How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Spoiler Alert (2007)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Quotes 

• Marshall Eriksen : Brother, you're driving the "I wanna have sex with her" truck, and it has a huge blind spot.

  Ted Mosby : That's ridiculous.

  Barney Stinson : Is it, really? Ted, let me tell you a little story about a young lady I wanted to have sex with. Lucilia. On a white sand beach in Rio de Janeiro, we made love for ten straight hours, and when we were done, she applauded, and told me I was far, far better than the best lover she could possibly imagine, and that I had restored her faith in God.

  Ted Mosby : What's that have to do with Cathy?

  Barney Stinson : Who's Cathy?

• Robin Scherbatsky : Oh, my God, Lily! What are you eating? Gravel?

  Marshall Eriksen : Oh, I know, right? It sounds like cufflinks going up a vacuum cleaner!

  Lily Aldrin : Well, why don't you sing about it?

  Marshall Eriksen : [singing]  Because I don't sing about everything I do!

  Robin Scherbatsky : No, no, sometimes you just sing nonsense words, like a stroke victim. And what's worse: they're catchy! Apple, Orchard, Banana Cat Dance.

  Robin Scherbatsky , Lily Aldrin , Barney Stinson , Ted Mosby : 8663.

  Robin Scherbatsky : See, we know that one because you once sang it for like three hours? What the hell is that?

  Marshall Eriksen : That's my password: AOBCD8663.

• Barney Stinson : Trust me, you need to see this.

  Marshall Eriksen : What is so important that I need to see it right now?

  Barney Stinson : It's a video of a dog pooping on a baby.

  Marshall Eriksen : How do I need to see that? Why would I need to see that? In what possible way could subjecting my eyes and brain to something that disgusting enrich my life?

  Barney Stinson : It's a dog pooping on a baby!

• Barney Stinson : [after Marshall passes the bar]  Lawsuit up!

• Barney Stinson : We're about to find out if you're a lawyer. Now, in good conscience, I have to inform you that using his software is in violation of the patriot act, the strategic defense initiative, and the national security act of 1948, which created to CIA. So I hope you passed the bar because if we use this software, the night janitor gligor who I fooled into putting fingerprints on my computer, is going to need a good lawyer. Are you certain you want to go through with this?

• Marshall Eriksen : What about you, "Barney"? Okay, you... always...

  Barney Stinson : Interesting, interesting, everyone has annoying habits but me.

  Marshall Eriksen : Oh, got it. Okay, you sometimes talk in a weird high-pitched voice.

  Robin Scherbatsky : And you're constantly using lame catchphrases.

  Ted Mosby : And sometimes you space out and don't even pay attention to what we're talking about.

  Barney Stinson : I'm sorry. what? Oh, see? You can't think of anything cause I am awesome.

  Robin Scherbatsky : All three right the.

• Barney Stinson : [on Marshall's grocery list]  This is like the shopping a ten-year-old does when his parents leave him alone for the weekend.

  Lily Aldrin : What parent leaves a ten-year-old alone for the weekend?

  Barney Stinson : And your mom was perfect.

• Barney Stinson : [to Marshall]  Just do a quick Google search on "caca spaniel".

• Barney Stinson : There's another one called "Golden Reliever", where this dog...

  Lily Aldrin : We can guess.