- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: [after NED refuses to let CHUCK move back in] But, you promised me comforting. You're my "king-sized duvet of goose down goodness"!
- Ned: [regretfully] I know. Selfishly, I want to duvet you right this second.
- Calista Cod: Randy's a nutjob's name.
- Ned: Randy's also a fun guy's name. You can grab a beer with Randy, grill a brat with Randy, pick up chicks with Randy.
- Emerson Cod: And help stuff them into Randy's freezer with Randy.
- Randy Mann: Well, there's nothing wrong with being alone, you know. Joe taught me that - called it "the first step". No good to somebody else unless you're good with being with just you.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: We let loose with everything we were feeling and thinking, and flogged our friendship to death with a great big truth club.
- Veronica Villanueva: Joe was a frescort.
- Dr. Eugene Halifax: It's short for "friend/escort," basically a friend for hire. You pick from the catalog. They become anyone you want them to be.
- Emerson Cod: What's wrong with picking somebody the old-fashioned way - walking up to them and saying, "Hi, my name is Blah-Dee-Blah. Do you like bloo-dee-blooin'? Me too! Let's be friends"?
- Buddy Amicus: Someone call the police! Tell them there's a vindictive person with low self-esteem on the loose!