- Mary Shannon: [meets Marshall's former college teacher's assistant from Critical Thinking 101] You sure she wasn't your science teacher? 'Cause there's definitely a lot of chemistry going on there.
- Mary Shannon: [catching Marshall coming out of a campus building] Hey there, Socrates. What brings you to these hallowed halls? Boning up on Philosophy? Taking an oral exam? Having *sex* with your old professor?
- Scott Worley: [to his kid brother, Chris, after taking a bookie's bet that the boy can sink 10 free throws] Yeah, well, now you got *real* pressure to deal with. This is what it's like when the game is on the line. Step up, and trust your routine.
- Scott Worley: [walking in the gym to watch Chris play college basketball] Do you play?
- Marshall Mann: Badminton. We played our tournaments here. See this scar? Shuttlecock injury... ended my career.
- Scott Worley: [to Mary] Yeah, is he kidding?
- Mary Shannon: I don't know. Either way, it's pathetic.
- Scott Worley: [moves away from them] Excuse me.
- Mary Shannon: [grinning] Way to work "shuttlecock" into the conversation... you jackass.
- Marshall Mann: It's one of the funnier words.
- Mary Shannon: [to Chris] I came here to tell you, that in the entire span of your life, whatever immediate problem you're facing... it's just a blip on the radar, unless you do something stupid, that turns it into a defining moment.
- Mary Shannon: One way or another, I am going to nail that guy. I mean literally nail him, fillet his hide to a tree, spread it with jam and watch the squirrels go to town.