Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk Gets Lotto Fever (2008)

Joe Dietl: Stage Manager

Quotes 

• Billy Logan : Excuse me, new girl. New girl, you're off your mark.

  Natalie Teeger : My mark?

  Billy Logan : Yeah. The big "X" on the floor. Look where I'm pointing.

  [Natalie moves over there] 

  Stage Manager : 90 seconds!

  Natalie Teeger : 90 seconds? Wait, I never got a script! Excuse me, I never got a script!

  Billy Logan : There is no script. This is the lottery. For the love of God if there was a script, we'd all be rich!

  [to himself] 

  Billy Logan : Amateurs.

  [Billy walks off. Stan Lawrence approaches Monk, Stottlemeyer and Disher] 

  Stan Lawrence : Captain, Lieutenant. How's the investigation going?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well, we're just getting started. We've spoken to the staff, the camera crew; everybody said they left the building after the show.

  Stan Lawrence : They usually do.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well somebody was here. The girl didn't stab herself.

  Stan Lawrence : You wanted to know if Marissa received any fan mail. Some of them are very dicey, you know, personal. I put those on top.

  [He hands the stack over] 

  Billy Logan : I need quiet everybody! New girl, new girl. You're on, in 5, 4, 3, 2-

  [the show's theme music starts up. The studio cameras turn on] 

  Natalie Teeger : Good evening, people. Welcome to the Big Gold Rush Pick 6. I'm Natalie Teeger. Are you ready to play?

  [pause. Monk gives her a "get on with it" gesture] 

  Natalie Teeger : Then let's play, the lottery! And the first number is...

  [long pause. Billy Logan gestures to the button on the drum] 

  Billy Logan : [whispering]  Turn it on!

  [Natalie doesn't move] 

  Billy Logan : Turn it on!

  [Natalie presses the power button] 

  Natalie Teeger : My god!

  [the numbers come out of the drum. Natalie reads them and then sets them aside] 

  Natalie Teeger : And the first number is... 25. My mother's birthday. The next number... 52. 52... cards in a deck. The next number... 7. The Seven Dwarves.

  [Stottlemeyer tears up some fan mail] 

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Seven dwarves.

  [the number 32 is drawn] 

  Natalie Teeger : The next number... 32. 32 teeth.

  [clicks her teeth] 

  Natalie Teeger : [the number 10 is drawn]  10. My boss's absolute favorite number.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Aw crap!

  Natalie Teeger : Apparently not everybody's favorite.

  [the number 17 gets drawn] 

  Natalie Teeger : And the final number is 17, my daughter's age.

  [makes a little wave] 

  Natalie Teeger : Hi Julie!

  [pause] 

  Natalie Teeger : Once again the winning numbers for today are 25, 52, 7, 32, 10, and 17. So, that's it for now! Keep playing lotto.

  [pauses] 

  Natalie Teeger : You'll thank me later!

  [the music stops. Monk is dumbstruck] 

  Adrian Monk : "You'll thank me later"? That's my line. I say that!

  Lt. Randall Disher : It hurts, doesn't it?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You know I might as well flush 20 bucks down the toilet once a week.