- Shawn Spencer: How can you tell that someone's a compulsive liar? I mean, assuming that their pants aren't on fire.
- Tenant: May I help you?
- Shawn Spencer: Perhaps. My name is Shawn Spencer, I'm with the Big Uncles of America program. This is my underprivileged mentee, Hollaback Atcha. He's selling magazine subscriptions as a way to learn business skills. Otherwise, he'd be forced to join a gang if he was still on the streets.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: If I *were* still out on the street... I'd be an OG.
- Shawn Spencer: [chuckling] You wish.
- Shawn Spencer: Oh, come on, Jules. We all tend to bend the truth just a little.
- Juliet O'Hara: Not me.
- Shawn Spencer: Oh, really?
- Juliet O'Hara: Nuh-uh.
- Shawn Spencer: Does this ring a bell? "No, Shawn, I haven't had any naughty dreams about you." And, "Yes, Shawn, I do wish Gus was never born so that I could be your partner."
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: What?
- Shawn Spencer: True story.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: That's messed up.
- Juliet O'Hara: I never said that, Gus.
- Lyin' Ryan: [points to Shawn and Gus] Wait! That guy, the one with the great hair, he could vouch for me. I think we worked at Busch Gardens together one summer. Yeah, we made funnel cakes.
- Shawn Spencer: Oh, look at that, Gus. He must have gotten me confused with another man with great hair.
- Lyin' Ryan: And the white guy! I know him, too.
- Lyin' Ryan: The night before, I went to this restaurant to get a basket of these things called Fries Quatro Queso Dos Fritos. You know, the ones where they inject potatoes with a four-cheese mixture, fry them trhee-quarters of the way, pull them out, batter them, fry them again, and then serve them with bacon and an ancho chile sour cream? Anyway, as I was sitting there, a car speeds right through the storefront across the street. It makes such a loud noise, I had to turn my head and look, and that is when I overheard the guy with the curlicues on his face tell the other guy at the corner table about the assassination plot.
- Shawn Spencer: [in the observation room] Can it be true?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: No way.
- Shawn Spencer: I mean, is it even possible?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I couldn't imagine.
- Shawn Spencer: There's no way you could prepare a fry like that. That'd be way to much for the... for the human palate to manage.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: It would be a flavor seizure.
- Karen Vick: Gentlemen, please? Don't be ridiculous.
- Shawn Spencer: She's right. Let's just take a minute here to think things through.
- [pause]
- Shawn Spencer: They must be parboiling the potato first.
- Juliet O'Hara: Are you all right?
- Shawn Spencer: Yeah. Of course I am. Why?
- Juliet O'Hara: Well, we got the message that you were at the hospital. Something about life and death?
- Shawn Spencer: Oh, right. That. Well, we are in a hospital and as it happens it's filled with both life and death.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I knew I should have left that message.