The Muppets (2011)
Peter Linz: Walter
Photos
Quotes
-
Miss Piggy's Receptionist : She has an opening in early September.
Walter : Early September? But that's in six months!
Fozzie Bear : That's nothing. I once waited a whole year for September.
-
Walter : But Kermit, you have to try! The Muppets are AMAZING! You give people the greatest gift that can ever be given!
Kermit the Frog : Children?
Walter : No, the OTHER gift.
Kermit the Frog : Ice cream?
Walter : No, no, after that...
Kermit the Frog : Laughter?
Walter : YES! The THIRD greatest gift ever!
-
[as Gary and Walter prepare to leave for Los Angeles]
Walter : Maybe Kermit will be there!
Gary : I wouldn't get your hopes up, buddy. The Muppets haven't put on a show together in years. I don't think they use the studios for anything but tours anymore.
Walter : I think that's just an Internet rumor, like, "There's a country called Turkey!"
Gary : Walter, how many times do we have to go through this? Turkey is a real place!
-
Mahna Mahna : [sings] Mahna Mahna
Tex Richman : You're breaking the law! I own that name!
Snowth , Snowth : [the Snowths sing] Doo-doo, do-do-doo, do-do do do do do doo.
Gonzo : [with a bowling ball] Hey guys, I think I finally worked out how to - Whoo-ha!
[Gonzo throws the bowling ball and hits Tex Richman]
Fozzie Bear : 'Oil' bet that hurt.
[Tex Richman starts laughing]
The Newsman : This just in: Richman gives back Muppet theater and name. Change of heart, nothing to do with head injury.
Tex Richman : [sings] Mahna Mahna
-
Walter : Kermit, you're my hero. You're on my watch.
-
Walter : Either way, we've got to find Kermit! He'll know what to do.
Mary : How do we find Kermit? Nobody's seen him in years.
[Gary, Mary, and Walter pass a man selling Hot Star Maps in front of Pink's Hot Dogs]
Walter : [gasp] Wait, stop the car! I have an idea.
[cut to the trio eating some chili dogs]
Gary : These are delicious! Great idea, Walter.
-
Walter : Even the sunniest days can have a few clouds in them.
[Walter looks at his reflection in a fun house mirror, making him look taller]
Gary Age 9 : [consoling Walter] The ride's bogus anyway. Hey, want to rent a video?
Walter : Yeah, race you home!
Kermit the Frog : And... well. that night... sorta changed everything.
Kermit the Frog : [from archive footage] It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Mr. Steve Martin!
Walter : I found them -
[Walter gasps]
Walter : - The Muppets.
-
Mary : So, what do we do now?
Gary : I don't see a doorbell, and the house looks empty.
Walter : Gary, throw me over.
Gary : What?
Walter : Gary, just throw me over already!
Gary : Okay. Okay, here we go, OK...
Walter : One, two, three.
Walter : [Walter grunts as Gary gets ready to throw him over the fence] That's good.
Gary : Sorry.
Walter : No, it's good.
Mary : Guys? I think that's an electric fence.
Walter : Mary, it's Kermit the Frog.
Gary : OK buddy, head down.
Gary , Walter : One, two, three!
[Gary tosses Walter into the electric fence, and Walter screams in pain as he falls to the ground]
Mary : It's an electric fence.
Gary : Yep.
Gary : Oh, my gosh. Walter? Walter, buddy? Walter, can you hear me?
Walter : [in a raspy voice] Throw me again.
Gary : No, I don't... I don't think that's a good idea.
Walter : What kind of throw was that?
Kermit the Frog : Excuse me...
[Angelic choir voices are heard as Walter sees Kermit with a glow of light behind him; the lights and voices are actually coming from a bus that says "Good Shepherd Church Choir: 'O sing, ye righteous!' " on the side]
Kermit the Frog : You okay? That was quite a tumble.
[Walter faints]
-
Jack Black : [sings reluctantly while still tied up] Mahna mahna.
Snowth , Snowth : [the Snowths sing] Do-doo, do-doo doo
Selena Gomez : [sings] Mahna mahna
Snowth , Snowth : [the Snowths sing] Do-doo, doo-doo...
Miss Poogy : Hey Richman! We had a deal!
Janooce : Yeah, for reallies!
Fozzie Moopet : Yeah, you owe us money, man. What the wocka!
-
[singing]
Walter : Am I a Muppet, or am I a man? If I'm a Muppet, then I'm a very manly Muppet.
-
Gary : [entering Walter's dressing room] Walter, hey.
Walter : Gary. Oh, where have you been? I need you to help me figure out a talent.
Gary : A talent for what?
Walter : For the show. Kermit asked me to do an act in the show. I... I could be a Muppet.
Gary : Wow. Wow, Walter, that's amazing.
Walter : Yeah, but I need to figure out if I have a talent.
Gary : Well, you know what? I'm sure you'll think of something, but right now I actually... I need your help. I'm starting to get the feeling that Mary's upset with me about something, and I don't know what, and I was hoping maybe you would talk to her for me.
Walter : Gary, I'd love to help you out, but I can't leave the theater now. This is important.
Gary : Well, hold on a second. I mean, my life is important, too.
Walter : Yeah, but the whole reason we came here was to see the Muppets.
Gary : No, it wasn't! The whole reason we came here was to take a vacation where I took Mary out to a fancy dinner because it's our tenth anniversary, and then...
Gary : [dawning on him] Walter, what day is today?
Walter : Friday.
Gary : Yeah. Yeah, that's it. This is bad. Walter, this is really bad. I have to...
Gary : [running off] Mary! Mary!
Walter : Wait. Gary, I need you.
-
[first lines]
Walter : [narrating] That's me, Walter.
Walter : [having a water gun duel with Gary] Where'd - Where'd you go? Oh, there you are.
Walter : I have the best life in the whole world.
[Walter laughs as he squirts Gary]
Walter : That's my brother, Gary. He's the best friend you could ever have.
Walter : [Gary and Walter have their measurements marked in the doorway with a pencil] Yeah, I know what you're thinking: We could be twins.
Walter : Here's where we live: Smalltown... the best town you could ever grow up in.
Walter : Gary and I did everything together.
Walter : [narrating] And as the years passed, my brother was always there for me.
Walter : [playing baseball] I got it! Gary, throw me! Throw me! Aah!
[Gary tosses Walter into the air, and Walter makes the outfield catch]
Walter : We were a great team.
Gary Age 6 : Nice job, Walter.
Walter : Thanks, Gary.
-
Walter : Even the sunniest days can have a few clouds in them.
[Walter looks at his reflection in a fun house mirror, making him look taller]
Gary Age 9 : [consoling Walter] The ride's bogus anyway. Hey, want to rent a video?
Walter : Yeah, race you home!
-
Kermit the Frog : [from archive footage] It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Mr. Steve Martin!
Walter : I found them -
[Walter gasps]
Walter : - The Muppets.
Walter : [the Muppet Show's theme plays in the background] I guess you could say I was their number one fan.
Walter : [Walter opens his birthday present] Oh, Gary, it's an entire map of the Muppet Studios.
Walter : [Walter shakes the present before opening it, and then he gasps to discover a watch with Kermit the Frog's face on it] And they made all the difference.
Walter : [a kid says 'Trick or Treat!'] Because from then on...
Gary Age 13 : Hey, guys.
Laughing Kid , Laughing Kid , Laughing Kid : Oh, hey, Gary. Hey.
Walter : [Walter is wearing a Kermit costume] Hi-ho, guys. Yay!
Laughing Kid , Laughing Kid , Laughing Kid : [the trick-or-treaters laugh at Walter] Is that Kermit the Frog? What is this, 1978?
Walter : Even on the worst days, I knew... that as the years passed...
Kermit the Frog : [archived footage] Cancel that last remark...
Walter : As long as there are singing frogs and joking bears...
[Walter and Gary laugh as they watch reruns of The Muppet Show on VHS cassette]
Walter : Swedish chefs and boomerang fish, the world can be such a bad place after all.
