- Howard Wolowitz: Is is because I'm Jewish? Because I would kill my rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister.
- Sheldon Cooper: It has nothing to do with religion. It has to do with the fact that you're a tiny man who lives with his mother.
- [Sheldon's hot twin sister, Missy, is in town for a wedding]
- Leonard Hofstadter: If the wedding's not until tomorrow, why don't you stay with us tonight?
- Missy: Oh, I don't think so. Shelly doesn't like company. Even as a little boy, he'd send his imaginary friends home at the end of the day.
- Sheldon Cooper: They were not "friends". They were imaginary colleagues.
- Penny: So, Sheldon's sister is pretty cute.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I wasn't staring!
- Penny: I didn't say you were; I just said she was cute.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh! Uh, maybe... if you like women who are tall... and perfect.
- Raj Koothrappali: Everyone knows genetic diversity produces the strongest offspring. Why not put a little mocha in your latte?
- Sheldon Cooper: That is true, but consider the fact that you require medication to even talk to someone of the opposite sex.
- Leonard Hofstadter: On the other hand, some physicists are concerned that if the supercollider actually works, it will create a black hole and swallow up the earth ending life as we know it.
- Raj Koothrappali: What a bunch of cry babies. No guts, no glory, man.
- Howard Wolowitz: You have Penny.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't have Penny. In what conceivable universe do I have Penny?
- Howard Wolowitz: So I can have her then?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No!
- Raj Koothrappali: Have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra?
- Missy: The sex book.
- Raj Koothrappali: The *Indian* sex book. In other words, if you've ever wondered, wondered who wrote the book of love... it was us.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Maybe she's his lawyer.
- Howard Wolowitz: Well, she's free to inspect my briefs.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Howard...
- Howard Wolowitz: I know, I'm disgusting. I should be punished. By her. Oh, look, I did it again.
- Sheldon Cooper: She's my twin sister. She thinks she's funny, but frankly, I've never been able to see it.
- Missy: That's because you have no measurable sense of humor, Shelly.
- Sheldon Cooper: How exactly would one measure a sense of humor? A humormometer?
- Leonard Hofstadter: [sees a crowd outside Sheldon's office] What's going on?
- Howard Wolowitz: Shhh. Hot girl in Sheldon's office.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon's office? Is she lost?
- Howard Wolowitz: I don't think so. I followed her here from the parking lot.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, we shared a uterus for 9 months, but since then, we've pretty much gone our separate ways.
- Raj Koothrappali: [Penny calls Missy to come to the door] Thank you. I apprec... apprec... appre... uh oh.
- Penny: Oh honey, is your medication wearing off?
- [Raj nods]
- Missy Cooper: Well, hi cutie pie. I was hopin' you'd show up.
- [Raj is only able to emit high-pitch squeals]
- Sheldon Cooper: I always thought I was more like a cuckoo bird. You know, a superior creature whose egg is placed in the nest of ordinary birds. Of course, the newly hatched cuckoo eats all the food, leaving the ordinary siblings to starve to death. Luckily for you, that's where the metaphor ended.
- Missy Cooper: I thought it ended at cuckoo.