- Uncle Ruckus: The law say when the bicycle stop, the wheels supposed to stop. You need a special permit for wheels like that.
- Riley Freeman: I don't snitch! I can't talk to the Po-po.
- Huey Freeman: You can tell Granddad, he's not the police.
- Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Yeah boy. You can tell me.
- Riley Freeman: Do you promise not to tell nobody?
- Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Of course I promise. I swear on your life.
- Riley Freeman: [pause] You lyin'! That's messed-up, Granddad!
- Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: [grabs Riley by the shoulders] Boy, you tell me who stole my car!
- Gin Rummy: It's not a cybernetic ear, it's a cell phone headset. The only thing you gonna do with it is call a bitch, and unless the bitch is a Martian, there ain't no explanation for it to look that high-tech.
- Ed Wuncler III: I had titties in one hand, titties in the other hand. I had two hands full of titties. That's bigger than two scoops of raisins. I'm talkin' to my accountant at the same time. What's not to like about that?
- Gin Rummy: First of all, I don't know when you talkin' to me or when you're on the phone. Second, when people wear those things, they appear to be talkin' to theyselves. There's a name for people who talk to theyselves, Ed. They're called the homeless.