- Peanut: [to Jeff] How come me and the other guys all speak perfectly, but you keep screwing up? Dude, it's like you had a stroke, and then you stuttered. Oh, now that would be funny as hell.
- Jeff Dunham: What?
- Peanut: A stuttering ventriloquist? We would never get anything done! You couldn't even get out the most basic of jokes.
- Peanut: Are you doing anything to make this world a better place?
- Jeff Dunham: I make folks laugh.
- Peanut: No, I make folks laugh. You are just my caddie.
- Jeff Dunham: Caddie? And what am I carrying?
- Peanut: Me, in the suitcase.
- Jeff Dunham: Walter, you realize I try to keep this show PG-13ish?
- Walter: Well, we're well into the ish.