Psych (TV Series)

Lights, Camera... Homicidio (2008)

Tosha Doiron: Kelly

Quotes 

• [Shawn has to re-enter the scene before he can remove the real nails from the "prop" nail gun] 

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Spanish]  Oh, there you are, my dear. Here, hand me the nail gun.

  Shawn Spencer : [English with heavy Spanish accent]  Okay, here you go. But do not point this at me because is mucho dangerioso.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Spanish]  I know that, my darling.

  Shawn Spencer : [English, Spanish accent]  Yo se that you know, but seriously, be very carefulio. You could muerteme with this thing because it is realio!

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Quintessa wrestles the nail gun out of his hands. In English:]  I love the improv, the passion.

  [Points the gun at him. In Spanish:] 

  Quintessa Gabriel : Of course it's real! As real as you cheating on me with my sister Serena, and getting her pregnant!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : [Watching from beside the camera]  Shawn's the father of Serena's baby!

  Shawn Spencer : [Normal accent, whisper]  Please put that down, woman, it's loaded with *real* nails!

  Quintessa Gabriel : [In Spanish]  And it's you that killed Vincente!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shawn, watch out! Watch out!

  [Shawn ducks behind a chair, Quintessa fires and misses, Shawn sees the real murderer and figures it out] 

  Shawn Spencer : [English, Spanish accent]  No! You are wrong! I am not a murderero! But I know who iso! Yes: your twin sister.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Spanish]  I don't have a twin sister.

  Shawn Spencer : [English, Spanish accent]  Yes, what I mean is, someone who wants to be your twin sister. Someone who wants to be you!

  Lance : [Watching on TV in jail]  I definitely did not write this.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [English]  Okay, I don't get it.

  Shawn Spencer : [English with accent]  No, it's like, uh

  [Spanish] 

  Shawn Spencer : beautiful girls... drinking... beer on the beach...

  Director : My God, he's improvising!

  Shawn Spencer : [Still Spanish]  with homicide... uh...

  [English with accent] 

  Shawn Spencer : Uh, can't do this... you make a translation for me, yeah?

  [Whispers in Quintessa's ear] 

  Henry Spencer : [Watching on TV at home]  Ah, high school Spanish comes back to haunt him.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [In English, pointing at Kelly]  She did it!

  Director : Pan over! Pan over!

  [Pan to shot of Kelly by the crafty table] 

  Shawn Spencer : [Normal accent]  After all that you just point at the murderer? Don't you have any sense of dramatic tension or build? Come on, what are we, on "Blossom"? No, you start by saying she was your biggest fan, you know? That she practically worships you, and that she read all the scripts. I got this, I got this.

  [Back to Spanish accent] 

  Shawn Spencer : You! Yes you! You hated it whenever Corrin was put into jeopardy! So you took it upon yourself to avenge her!

  Kelly : I had to! She cares too much! Her heart is too big for her chest!

  [Shawn glances at Quintessa's chest and shakes his head] 

• Kelly : [Continuing her confession/explanation]  When Ernesto cheated on her she was too weak to stand up for herself. I needed to help her. She was like my best friend.

  Quintessa Gabriel : I barely spoke to her.

  Shawn Spencer : [Normal accent]  Really?

  [Spanish accent] 

  Shawn Spencer : So it was you who replaced the retractable prop knife with the real one!

  Kelly : And he deserved it!

  Shawn Spencer : [Spanish accent]  And it was also you who poisoned poor Vincente after it was written that he betrayed Corrin!

  Quintessa Gabriel : But how?

  Shawn Spencer : [Spanish accent]  With a meatball.

  Jorge : [Flashback to earlier conversation]  Usually I hunger for her meatballs the way a jackal salivates for an injured opossum.

  Quintessa Gabriel : But he wrote the suicide note!

  Shawn Spencer : [Spanish accent]  No, he didn't! You should have a degree in being wrong all the time! And she almost got away with it, if it was not for the hairs!

  Quintessa Gabriel : Hairs?

  Shawn Spencer : [Spanish accent]  Yes, the hairs from the cheap imitation wig that you put on to emulate Corrin when you committed these murders!

  Kelly : Yes, I did it! And now it's your turn to die!

  Shawn Spencer : [Normal accent]  Say what?

  Kelly : For sleeping with Serena when all Corrin did was love you!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : She's right about that.

  [Kelly grabs the nail gun from Quintessa, shoots at Shawn] 

  Shawn Spencer : Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

  [Lassiter and O'Hara grab the gun from Kelly and cuff her, then realize they're live on TV] 

  Carlton Lassiter : Uh... hola! Me llamo... Inspector Carleton Lassiter. Me gusta queso.

  Juliet O'Hara : Really, that's what you choose to say?

  Carlton Lassiter : Well, I only took two years in junior high...

  [They escort Kelly off the set] 

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : Hurry up. Ask a question that proves there's more here than meets the eye. Go on!

  Shawn Spencer : I have a question!

  [everyone stops, stares at Shawn] 

  Shawn Spencer : [points to the concession cart]  Are those delicious-looking sandwiches for everybody?

  Kelly : Yes, for everyone working on the stage here.

  Shawn Spencer : Thank you.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : That's it? That's your question?

  Shawn Spencer : Follow-up question!

  [turns back to the conession cart] 

  Shawn Spencer : Do you have salami?