Psych (TV Series)

Lights, Camera... Homicidio (2008)

James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Henry Spencer : First off, your accent is terrible. It's disgraceful, really. You sound like that El Pollo Loco guy. And then, there you go, turning your back on Reynaldo even after he defended you when you were accused of Maria's kidnapping. Come on!

  Shawn Spencer : First of all, I am *trying* to sound like the El Pollo Loco guy. And secondly, Reynaldo turned his back on me when he slept with Maria in the first place.

  Henry Spencer : Oh, come on, he would have given you half the reward money. Where's your integrity? It makes you look like such a bad person!

  [pause] 

  Shawn Spencer : I'm Shawn. Those are things my character, Chad, did. I play him on TV. It's Shawn. Shawnie. Look into your boy's eyes.

  [puts his hand on Henry's shoulder] 

  Shawn Spencer : It's me, Papa.

  Henry Spencer : [shakes off Shawn's hand]  Don't be an idiot. I'm not one of your fans. I barely even like you.

• Jorge : [about Quintessa]  You don't know her wrath. She hates me. She is like the Latina Susan Lucci. She beat me up.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I hardly think there's a woman capable of that.

  Shawn Spencer : Bea Arthur.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I stand corrected.

• Shawn Spencer : [Gus questions Shawn's passion]  Do you have any idea how many pages we shot today? Eighty-three! And I'm getting by with the Spanish I learned from Charo on "Love Boat".

• Shawn Spencer : [heavy Spanish accent]  No, he didn't. Joo should have a degree in being wrong all the time!

• Lance : [about life in jail]  I could wallow in the harsh underbelly of prison life and shake it up a little bit with the riff-raff.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Uh, the "riff-raff"? This is the Santa Barbara jail, not San Quentin.

  Shawn Spencer : It was written up in Fodor's last year as a nice spa alternative.

• Shawn Spencer : You don't seduce a woman with your forehead and Adam's apple.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : This whole thing is starting to feel like a real soap opera to me. I can't believe he would try to take his own life.

  Shawn Spencer : Unless he was wearing a wig, he didn't. Someone else did.

  [dramatic music swells] 

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : What? I don't get it.

  Shawn Spencer : Really? I thought I wrapped it up so nicely for you just now. It felt really good. It was organic.

  [picks something out of Jorge's hair] 

  Shawn Spencer : Synthetic hair... just like the one found on the knife.

  [dramatic music swells] 

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : So?

  Shawn Spencer : Dude! It means the same person was there when Jorge tried to "kill himself". He wasn't alone.

  [dramatic music swells] 

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : So, wait... you're saying he *didn't* try to kill himself?

  Shawn Spencer : [sighs]  I can't do this.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : You're not being clear, Shawn.

  Shawn Spencer : Come on, dude! I gave it to you three different ways.

• [Shawn has to re-enter the scene before he can remove the real nails from the "prop" nail gun] 

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Spanish]  Oh, there you are, my dear. Here, hand me the nail gun.

  Shawn Spencer : [English with heavy Spanish accent]  Okay, here you go. But do not point this at me because is mucho dangerioso.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Spanish]  I know that, my darling.

  Shawn Spencer : [English, Spanish accent]  Yo se that you know, but seriously, be very carefulio. You could muerteme with this thing because it is realio!

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Quintessa wrestles the nail gun out of his hands. In English:]  I love the improv, the passion.

  [Points the gun at him. In Spanish:] 

  Quintessa Gabriel : Of course it's real! As real as you cheating on me with my sister Serena, and getting her pregnant!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : [Watching from beside the camera]  Shawn's the father of Serena's baby!

  Shawn Spencer : [Normal accent, whisper]  Please put that down, woman, it's loaded with *real* nails!

  Quintessa Gabriel : [In Spanish]  And it's you that killed Vincente!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shawn, watch out! Watch out!

  [Shawn ducks behind a chair, Quintessa fires and misses, Shawn sees the real murderer and figures it out] 

  Shawn Spencer : [English, Spanish accent]  No! You are wrong! I am not a murderero! But I know who iso! Yes: your twin sister.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Spanish]  I don't have a twin sister.

  Shawn Spencer : [English, Spanish accent]  Yes, what I mean is, someone who wants to be your twin sister. Someone who wants to be you!

  Lance : [Watching on TV in jail]  I definitely did not write this.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [English]  Okay, I don't get it.

  Shawn Spencer : [English with accent]  No, it's like, uh

  [Spanish] 

  Shawn Spencer : beautiful girls... drinking... beer on the beach...

  Director : My God, he's improvising!

  Shawn Spencer : [Still Spanish]  with homicide... uh...

  [English with accent] 

  Shawn Spencer : Uh, can't do this... you make a translation for me, yeah?

  [Whispers in Quintessa's ear] 

  Henry Spencer : [Watching on TV at home]  Ah, high school Spanish comes back to haunt him.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [In English, pointing at Kelly]  She did it!

  Director : Pan over! Pan over!

  [Pan to shot of Kelly by the crafty table] 

  Shawn Spencer : [Normal accent]  After all that you just point at the murderer? Don't you have any sense of dramatic tension or build? Come on, what are we, on "Blossom"? No, you start by saying she was your biggest fan, you know? That she practically worships you, and that she read all the scripts. I got this, I got this.

  [Back to Spanish accent] 

  Shawn Spencer : You! Yes you! You hated it whenever Corrin was put into jeopardy! So you took it upon yourself to avenge her!

  Kelly : I had to! She cares too much! Her heart is too big for her chest!

  [Shawn glances at Quintessa's chest and shakes his head] 

• Carlton Lassiter : [about Shawn and Gus]  I demand you remove *these* men from this room.

  Nurse : Honey, the only people actually authorized to be in here are Mr. Spencer and Mr. Guster. They're on Mr. Gama-Lobo's friends and family list. Everyone else, out!

  Carlton Lassiter : [to Shawn]  You just met him a week ago!

  Shawn Spencer : His whole family is back in Mexico. His older brother misses him very much.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : His sister.

  Shawn Spencer : Right.

  Juliet O'Hara : [to Lassiter, as they leave]  How does he make friends so fast?

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : So what does this mean?

  Shawn Spencer : I think it means we have a case.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Yes!

  Shawn Spencer : A big, fat, double-stuffed chalupa of a case... with guacamole.

• Shawn Spencer : [introduces Gus]  This is my partner, Lavender Gooms.

• Male Fan : [to Shawn]  I wanna have your baby! I wanna have your baby!

  Shawn Spencer : Don't I have any female fans?

• Shawn Spencer : Aww, Jules! If you want to spend more time with me, you don't have to trump up some case. You just pick up the phone, give me a call, and say, "Shawn, I'm here. I've got Pudding Pops."

• Carlton Lassiter : Lance Rothstein, you're under arrest for the murder of Reynaldo Nunez.

  [Lance looks at Shawn] 

  Shawn Spencer : Don't worry, I can get you off on that one.

  Carlton Lassiter : And the attempted murder of Jorge Gama-Lobo.

  [Lance looks at Shawn again] 

  Shawn Spencer : Ooh... I don't know about *that* one.

• Shawn Spencer : Now if I were a crime scene, where would I be?

  [Finds a police car and an ambulance] 

  Shawn Spencer : Here I am!

• Kelly : [Continuing her confession/explanation]  When Ernesto cheated on her she was too weak to stand up for herself. I needed to help her. She was like my best friend.

  Quintessa Gabriel : I barely spoke to her.

  Shawn Spencer : [Normal accent]  Really?

  [Spanish accent] 

  Shawn Spencer : So it was you who replaced the retractable prop knife with the real one!

  Kelly : And he deserved it!

  Shawn Spencer : [Spanish accent]  And it was also you who poisoned poor Vincente after it was written that he betrayed Corrin!

  Quintessa Gabriel : But how?

  Shawn Spencer : [Spanish accent]  With a meatball.

  Jorge : [Flashback to earlier conversation]  Usually I hunger for her meatballs the way a jackal salivates for an injured opossum.

  Quintessa Gabriel : But he wrote the suicide note!

  Shawn Spencer : [Spanish accent]  No, he didn't! You should have a degree in being wrong all the time! And she almost got away with it, if it was not for the hairs!

  Quintessa Gabriel : Hairs?

  Shawn Spencer : [Spanish accent]  Yes, the hairs from the cheap imitation wig that you put on to emulate Corrin when you committed these murders!

  Kelly : Yes, I did it! And now it's your turn to die!

  Shawn Spencer : [Normal accent]  Say what?

  Kelly : For sleeping with Serena when all Corrin did was love you!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : She's right about that.

  [Kelly grabs the nail gun from Quintessa, shoots at Shawn] 

  Shawn Spencer : Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

  [Lassiter and O'Hara grab the gun from Kelly and cuff her, then realize they're live on TV] 

  Carlton Lassiter : Uh... hola! Me llamo... Inspector Carleton Lassiter. Me gusta queso.

  Juliet O'Hara : Really, that's what you choose to say?

  Carlton Lassiter : Well, I only took two years in junior high...

  [They escort Kelly off the set] 

• Shawn Spencer : [Quintessa says Nunez only came to her dressing room to rehearse lines]  No, he's not running lines. He's holding a feather duster, dipping himself in pancake batter. And he's quite naked.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : Hurry up. Ask a question that proves there's more here than meets the eye. Go on!

  Shawn Spencer : I have a question!

  [everyone stops, stares at Shawn] 

  Shawn Spencer : [points to the concession cart]  Are those delicious-looking sandwiches for everybody?

  Kelly : Yes, for everyone working on the stage here.

  Shawn Spencer : Thank you.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : That's it? That's your question?

  Shawn Spencer : Follow-up question!

  [turns back to the conession cart] 

  Shawn Spencer : Do you have salami?

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : We're not actors.

  Lance : You're not?

  Shawn Spencer : Furthest thing from it. I'm a psychic.

• Shawn Spencer : [looking at Jorge's family photos; mistakes his sister for a male, and gets corrected]  She is quite lovely... in a young... Keith Hernandez sort of... Gosh, you must miss them very much.

• Shawn Spencer : So this is where the magic happens?

  Director : [deadpan]  Yes, smell the dream.

• Shawn Spencer : [having problems doing the wrap-up in Spanish; Quintessa does it for him]  After all that, you just... you just point at the murderer? Don't you have any sense of dramatic tension or build? Come on, what are we, on "Blossom"?

• Shawn Spencer : [about Lance]  Head writer, huh? He's not even Spanish.

• Shawn Spencer : Chief, you give us one day. One day! You have our word. We'll make sure this blatant departmental screw-up doesn't bring down the entire Santa Barbara police world... universe... galaxy.