, and look where that's got you, eh?