"Everybody Hates Chris" Everybody Hates Easter (TV Episode 2008) - Chris Rock as Narrator

Greg Wuliger : [to Chris] Wait, do you even know what an escort does?

Narrator : I do, but this is a family show.
Chris : Hey, Tasha, what's up?

Tasha : My grandmother just told me we're not going to our church this Sunday. She wants me to do the pageant at her old church in Queens.

Chris : Queens?

Tasha : Sorry.

Narrator : The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Now let's go to commercial before I start cursing.
Tasha : [to Chris] You know, my grandmother said you were just another no-account Negro who never kept his promises or took care of his responsibilities, and would eventually end up leaving me in the cold with a runny-nosed baby.

Narrator : Then we'd be on Jerry Springer.
Narrator : Tasha was on the rebound, so I made like Dikembe Mutombo.
Narrator : While my mother was judging hats, Greg was judging me.

Greg Wuliger : Don't you think it's kinda weird to have a date on Easter?

Chris : Less weird than not having a date ever. Besides, it's not a date. It's an opportunity.

Greg Wuliger : I guess you're right. Maybe I should go back to church. You know, score some babes.

Narrator : When Greg went back to church, the only one who hit on him was the priest.
Chris : It's just that Robert's out of the picture. If I'm ever gonna have a shot with Tasha, this is it.

Greg Wuliger : I hear you. Kick a man when he's down, that's what I always say.

Narrator : That was the only time he ever said that.

Chris Rock: Narrator