"The Big Bang Theory" The Bat Jar Conjecture (TV Episode 2008) Poster

(TV Series)

(2008)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

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Adam Gregor and Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Johnny Galecki and Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Sergio Enrique, Adam Gregor, Mark Harelik, Jim Parsons, and Sandra Marquez in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Sara Gilbert, Johnny Galecki, Adam Gregor, Mark Harelik, and Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Johnny Galecki, Simon Helberg, Jim Parsons, and Kunal Nayyar in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Simon Helberg and Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Sergio Enrique, Adam Gregor, Jim Parsons, and Sandra Marquez in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Sara Gilbert, Sergio Enrique, Johnny Galecki, Adam Gregor, Mark Harelik, Simon Helberg, Jim Parsons, Sandra Marquez, and Kunal Nayyar in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Johnny Galecki, Simon Helberg, Jim Parsons, and Kunal Nayyar in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Sara Gilbert and Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Simon Helberg, Jim Parsons, and Kunal Nayyar in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Johnny Galecki, Simon Helberg, Jim Parsons, and Kunal Nayyar in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Johnny Galecki and Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Simon Helberg, Jim Parsons, and Kunal Nayyar in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Kaley Cuoco, Johnny Galecki, Simon Helberg, Jim Parsons, and Kunal Nayyar in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Johnny Galecki and Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Simon Helberg and Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory (2007) 6 more photos

Quotes 

  • Dmitri : [Dmitri takes a quick gander at the equation, then rings in like it's nothing]  The answer is minus eight pi alpha.

    Sheldon : [to Dr. Gablehauser]  Hang on, hang on a second, that is not our answer!

    [to Dmitri] 

    Sheldon : What are you doing?

    Dmitri : [Wearily]  Answering question; winning physics bowl.

    Sheldon : How do *you* know anything about physics?

    Dmitri : Here I am janitor. In former Soviet Union, I am physicist; Leningrad Polytechnica - Go Polar Bears.

    Sheldon : That's a delightful little story, but our arrangement was that you kept quiet while I answered all the questions.

    Dmitri : [Defiantly, without looking at him]  You didn't answer question.

    Sheldon : [Hissing]  Listen you! You may have democracy now in your beloved Russia, but on this physics bowl team, I rule with an iron fist!

    [Holds up his wrist-braced right arm with his hand clenched, then winces] 

    Sheldon : Owwww!

  • Leonard : [Sheldon tries to sit on the couch]  Sorry, somebody is sitting there.

    Sheldon : Who?

    Leonard : [triumphantly]  My physics bowl trophy!

    Sheldon : That trophy is meaningless. I forfeited, therefore, you did not win.

    Leonard : I know someone who would disagree.

    Sheldon : Who?

    Leonard : [triumphantly louder]  My physics bowl trophy!

    Leonard : [trophy is "speaking"]  Leonard is so smart! Sheldon who?

  • Leonard : Do I have to quote Spock's dying words to you? The needs of the many...

    Howard Wolowitz : ...outweigh the needs of the few...

    Sheldon : ...or the one. Damn it, I'll do it.

    [does Vulcan salute] 

  • Dr. Eric Gablehauser : [after Sheldon declines to accept Dmitri the janitor's correct answer as their official answer]  Therefore, your winner is...

    Leonard : [Stops him]  Hold on a second.

    [Stands up and faces him, admonishingly] 

    Leonard : Sheldon, is proving that you are single-handedly smarter than everyone else so important that you would rather lose by yourself than win as part of a team?

    Sheldon : I don't understand the question.

    Leonard : [Shrugs, then to Dr. Gablehauser]  Alright, continue.

    Dr. Eric Gablehauser : The winner is PMS!

    [They celebrate to Queen's "We Are the Champions"] 

  • Sheldon : Well... At this point I should inform you, I intend to form my own team and will destroy the molecular bonds that bind your very matter together, and reduce the resulting particular chaos to tears.

    Leonard : Thanks for the heads up.

    Sheldon : You're welcome. One more thing.

    Leonard : Yes?

    Sheldon : It's on, bitch!

  • Sheldon : What rat have you recruited to the U.S.S. Sinking Ship?

    Leslie Winkle : [Behind him]  Hello, Sheldon.

    Sheldon : [Turns around]  Leslie Winkle.

    Leslie Winkle : Yeah. Leslie Winkle. The answer to the question, "Who made Sheldon Cooper cry like a little girl?"

    Sheldon : Yes, well... I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.

    Leslie Winkle : [sarcastically]  Oh, ouch.

  • Howard Wolowitz : Oooh... more details about the new Star Trek film. There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.

    Raj Koothrappali : I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.

    Sheldon : Oh, please. For Vulcans, mating - or if you will, pon farr... is an extremely private matter.

    Leonard : Still, I'd like to know the details. His mother was human, his father was Vulcan. They couldn't just 'conceive'.

    Howard Wolowitz : Maybe they had to go to a clinic. Can you imagine Spock's dad in a little room with a copy of "Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears"?

    Raj Koothrappali : How come on Star Trek everybody's private parts are the same? No alien lady ever told Captain Kirk, "Hey, get your thing out of my nose".

  • Leonard : Sheldon, you have to let somebody else answer.

    Sheldon : Why?

    Penny : Because it's polite.

    Sheldon : What do manners have to do with it? This is war. Were the Romans polite when they salted the ground of Carthage to make sure nothing would ever grow again?

    Penny : Leonard, you said I only had to *ask* questions.

  • Dr. Eric Gablehauser : AA, I need your official answer.

    Sheldon : [regarding Dmitri ringing in]  Well, it's not what he said.

    Dr. Eric Gablehauser : Than what is it?

    Sheldon : I want a different question.

    Dr. Eric Gablehauser : You can't have a different question.

    Sheldon : Formal protest.

    Dr. Eric Gablehauser : Denied.

    Sheldon : Informal protest.

    Dr. Eric Gablehauser : Denied. I need your official answer.

    Sheldon : No. I decline to provide one.

    Dr. Eric Gablehauser : Well, that's too bad, because the answer your teammate gave was correct.

    Sheldon : That's your opinion.

  • Howard Wolowitz : Maybe I should answer the engineering questions. I am an engineer, after all.

    Sheldon : By that logic, I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal.

  • Sheldon : [discussing their team name for the Physics Bowl]  Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures, thus intimidating one's opponent.

    Raj Koothrappali : Then we could be the "Bengal Tigers."

    Sheldon : Poor choice. Gram for gram, no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.

    Raj Koothrappali : Maybe so. But you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.

  • Penny : Tweety bird tawt he taw a what?

    Sheldon Cooper : Romulan.

    Penny : [sarcastically]  Yes, he tawt he taw a Romulan.

  • Dr. Eric Gablehauser : First question. For ten points: What is the isospin singlet partner of the pi-zero meson?

    [Leonard and Sheldon ring in] 

    Dr. Eric Gablehauser : PMS?

    Leonard : The eta meson.

    Dr. Eric Gablehauser : Correct.

    [the audience applauds] 

    Sheldon : Formal protest.

    Dr. Eric Gablehauser : On what grounds?

    Sheldon : The Velcro on my wrist brace caught on my shirt.

    Dr. Eric Gablehauser : Denied.

  • Sheldon : The objective of the competition is to give correct answers. If I know them, why shouldn't I give them?

    Howard Wolowitz : Some of us might have the correct answers, too.

    Sheldon : [scoffing]  Oh, please. You don't even have a Ph.D.

    Howard Wolowitz : [standing up angrily]  All right, that's it!

    Leonard : Howard, sit down.

    Howard Wolowitz : [sitting down submissively]  Okay.

  • Sheldon : You want me to use my intelligence in a tawdry competition? Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?

  • Leonard Hofstadter : You're off the team.

    Sheldon Cooper : Why?

    Leonard Hofstadter : Because you're taking all the fun out of it.

    Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry, is the winner of the Physics Bowl the team that has the most fun?

  • Leonard Hofstadter : Come on, we need a 4-person team. We're 4 people.

    Sheldon Cooper : By that reasoning, we should also play bridge, hold up a chuppah, and enter the olympic bobsled competition.

See also

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