Psych (TV Series)

Talk Derby to Me (2008)

James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Shawn Spencer : My name is Shawn Spencer. This is my partner...

  [pause] 

  Shawn Spencer : I can't believe I'm blanking. I've done this a million times.

• [Gus uncovers a body in Westwood's truck] 

  Shawn Spencer : Oh, thank God!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : "Thank God"? It's a dead person.

  Shawn Spencer : Yeah, but it's not Juliet.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : It's still a human being, Shawn. It's Westwood. What's the matter with you?

  Shawn Spencer : You're saying you'd rather it be someone that we know and care about? Fine--next time I see Jules, I'll just tell her you wish she was dead.

• Shawn Spencer : [points to a mannequin dressed exactly like Gus]  Dude, I can't believe this. You lifted your look right off this mannequin.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : On the contrary, Shawn. Clearly, someone is stealing my look.

  Shawn Spencer : Right. I did see Tommy Hilfiger creeping from bush to bush sketching you.

• [Six people are squeezing into a tiny surveillance room] 

  Security Guard : We never have more than two people in this room.

  Shawn Spencer : It's cozy, which means I'll need everyone's hands where I can see them. That means yours, too, Chief.

  Security Guard : Who is this?

  Karen Vick : That's our psychic, Shawn Spencer.

  Shawn Spencer : Psychic and Treasurer of the American Wicker Council. I'm up for re-elction. I'm running on a rattan platform.

• Karen Vick : Eighty suspects? Really, Mr. Spencer, it wouldn't be possible perhaps to narrow it down just a bit, would it?

  Shawn Spencer : Not without help. It's a tight group, Chief. It's a clique. It's a sisterhood of the Ya-Ya variety and it's going to take a lot more than a smile and a pack of Pall Malls to get them to talk.

  Carlton Lassiter : Not a problem. Tough-to-crack suspects are right in my wheelhouse.

  Shawn Spencer : Negative. We cannot go about this using a typical Lassiterian technique. We need someone on the inside.

  Karen Vick : Are you saying you want to go undercover?

  Shawn Spencer : Undercover, yes. Me, no. Unfortunately, I'm not qualified for this sort of thing.

  Carlton Lassiter : Don't worry about it, Spencer. I've been itching to do some undercover work...and I got a new mustache guy.

  Shawn Spencer : I like where your head's at because this is going to take a very specific skill set, and there's only one person in this room who can pull it off. I've just got one question...

  [turns to Juliet] 

  Shawn Spencer : Can you skate?

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : What are we doing, Shawn?

  Shawn Spencer : Well, for starters, we're both growing mustaches very, very slowly. But we're also investigating.

• Shawn Spencer : Earlier, I got a call from the Chief. She sounded serious. Third break-in of its kind in this many months, no leads.

  Carlton Lassiter : The Chief told you that?

  Shawn Spencer : No, she did.

  [Shawn slaps the butt of a mannequin with no arms] 

  Shawn Spencer : She looks like the Venus de Milo, but she prefers to be called Traci with an "i". She saw everything. Said I should check the videos in the surveillance room.

  Carlton Lassiter : The mannequin told you that?

  Shawn Spencer : No, the Chief did. Come on, Lassie, keep up with me.

• Carlton Lassiter : Look, Chief, I can get results. Let me in on this.

  Shawn Spencer : Sure, Chief, Lassie seems like a smart choice. We know he's a demon on wheels and, of course, he's so very good with women.

  Karen Vick : Under the circumstances, I might consider you, Carlton, but you're never more obvious then when you're undercover. Perhaps you've forgotten the prosthetic nose debacle of 2005?

• [Gus refuses to get out of the car to find dumped 'evidence'] 

  Shawn Spencer : Dude, it'll only take a minute.

  [Gus doesn't move] 

  Shawn Spencer : You can't sit out here alone, in the dark, in a parked car. You'll get picked up for mopery.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : "Mopery"?

  Shawn Spencer : With intent to creep.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : Dude, you are leering.

  Shawn Spencer : If by leering you mean staring oddly and in a creepy way, then yes. But it's for an investigation, Gus.

• Shawn Spencer : That is the code of the roller girl.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I never thought I would hear you say that.

  Shawn Spencer : Even more than sinkhole sissy feet flapjack gogo-boots?

• Shawn Spencer : We're available for more cases by the way. Embezzlement, extortion, espionage. Pretty much anything that starts with E. Elephant theft.

  Karen Vick : I'll take that under advisement.

  Juliet O'Hara : Elephant theft?

  Shawn Spencer : Oh, yeah.

  Juliet O'Hara : People steal elephants?

  Shawn Spencer : Major problem. Pretty much out of control.

• Shawn Spencer : We call that detective work. It's a rare and beautiful thing - like clubbed thumbs.

• Shawn Spencer : We gotta get to Zilk's and we gotta check something out.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : If you say "pants" I'm gonna sock you in the Adam's apple.

• Shawn Spencer : [introducing Gus]  This is my vice president, Longbranch Pennywhistle.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : You know I have to study for my exam.

  Shawn Spencer : Right. The Rx...something.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Rx Rep RX. Pharmaceutical Rep Re-Certification Exam

  Shawn Spencer : That is the second worst name for a test ever, right after the Proctological Practicum.

• Shawn Spencer : You cannot sit here alone in the dark in a parked car. You'll get picked up for mopery.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Mopery?

  Shawn Spencer : With intent to creep. Trust me, it'll kick a big hole in your future.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : What are we doing Shawn?

  Shawn Spencer : Well, for starters we're both growing moustaches very very slowly. But we're also investigating.