Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

If My Hole Could Talk (2008)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Quotes 

• Charlie Harper : I don't know why you continue to bang your head against the wall. The kid's obviously destined to sell tube socks from the back of his car.

  Alan Harper : A business of his own. Gee, that'd be swell.

• Charlie Harper : [after Jake screws up yet again]  I'll bet you're sorry you took all that LSD before you had him.

  Alan Harper : I never took any LSD.

  Charlie Harper : You might want to start telling people you did.

• Angie : If a child doesn't grow up in a nurturing environment, he develops a big hole inside that can never be filled.

  Charlie Harper : Oh, I have such a big hole. If my hole could talk.

• Jake Harper : I might have to write a book report for Monday.

  Alan Harper : What do you mean you might have to write a book report?

  Jake Harper : I mean, if there's no earthquake by Monday morning, I have to write a book report.

  Alan Harper : Oh, God. So, what's the book?

  Jake Harper : William Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew". By William Shakespeare.

  Charlie Harper : Hey, that'll come in handy when he's moppin' out the toilets at the House of Pancakes.

  Jake Harper : Y'know, I could go for some pancakes.