Family Guy (TV Series)

Back to the Woods (2008)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, The Ghost of Vern, Foghorn Leghorn, James Brady

Quotes 

• David Letterman : Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen. Now please welcome out next guest Mr.James Woods.

  [Peter shows up in a suit] 

  David Letterman : Wait a minute, you're not James Woods.

  Peter Griffin : [shows Dave his cards]  Oh I believe I am. Driver's licence. Social Security. American Master Card.

  James Woods : What the hell is he doing?

  David Letterman : Wow, I guess you are James Woods. Now let me understand what are you here to promote James?

  Peter Griffin : Well Dave I have a hilarious new comedy coming out on HBO next month. It's all about 9/11. The movie's called September 11 Two thousand Fun.

  [Audience gasps] 

  James Woods : No. No. No. No. No.

  David Letterman : James that sounds unbeliveably offensive to Americans.

  Peter Griffin : What you haven't heard what the movie's all about. I play a window washer who has just finished washing the last window of the World Trade Center and then I turn around to get off the scaffold and what do I see coming, a plane. And I go 'Come on'. You it's real old style comedy. It's like two pies in the face and one in the field of Pennsylvania.

  David Letterman : James, I don't want to hear anymore about this.

  Peter Griffin : And the voice of the plane is David Spade.

  James Woods : What, I would never work with David Spade. That dwarf, that skinny chicken shit.

• [Peter and his friends have heard about an upcoming Barry Manilow concert] 

  Joe Swanson : You couldn't pay me to go to that thing.

  Peter Griffin : Hey, you know we should do? We should go, just as a goof.

  Quagmire : That would be hilarious.

  Joe Swanson : Yeah, just look at all the idiots.

  Cleveland : All the dumb-ass Manilow fans.

  Peter Griffin : I mean he's got like one good song.

  Quagmire : Yeah... I mean "Mandy" is not terrible.

  Joe Swanson : Yeah, the opening is okay.

  Cleveland : And I guess you can't hate "Copacabana".

  Quagmire : Yeah, if you're in the right mood.

  Joe Swanson : "Daybreak" is a good song.

  Cleveland : Oh, yeah.

  Peter Griffin : That's a good song. And I like "Weekend in New England".

  Quagmire : Yeah, that's a good one. "Looks Like We Made It".

  Peter Griffin : Yeah, it's not bad.

  Quagmire : Right.

  [long pause] 

  Joe Swanson : [sotto voice]  I love Barry Manilow.

  Peter Griffin : Oh my god, he's the best!

  Quagmire : I have everything he's ever recorded!

  Cleveland : Me too, in my car!

  Peter Griffin : We have to go to that concert!

• Peter Griffin : [Peter reads in the paper that the guy who rented Garden State ahead of him, like he wanted to, watched it and then lost the will to live]  It could have been me!

• James Woods : [Woods has stolen Peter's identity and evicts him from the house]  Not so fast, pal. Those are my clothes.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, come on!

  Joe Swanson : You heard him fella, take 'em off. Right down to the poop sack.

  [Woods and Peter look at him, confused] 

  Joe Swanson : What? You all don't wear a poop sack? DAMMIT, BONNIE! YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT THE POOP SACK!