Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk Gets Lotto Fever (2008)
Gregory Jbara: Stan Lawrence
Photos
Quotes
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Billy Logan : Excuse me, new girl. New girl, you're off your mark.
Natalie Teeger : My mark?
Billy Logan : Yeah. The big "X" on the floor. Look where I'm pointing.
[Natalie moves over there]
Stage Manager : 90 seconds!
Natalie Teeger : 90 seconds? Wait, I never got a script! Excuse me, I never got a script!
Billy Logan : There is no script. This is the lottery. For the love of God if there was a script, we'd all be rich!
[to himself]
Billy Logan : Amateurs.
[Billy walks off. Stan Lawrence approaches Monk, Stottlemeyer and Disher]
Stan Lawrence : Captain, Lieutenant. How's the investigation going?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well, we're just getting started. We've spoken to the staff, the camera crew; everybody said they left the building after the show.
Stan Lawrence : They usually do.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well somebody was here. The girl didn't stab herself.
Stan Lawrence : You wanted to know if Marissa received any fan mail. Some of them are very dicey, you know, personal. I put those on top.
[He hands the stack over]
Billy Logan : I need quiet everybody! New girl, new girl. You're on, in 5, 4, 3, 2-
[the show's theme music starts up. The studio cameras turn on]
Natalie Teeger : Good evening, people. Welcome to the Big Gold Rush Pick 6. I'm Natalie Teeger. Are you ready to play?
[pause. Monk gives her a "get on with it" gesture]
Natalie Teeger : Then let's play, the lottery! And the first number is...
[long pause. Billy Logan gestures to the button on the drum]
Billy Logan : [whispering] Turn it on!
[Natalie doesn't move]
Billy Logan : Turn it on!
[Natalie presses the power button]
Natalie Teeger : My god!
[the numbers come out of the drum. Natalie reads them and then sets them aside]
Natalie Teeger : And the first number is... 25. My mother's birthday. The next number... 52. 52... cards in a deck. The next number... 7. The Seven Dwarves.
[Stottlemeyer tears up some fan mail]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Seven dwarves.
[the number 32 is drawn]
Natalie Teeger : The next number... 32. 32 teeth.
[clicks her teeth]
Natalie Teeger : [the number 10 is drawn] 10. My boss's absolute favorite number.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Aw crap!
Natalie Teeger : Apparently not everybody's favorite.
[the number 17 gets drawn]
Natalie Teeger : And the final number is 17, my daughter's age.
[makes a little wave]
Natalie Teeger : Hi Julie!
[pause]
Natalie Teeger : Once again the winning numbers for today are 25, 52, 7, 32, 10, and 17. So, that's it for now! Keep playing lotto.
[pauses]
Natalie Teeger : You'll thank me later!
[the music stops. Monk is dumbstruck]
Adrian Monk : "You'll thank me later"? That's my line. I say that!
Lt. Randall Disher : It hurts, doesn't it?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You know I might as well flush 20 bucks down the toilet once a week.
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Natalie Teeger : [accidentally trips over some cables] Excuse me! Do these cables have to be right here?
Billy Logan : Yes they do, because they carry your voice from this microphone to that soundboard.
Natalie Teeger : Well can't you move them somewhere else? They almost broke my neck.
Billy Logan : Almost doesn't count.
Natalie Teeger : I'll do it.
[She starts to try to relocate the cables. Billy comes over]
Billy Logan : What are you doing? Put it down.
Natalie Teeger : I'm taking care of it.
[Stan Lawrence overhears the argument and comes over]
Stan Lawrence : Billy, what the hell is the matter here?
Natalie Teeger : Stan, I can't work with this guy!
Billy Logan : What, you can't work with me? I've been here for eight years, lady, and you're just another untalented face!
Stan Lawrence : Billy! Calm down!
Natalie Teeger : Untalented, huh? The ratings keep going up every night! How do you explain that?
Billy Logan : The ratings go up when the jackpot goes up! It has nothing to do with you, you moron.
Stan Lawrence : Billy! I've warned you before about your attitude. That's it. You're fired. Somebody call security.
