I've never heard of Bert Kreischer so clearly I'm not a fan of his comedy, but nor can I hate it, and as such, the same goes for this film. The Machine was loud, obnoxious and overbearing, and nothing about this comedy should've worked, but it played well to its strengths, and ended up being much more entertaining than it should've been. The casting - especially the villains, was over the top, but it worked even though it shouldn't have, just like Kreischer and Mark Hamill shouldn't have worked, but it did, mostly from their hilarious dialogue and antics. It's not the greatest comedy out there, but it's also not the worst, and we did have a bunch of laugh out loud moments, so that's a good sign. This machine works best with lots of high-octane fluids and with your gears in neutral. It's dumb fun and a decent one-time watch, especially with all the slim pickings out there.
149 Reviews
Good also Funny, But Not Amazing
anthonyroskoski2 June 2023
The movie itself was pretty funny for the most part. I would also agree that it was a little slow at times too. Burt performing on-stage is truly authentic and amazingly funny. For a 1st time actor, I thought he did really well. Some have rated this movie with low scores forgetting that this is a stand-up comedian acting in a major motion picture about his life and never experiencing the acting role before. If you hated this movie and decided to post negative remarks and ratings, I cannot relate. I have read some of these negative reviews and it is clear that some people believe that they themselves are Siskle & Ebert themselves. The movie is funny, was it the best comedy I have ever seen NO. But to bash a movie just because it wasn't your cup of tea is an insult to reviews as a whole. When I dislike something, I simply choose to remember the morales my mother and father taught me as a young child. I keep my opinions and negative thoughts to myself. Go see the movie, it's pretty funny.
Not bad. Not the best.
Brad_G3528 May 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I'm a Bert fan. I enjoyed seeing the time during filming(Via Bert's IG stories). The movie wasn't terrible but I don't think there's any reason to watch it more than once.
I think Mark Hamill will definitely get more butts in seats for this movie. I knew the movie was going to expand on his Russian mafia story but I didn't realize it was going to be a back and forth between 20 years ago and present day basically stretching out a 15 minute story into almost 2 hours.
The final act with Bert just kicking ass was the highlight of the movie.
I do know that Bert enjoyed making this movie and he's proud of it. It definitely came across on screen. You can tell he had a blast acting and that alone is one reason to see it.
I was a little disappointed with my theater... I don't think anyone in the crowd knew Leeann had a small role except for me. That was a nice easter egg for the fans.
As for an action movie, I think it's great. Being a stand-up comedian movie though, I think I was expecting a little more comedy. Dirty comedy. Being able to laugh uncontrollably comedy. Unfortunately this movie didn't have that. It had some funny-haha moments but nothing that made me roll around the floor laughing.
I think Mark Hamill will definitely get more butts in seats for this movie. I knew the movie was going to expand on his Russian mafia story but I didn't realize it was going to be a back and forth between 20 years ago and present day basically stretching out a 15 minute story into almost 2 hours.
The final act with Bert just kicking ass was the highlight of the movie.
I do know that Bert enjoyed making this movie and he's proud of it. It definitely came across on screen. You can tell he had a blast acting and that alone is one reason to see it.
I was a little disappointed with my theater... I don't think anyone in the crowd knew Leeann had a small role except for me. That was a nice easter egg for the fans.
As for an action movie, I think it's great. Being a stand-up comedian movie though, I think I was expecting a little more comedy. Dirty comedy. Being able to laugh uncontrollably comedy. Unfortunately this movie didn't have that. It had some funny-haha moments but nothing that made me roll around the floor laughing.
I really wanted to like this
evelynmessner28 May 2023
I really wanted to like this movie and I didn't hate it per se, but it was not what the trailer made it out to be. I am a huge fan of comedy/action movies like The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent but this one didn't quite fit the bill. The set up took way too long. I spent the first probably hour and fifteen minutes thinking meh I could leave and wouldn't care if I didn't see the end. It hit its stride in the middle and then tied everything together but not in the most satisfying way. The main character arc seemed a little abrupt and not so much earned. Mark Hamil was not used correctly. He did the best with what he was given and it seemed like a film he would have enjoyed making but his comedy was a little forced. The best part of this film was definitely the end, when the comedy reached its peak. The action was very fun to watch on the big screen but other than that if you've seen the trailer you've seen the best comedy it has to offer.
Exactly what the movie should have been.
dombernetti2 June 2023
This movie met everyone one of my expectations. It was funny but light hearted. Bert is an expert at pulling you in and rooting for an underdog telling a story that connects you to his family while being funny. Bert expands upon his most famous story and it was really fun to be a fly on the wall as he stretched the imagination of an iconic story and added a different perspective and also added a new storyline of him being brought back to Russia. I was entertained the whole time. I laughed the whole time and that is all I wanted. I personally did not think it was cheesy and a ton of it is based off the real story and almost brings it more to life and adds a further dimension of making the story more of a folk tail than it already is. I felt the move was review way to hard by the critics because Bert stays 100 percent true to himself and delivered a Bert classic. Screw the harsh critics this was a heck of a time. Thanks Bert.
Meh
deadaim-1213628 May 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I love Bert, his podcasts, standup, and even The Machine bit, but this just wasn't it. It wasn't good at all, but at the same time it wasn't the worst. I had a couple chuckles throughout, but absolutely nothing to write home about. The "Tom is fat" Easter eggs and LeeAnn's cameo were fun, but those were possibly the best parts of the film. I had really high hopes heading into this film too, it just missed the bar by quite a bit. Bert's acting wasn't great, but his passion is and hope he tries again with another story, but you can go ahead and pass this one up. Glad I paid with a 6 year old gift card and not my hard earned money.
Has It's Moments
dmoorejr30 May 2023
The Machine! Had to support our boy Bert in his first movie ever! His fighting sequences were dope. The camera work was pretty sick when it came to blending in the present day to the flashback sequences. I liked the dynamic between Bert, and Mark Hamill. With that being said the first 15 minutes were pretty rough. The pacing was pretty slow. When the movie kicked into gear it was a fun, entertaining ride. This was R Rated? I couldn't tell. Some jokes were funny, others weren't. To be honest I would've preferred an entire movie based on the flashback sequences alone. Definitely check this out when it hits streaming services.
Very Bad Movie, Not Funny, Don't Waste Your Time
magillaglubglub7 July 2023
Very slow, very uninteresting, very much a waste of time. I wanted this to be funny or maybe a little action, but it was just dumb. Nobody else in my family would watch, I'm sorry I did. Nothing about the main character even remotely interesting. Big guy gets rich because of his fat guy routine, but then gets super lazy and does nothing and whines about life. Very painful to watch. Very sorry I wasted money on an embarrassingly bad movie. Was hoping at least attempt at humor, but no - just boring. Literally a bunch of scenes of fat guy lamenting he's been successful and then a lot of time confirming he has nothing to offer besides fat jokes.
Funny? yes Good movie? yea sure why not
gcjake-112354 June 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Now is this movie going to win any awards??? No but it is a extremely funny and Extremely fun movie it's just a good time......now it's not the funniest movie i've seen this year but it's up there and after this i think bert's career is going to be Great......also Mark the fing legendary actor was amazing as well the rest of the cast did good but i wasn't blown away with anyone's acting abilities mostly bert's delivery......BUT all around good movie if your wanting to watch a good movie with a gf/bf or anything and want it to be funny and also have some action go for this it won't disappoint..
Pretty unwatchable
tlckijiji30 May 2023
I used to like some of Bert's comedy but he's become more and more unbearable every year. To the point where he's virtually unwatchable now.
If the details of the story EVER match the excitement Bert feels and wants you to feel while telling it then it will be as big a hit as Bert and his friends want you to think.
I had to at least give it a shot to see if he'd improved or if with the miracle of editing and post production they could make the story palatable. They could not.
Not even a strong supporting cast could save this steaming pile of...steamy stuff that this dumpster fire is.
Bottom 10 movies I've ever seen!
If the details of the story EVER match the excitement Bert feels and wants you to feel while telling it then it will be as big a hit as Bert and his friends want you to think.
I had to at least give it a shot to see if he'd improved or if with the miracle of editing and post production they could make the story palatable. They could not.
Not even a strong supporting cast could save this steaming pile of...steamy stuff that this dumpster fire is.
Bottom 10 movies I've ever seen!
A surprise
neil-47626 May 2023
Warning: Spoilers
An opening credits montage tells us that Bert is an overweight stand-up comedian whose signature routine involves him being a loud, drunk, shirtless, annoying party boy telling an outrageous story about his involvement with the Russian mafia as a student in a train robbery in Russia), a character he has possibly outgrown. We know this because the montage leads to family therapy where we learn that his behaviour has alienated his 16 year old daughter. His relationship with has father was never great to start off with, and certainly shows no signs of improving.
I knew nothing about this film going in, and I'm glad I didn't because it was a joy finding out. There were less than 10 of us in a 100+ screen, and there was a lot of audible laughter as this ridiculous but highly entertaining tale unfolded, complete with gory and ostensibly real bursts of gunplay and martial arts sequences.
The story cleverly layered in parallel commentaries on parent/child dysfuntioality between Bert and his daughter, his father and Bert, and the Russian mafia patriarch and his children. Even Igor had a point to make in that context.
Bert started out as one of those loud obnoxious characters which American cinema seems to think are screamingly funny. I don't. But Bert coupled this with a touching vulnerabilty and a likeably growth in his character arc. This film was pretty up-front and in-your-face, but there was also surprising depth and subtlety here.
I really enjoyed it.
Then I went online and discovered Bert Kreischer is a real person, and the opening montage iscall true, and now I don't know what to think...
I knew nothing about this film going in, and I'm glad I didn't because it was a joy finding out. There were less than 10 of us in a 100+ screen, and there was a lot of audible laughter as this ridiculous but highly entertaining tale unfolded, complete with gory and ostensibly real bursts of gunplay and martial arts sequences.
The story cleverly layered in parallel commentaries on parent/child dysfuntioality between Bert and his daughter, his father and Bert, and the Russian mafia patriarch and his children. Even Igor had a point to make in that context.
Bert started out as one of those loud obnoxious characters which American cinema seems to think are screamingly funny. I don't. But Bert coupled this with a touching vulnerabilty and a likeably growth in his character arc. This film was pretty up-front and in-your-face, but there was also surprising depth and subtlety here.
I really enjoyed it.
Then I went online and discovered Bert Kreischer is a real person, and the opening montage iscall true, and now I don't know what to think...
Entertaining
FeastMode21 June 2023
I have zero background with Bert Kreischer. I had never heard of him before this movie. But with the lack of comedy movies lately, I gave The Machine a chance. And I had a pretty good time with it.
It's pretty funny with an interesting premise. And for a comedy, it's a relatively well-made movie. It has a certain style to it and there are a bunch of cool transitions. And the fight scenes are shot surprisingly well, very clear and easy to follow.
My biggest downside with the movie is that the final act had the least laughs from me. It goes a little heavier on the action side. And while the fights are shot well, the hits are hardly convincing. You can tell they're just tapping the opponent. It almost feels like watching the actors rehearsing the choreography before filming it.
I enjoyed The Machine as a one-time-viewing type of movie. I would like to see Bert Kreischer in other movies with other popular comedians. (1 viewing, 6/20/2023)
It's pretty funny with an interesting premise. And for a comedy, it's a relatively well-made movie. It has a certain style to it and there are a bunch of cool transitions. And the fight scenes are shot surprisingly well, very clear and easy to follow.
My biggest downside with the movie is that the final act had the least laughs from me. It goes a little heavier on the action side. And while the fights are shot well, the hits are hardly convincing. You can tell they're just tapping the opponent. It almost feels like watching the actors rehearsing the choreography before filming it.
I enjoyed The Machine as a one-time-viewing type of movie. I would like to see Bert Kreischer in other movies with other popular comedians. (1 viewing, 6/20/2023)
A comedy/drama which doesn't meet expectations.
sbweightman29 May 2023
Too slow and mature to be a wild comedy, too light and silly to be a serious drama, the film tries to be both and in both cases, falls short. Whilst it may be a functional family drama and add some credibility to the original story, it misses the opportunity to go all out crazy in this "sequel", preferring instead to be semi-realistic. There is some over the top action scenes, slapstick and humour but it's rarely funny and too slow overall. The lead characters are good and it has some appeal, but like the truth behind the original story, it doesn't meet expectations.
Overall score = 3 out of 10.
Overall score = 3 out of 10.
Laugh Out Loud Funny!
wesleyarledge-8683622 July 2023
Okay, so I went into this knowing absolutely nothing about it except that it had Mark Hamill in it.....and it is the funniest film I've seen in ages! 🤣
It's based on the (alleged) true story that comedian Bert Kreischer has told in his stand up routine about how he got mixed up with the Russian Mafia and robbed a train during a college trip with his school, and how that led to his now famous nickname, The Machine. Truth be told, I've seen Bert Kreischer on television and a couple of shows, but I'm not familiar with his stand up, but the movie is absolutely hilarious!!
Kreischer plays a fictionalized version of himself, who is kidnapped by a Russian Braatva (mafia) member who forces Bert and his father (played by Mark Hamill) to accompany her back to Russia to find her mob boss father's priceless pocket watch, that he stole when he was back in college.
For this movie, think the action and humor found in the Deadpool movies, and turn the dial up and that's what you get with this movie! It is incredibly, fall on the floor funny! It was a surprise hit for me! Really great time at the movies!! 🤣🤣
It's based on the (alleged) true story that comedian Bert Kreischer has told in his stand up routine about how he got mixed up with the Russian Mafia and robbed a train during a college trip with his school, and how that led to his now famous nickname, The Machine. Truth be told, I've seen Bert Kreischer on television and a couple of shows, but I'm not familiar with his stand up, but the movie is absolutely hilarious!!
Kreischer plays a fictionalized version of himself, who is kidnapped by a Russian Braatva (mafia) member who forces Bert and his father (played by Mark Hamill) to accompany her back to Russia to find her mob boss father's priceless pocket watch, that he stole when he was back in college.
For this movie, think the action and humor found in the Deadpool movies, and turn the dial up and that's what you get with this movie! It is incredibly, fall on the floor funny! It was a surprise hit for me! Really great time at the movies!! 🤣🤣
Entertainment, it is what it is
sawyervanc18 August 2023
It's funny and it tries to be more than it is. But it works. If you don't like it go watch something else. It's fun, and silly and irritating but will keep you watching. Mark Hamill is great as the overbearing dad to the main character. I actually think it helps that I've never heard of the main character as a comedian or actor before this film.
Overall, as an action-comedy, it's not horrible. The characters are interesting enough to keep the viewers knowing who's who and what's going on. The plot... could use more but works as is. Another review said it with "not bad, not great". Try it, you might like it.
Overall, as an action-comedy, it's not horrible. The characters are interesting enough to keep the viewers knowing who's who and what's going on. The plot... could use more but works as is. Another review said it with "not bad, not great". Try it, you might like it.
How did this movie get released.
hscmnvn28 June 2023
I waited to laugh. Never happened. Maybe two chuckles. The Russian woman had a terrible accent. I was pretty upset about paying 20 dollars on Prime for this. I would have been more mad if I went to the movies. I probably would have walked out. You can't compare this to comedy classics like Step Brothers. Cocaine Bear was brutal but it was much much better.in order to make a comedy it needs to be funny and it seemed to forced and not there. The story sounds interesting but the laughs are not there. I cannot believe this movie got made. Seriously, how much Hollywood sign off in this? Seems like they just made a deal to make a movie with Bert because he's funny on podcasts.
really like the premise
SnoopyStyle29 June 2023
Bert (Bert Kreischer/Jimmy Tatro) is a loudmouthed standup comedian. He's in therapy for his marriage and his angry teen daughter Sasha. He has always told a tall tale from his exchange student days in Russia about a train robbery, but few people actually believes the wild story. It's Sasha's 16th birthday and he's embarrassing her again. It doesn't help that his father Albert (Mark Hamill) has shown up. That's before Russian crime lord's daughter Irina (Iva Babic) takes both Bert and Albert hostage back to Russia. Bert's train story has some truth to it although his imagine in Russia has grown to be a legendary superhuman party animal.
I don't know anything about Bert Kreischer or his act. He apparently tells the train story in his real act. I don't know if it's funny or not. The premise of that story being actually true is a great jumping off point for the movie. I do want the robbery to be much more interesting. Nevertheless, I like the idea of a story having a life of its own unbeknownst to its subject. I like Irina. There could be more heart to her story and her resolution with her father. The movie fades in the second half, but I am really taken with the premise. I'm still not sold on Bert Kreischer. He's a less charismatic discount Kevin James. I really do like the premise.
I don't know anything about Bert Kreischer or his act. He apparently tells the train story in his real act. I don't know if it's funny or not. The premise of that story being actually true is a great jumping off point for the movie. I do want the robbery to be much more interesting. Nevertheless, I like the idea of a story having a life of its own unbeknownst to its subject. I like Irina. There could be more heart to her story and her resolution with her father. The movie fades in the second half, but I am really taken with the premise. I'm still not sold on Bert Kreischer. He's a less charismatic discount Kevin James. I really do like the premise.
Let's play find the comedy.
nederlandhiker-2257122 June 2023
Like most movies the trailer is designed to get the potential viewers to watch. Sometimes the movie is as good as you hoped, other times, like this, it's not.
The movie starts out with stupid in place of funny and that continues throughout the movie. We were hoping that a real comedy would pop out somewhere, it did not, and while we sat watching poker faced, at the very bad acting, poor writing and total lack of humor, we finally looked at each other and agreed that this was another one for the circular file.
The trend in Hollywood when it comes to comedy seems to be the substitution of stupidity for actual humor. Not only does that serve as an indicator that good acting, writing and direction are becoming passe, but confirms the observation that Hollywood and its denizens are fast circling the drain.
A reflection of our society and its dumbing down is wildly apparent here.
The movie starts out with stupid in place of funny and that continues throughout the movie. We were hoping that a real comedy would pop out somewhere, it did not, and while we sat watching poker faced, at the very bad acting, poor writing and total lack of humor, we finally looked at each other and agreed that this was another one for the circular file.
The trend in Hollywood when it comes to comedy seems to be the substitution of stupidity for actual humor. Not only does that serve as an indicator that good acting, writing and direction are becoming passe, but confirms the observation that Hollywood and its denizens are fast circling the drain.
A reflection of our society and its dumbing down is wildly apparent here.
Starts horrendous, gets better and better and ends on a high note
pooz_the_gun25 October 2023
Let me preface this review by saying the Bert Kreischer's The Machine story is one of my all time favorite stand up stories. I can't count anymore how often I've watched it. Therefore, when seeing the Trailer I was hyped. Unfortunately, the movie didn't get a theatrical release in Europe. So I had to wait for it on digital. However, after reading the reviews it wasn't worth 18 bucks for me and I waited for Netflix. Let's get to the movie. I will keep it minimal on spoilers.
The beginning in the states is horrendous. Bert's and his fake family's acting is bad and the conflict between them is very forced and unnecessary to have some artificial unearned 'heart'. The jokes don't land at all.
When getting to Russia it gets progressively better and better. More and more jokes are landing and the finale is actually fun and earned. On a technical standpoint there's still few bad scenes with direction, acting and dialogue but the cinematography and the coloring are gorgeous.
The movie ends on a high note and is funny with some epicness sprinkled in, but it felt overall that there could've been more for it to enjoy it a little bit better.
Summing-up, fun little movie, but I'd probably rather watch the special again or the trailer instead of the movie.
The beginning in the states is horrendous. Bert's and his fake family's acting is bad and the conflict between them is very forced and unnecessary to have some artificial unearned 'heart'. The jokes don't land at all.
When getting to Russia it gets progressively better and better. More and more jokes are landing and the finale is actually fun and earned. On a technical standpoint there's still few bad scenes with direction, acting and dialogue but the cinematography and the coloring are gorgeous.
The movie ends on a high note and is funny with some epicness sprinkled in, but it felt overall that there could've been more for it to enjoy it a little bit better.
Summing-up, fun little movie, but I'd probably rather watch the special again or the trailer instead of the movie.
So bad I couldn't believe it
blankman11118 June 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I expected a simple action comedy, what i got was so bizarrely amateurish I cannot believe they let this happen. It's like a child wrote it, from the self indulgent premise to the nonstop unfunny lines, the whole thing felt like a first draft by someone who'd never put pen to paper before, but constantly self-satisfied with every word. Mark Hammil in particular was wasted, every joke they gave him was so generic and corny and out of place. Not to mention that the entire premise of the movie is that a man is a legendary hero for.... Drinking more than some Russians one night in the 90s? The final "pay off" of him drinking vodka and becoming "the machine" was the cringiest thing I've ever seen on film.
Way better than it has any right to be
coreycpope26 May 2023
This was such a fun movie. It isn't just your standard raunchy action comedy. It deals with Bert coming to terms with his lifestyle and what it means to be a father. Mark Hamill is hilarious. Bert, while not the greatest actor, is surprisingly good. You don't have to be a hardcore standup fan to enjoy this movie. They do a quick summary of the entire "Machine" story to start the movie off so you understand everyone's motivations. If you are looking for a reason to go to the movies and have fun and laugh I couldn't recommend this movie more. A lot of great action scenes that are equally hilarious. Very fun, funny movie.
I laughed a lot
zkswpjz29 September 2023
Bert Kreischer isn't my favorite comedian but his stand up is funny enough. I watched this movie at home over food with my son. I had low expectations but was pleasantly surprised. The humor is sophomoric and the action is ridiculous but I found myself laughing hard and often. Mark Hamill's role is funny. The outlandishness of the Russian accents is outstripped by the craziness of the plot. The themes of parenthood, coming of age, who we hurt and how we heal are campy but not so out of place as to be annoying. If you accept the movie for what it is, a self indulgent navel gazing low brow comedy, you just might enjoy it.
It tried to be funny
dbkarasinski26 May 2023
This movie looked very entertaining in the trailer, but completely fell flat during the actual run time.
I normally can stick with a movie, even when it's bad, just so I can give it a chance. Not this movie though, I made it through about 39 minutes and just couldn't give a crap about any of the characters, the plot or be amused by the "humor".
This obviously was just not for me as there were a few laughs from the small audience that was is the same theater.
I was hoping to see Mark Hamill's character as I believe he is an underrated actor and even that couldn't keep me to stay the full length of the movie.
I normally can stick with a movie, even when it's bad, just so I can give it a chance. Not this movie though, I made it through about 39 minutes and just couldn't give a crap about any of the characters, the plot or be amused by the "humor".
This obviously was just not for me as there were a few laughs from the small audience that was is the same theater.
I was hoping to see Mark Hamill's character as I believe he is an underrated actor and even that couldn't keep me to stay the full length of the movie.
Not bad
bgar-809324 November 2023
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is based of a stand up routine I saw years ago with the same comedian portraying himself with someone else portraying his younger self. It's fairly funny at times but rarely laugh out loud. It does have the same ridiculous premise with how got involved with the Russian mob by partying with them and drinking them under the table while calling himself the machine. They tried to put an emotional element to it with the strained relationship he has with his dad and the one that is beginning with his daughter. It seemed unnecessary for this film to me and I think maybe they should have shown more of what made him the machine (for comedy purposes) than that. The daughter still had to be in danger to get him to go back to Russia but they should have focused on the comedy in my opinion.
Crazy enough to watch
griffithxjohnson28 May 2023
Completely wild that this even exists. Ridiculous & stupid but has some fun parts. Very solid editing & soundtrack. A few really big laughs that are fueled by creative meta humor. But definitely low level screenwriting.
. .
. Completely wild that this even exists. Ridiculous & stupid but has some fun parts. Very solid editing & soundtrack. A few really big laughs that are fueled by creative meta humor. But definitely low level screenwriting.
. .
. Completely wild that this even exists. Ridiculous & stupid but has some fun parts. Very solid editing & soundtrack. A few really big laughs that are fueled by creative meta humor. But definitely low level screenwriting.
. .
. Completely wild that this even exists. Ridiculous & stupid but has some fun parts. Very solid editing & soundtrack. A few really big laughs that are fueled by creative meta humor. But definitely low level screenwriting.
. .
. Completely wild that this even exists. Ridiculous & stupid but has some fun parts. Very solid editing & soundtrack. A few really big laughs that are fueled by creative meta humor. But definitely low level screenwriting.
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