American Dad! (TV Series)

Haylias (2007)

Seth MacFarlane: Stan Smith, Roger the Alien

Quotes 

• Stan Smith : [to Bullock about Hayley]  Sir, I have to tell her it's not just a stupid dream. She needs to know about "Project Daycare."

  Avery Bullock : That you let her be brainwashed and trained as a sleeper agent for the CIA? Oh, yes, that's sure to put a puff in her petticoat.

  Stan Smith : I never meant to hurt her. I thought it'd be fun to have a father-daughter spy team.

  Avery Bullock : Yes, that does sound like fun, but as we learned from "Alias", the idea gets tired very quickly.

• Roger the Alien : My name is Braff Zacklin. I was an international racecar driver. One day, a baby carriage rolled out onto the track so I swerved into the retaining wall to avoid it. The car burst into flames, but the baby miraculously survived. I was that baby.

  Steve Smith : That doesn't make any sense.

  Roger the Alien : I'm Braff Zacklin!

• Stan Smith : Hayley, I'm getting fed up with this orgasm!

• Stan Smith : Klaus, I think I might have done a bad thing. I kind of brainwashed Hayley.

  Klaus : Yeah, I'm sort of reading.

  Stan Smith : She's a sleeper agent and, well, I activated her. She'll do whatever I tell her. Of course, I feel terrible about taking away her ability to think for herself, but it's only for seven days. Then I have to deactivate her or she'll lose her free will. So I've only got until Saturday at 7:35 to make sure she stays on the path to happiness. I know it seems wrong, but it's for her own good. So that's okay, right? What do you think?

  Klaus : I think you only talk to me when there's no one else to turn to. You don't care what I think. You just need to hear yourself talk. I think you're a selfish bastard and I think you can go to hell.

• Stan Smith : Hayley, I just want you to know, everything I did, I did because I wanted to make you happy.

  Hayley Smith : I am happy, Dad. I'm not just gaining a husband. I'm losing a father.

• Stan Smith : [as he aims a shotgun at Hayley]  Hayley, don't make me have to...

  [Hayley takes the shotgun from him and aims it at him] 

  Stan Smith : ... spare your life because you're a part of the family!

• Klaus : [to Stan]  Well, the doctor says you'll have some memory loss, but I'll be by your side through every step of your recovery, my friend.

  Stan Smith : Who's the talking fish?