It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person (2007)

Charlie Day: Charlie Kelly

Photos 

Quotes 

• Charlie Kelly : [singing with his band]  Night Man, sneaky and mean / Spider inside my dreams / I think I love you / You make me want to cry / You make me want to die / I love you / I love you / I love you / I love you / I love you Night Man / Every night you come into my room and pin me down / With your strong arms you pin me down / And I try to fight you / You come inside me / And fill me up and I become the...

  Mac : [cuts him off]  Whoa whoa, Charlie. Okay the first part of that song was kinda cool but what's up with the second part?

  Charlie Kelly : Well it's about the Night Man and how he comes inside me and I like become him, you know I become the spirit of the Night Man

  Mac : Yeah? Cause it sounds like a song where a guy breaks into your house and rapes you!

  Charlie Kelly : What? No. Where are you getting that from? Here' let me play the rest

  [starts singing again] 

  Charlie Kelly : It's just two men sharing the night/ It might seem wrong but it's just right/ It's just two men sharing each other/ It's just two men like loving brothers/ One on top and one on bottom/ One is inside and one is out/ One is screaming he's so happy/ The other's screaming a passionate shout/ It's the Night Man/ The feeling so wrong and right man/ The feeling so wrong and... / I can't fight you Night Man when you come inside me and pin me down with your strong hands and I become the niiiiiiight/ The passionate, passionate Night Man!

• Charlie Kelly : What is going on up here?

  [points to his head and laughs] 

  Dennis Reynolds : I never know, man.

  Charlie Kelly : Daylight.

  [pointing to a bright window] 

  Dennis Reynolds : Yeah, I like that.

  [pointing to Charlie's keyboard beat] 

  Charlie Kelly : Day, Day-man.

  Dennis Reynolds : Dayman?

  Charlie Kelly : Fighter of the Night Man, Champion of the...

  Dennis Reynolds : Sun.

  Charlie Kelly : Sun! You're a master of karate...

  Dennis Reynolds : And friendship, for everyone.

• Dennis Reynolds : What's with the uh, curtains?

  Charlie Kelly : I'm living in a world of darkness.

  Dennis Reynolds : Right. Let's get some light in here.

  [pulls down curtains and sees Charlie with silver spray paint around his nose and mouth from huffing] 

  Dennis Reynolds : Whoa, what's with the spray paint, man?

  Charlie Kelly : Uhh, what's with your outfit, man?

  Dennis Reynolds : Why don't we put the curtains back up?

  Charlie Kelly : No, no. What is going on up here?

  [points to his head] 

  Dennis Reynolds : I never know, man.

  Charlie Kelly : [starts a beat with his electric piano]  Daylight...

  [points to windows] 

  Dennis Reynolds : Yeah, I like that.

  Charlie Kelly : Day-Dayman.

  Dennis Reynolds : Dayman.

  Charlie Kelly : Fighter of the Nightman. Champion of the... sun. You're a master of karate...

  Dennis Reynolds : ...and friendship, for everyone.

  Charlie Kelly : Dayman, that's it!

  Dennis Reynolds : Dayman, ahh-ahh-ahh!

  Charlie Kelly : ...Fighter of the Nightman.

  Dennis Reynolds : Ahh-ahh-ahh.

  Dennis Reynolds , Charlie Kelly : Champion of the sun. Ahh-ahh-ahh. You're a master of karate and friendship for everyone! Dayman.

• Charlie Kelly : Whoa dude, what are you doing? That's my good chair!

  Mac : Charlie, it's covered in bird shit.

  Charlie Kelly : No... it's toothpaste.

  Mac : It's clearly bird shit.

  Charlie Kelly : No, it's not. It's toothpaste.

  Mac : Do you even own a toothbrush?

• Charlie Kelly : Hey, Dee, does that guy have, like, a... like, a little hand?

  Mac : Charlie, I was gonna say his foot looks small.

• Charlie Kelly : [singing]  They took you Night Man and you don't belong to them. They left me in a world of darkness without your sexy hands and I miss you, Night Man... so bad.