- Billy Joe Banford: If you need me, I'll be topside.
- Shawn Spencer: If you need us, we'll be bottoms up.
- Shawn Spencer: We are merely pawns, in a bitter sibling feud.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm nobody's pawn, Shawn. I'm a queen.
- Billy Joe Banford: Cut the crap, son! A blind man could see that you two aren't investors.
- Shawn Spencer: Technically, a blind man can't see anything, Billy Joe.
- Shawn Spencer: Two men are dead! This is not the time for petty sibling squabbles. That's what Thanksgiving is for.
- Young Gus: Let's say we *do* find oil. What happens then?
- Young Shawn: All of our dreams come true. I'll be rich, and you'll work for me.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [Gus follows a smell to a closet and a dead guy falls out when he opens it] Why does it always have to be a dead guy?
- Carlton Lassiter: This is great! Barbara just witnessed the Chief choose me over Spencer. In her eyes, my stock just went up. Now if I could just get her to witness me discharge my weapon.
- Shawn Spencer: Believe me, I know what it feels like growing up with an older sister who gets all the attention.
- Karen Vick: I didn't know you had an older sister, Spencer.
- Shawn Spencer: I don't. But I did watch a lot of reruns of "The Brady Bunch".
- [hearing gunshots while locked in a store room]
- Shawn Spencer: We gotta get out of here.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn, I think the rule is when you hear gunfire you don't go towards it.
- [first lines]
- Young Gus: [1987 - digging a giant hole in Shawn's back yard] How can you be sure it's down there?
- Young Shawn: I can feel it in my bones, Gus. All great oil wild-catters have that ability: me, Getti, Clampett, Crisco, and Wesson.
- Henry Spencer: I think I got a friend over here, Captain Dale, might be able to help you out. Course you'll have to do some chores.
- Shawn Spencer: Chores?