Peep Show (TV Series)

Mark's Women (2008)

David Mitchell: Mark Corrigan

Quotes 

• Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  She's taken my sperm. And sperm is like lending someone less than a fiver, you can't really ask for it back.

• Mark Corrigan : Are you all right?

  Jeremy Usborne : I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately.

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Oh, shit.

  Jeremy Usborne : And I was just thinking why do I even do half the stupid shit I do? Maybe I'm a knobhead.

  Mark Corrigan : What? No. No, no, no.

  Jeremy Usborne : Maybe I'm not in the 1% of people who think they're gonna be successful musicians and are totally right, but in the 99% of talentless, misguided dickheads.

  Mark Corrigan : [trying to be nice but lacking conviction]  Jez, you're not a talentless, misguided dickhead... that's the last thing you are.

• Mark Corrigan : Gerard, don't call me "Boss" outside work, I don't like it.

  [voiceover] 

  Mark Corrigan : I very much do like it.

• Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Dobby, the acceptable face of woman. I hardly have to modify my behaviour at all in her company. I really think she might be "The One".

• [Jeremy is telling Mark about the courses he's taking at the New Wellness Centre] 

  Mark Corrigan : [worried]  Jez, I think I've heard about these people, there's stuff all over the internet about them.

  Jeremy Usborne : Yes, that's right. There's a conspiracy about them on the internet.

  Mark Corrigan : [looking through the book Jeremy has been given]  There's a lot of stuff about an asteroid in here.

  Jeremy Usborne : Yeah, it's all based on the seven sacred truths from the golden tablets found in the asteroid which crashed in Siberia in 1911. It's a really great book, you'd love the chapter on Orgones.

  Mark Corrigan : Orgones?

  Jeremy Usborne : Orgones are the invisible molecules of universal life energy which govern our moods and our actions. Negative Orgones are the sources of all the problems in the world.

  Mark Corrigan : And you believe that?

  Jeremy Usborne : Well, how do explain all the problems in the world.

  Mark Corrigan : I mean, I couldn't just... There are so many historical and economic factors.

  Jeremy Usborne : Exactly. You haven't got a clue.

  Mark Corrigan : But come on, Jez? Asteroids? Orgones? What would you say if I came home one day talking about that kind of stuff?

  Jeremy Usborne : I'd say "That's sounds fascinating, please tell me more." See you later.

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Jeremy's in a cult. Jeremy in a cult. It does have a certain ring to it.

• Mark Corrigan : He's not moving into the compound. We don't need any of your orgones here, Super Hans. He's staying where he belongs.

  Super Hans : You're gonna stay in the Death Star with Captain Haddock? He doesn't value you, he thinks you're a dickhead.

  Mark Corrigan : Just because he's a dickhead doesn't mean I'm not his friend. I'm a better friend than you've ever been.

  Super Hans : He may be a dickhead, but I'm showing him how to stop being a dickhead.

  Jeremy Usborne : Could you please stop agreeing that I'm a dickhead? I'm not a dickhead.

• Jeremy Usborne : And what about the... issue?

  Mark Corrigan : Well, if Sophie contines down her path towards self-destruction we'll end up adopting like a couple of gay dads anyway, so we'll never need to find whose it is.

  Jeremy Usborne : Right. Who knows? Who the fuck even cares?

  Mark Corrigan : Exactly.

  [voiceover] 

  Mark Corrigan : Oh, Jesus.

  Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  Oh, Jesus.

• Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Why do I feel guilty? I haven't done anything wrong. I feel guilty about everything. From the pollution caused by Chinese industrialization, to not wearing some boxers as much as others. Sorry stripy blue, you're just too tight.