- Nancy Botwin: I got what the world would call a normal, boring job. I wake up in the morning, get dressed, drive myself to work, put on a nametag... take my brain out of my skull and place it in a drawer. I spend the next 9 hours smiling at people, pretending to be interested in their happiness, tolerating the company of my coworkers... staring at the clock. At the end of the day, I take my nametag off, open the drawer, reach for my brain, plop it back inside, walk to the employee parking lot, drive myself home and it's really, really... really boring. Looks like I'm going to be doing it for a long, long time.
- Andy Botwin: [Outgoing voicemail message] Hello phone caller, this Andrew, Andrew Botwin. It pains me we couldn't make this instant human connection. Leave a message and while you do it, imagine me listening to it, where I might be at the time, what I might be wearing.
- Nancy Botwin: [Leaving message] Andy, this is me. Got a little delayed. I'm on my way now. Thinking you probably don't have cell reception where you are, so you probably won't hear this before I reach you. But it's making me feel better and preventing me from killing Celia at the moment. Oh, yes, I forgot to open with that. Celia Hodes is sitting next to me in the car, all the way from Agrestic. How did she get here? I don't know, but when I hear the unbelievably stupid reason that comes out of her mouth, I'm going to fucking kill her!... So, there may be a dead body in the car when I get there; that's just a heads up. I'll be there soon. Oh, and your outgoing message is creepy; please change it.
- [Hangs up]