Psych (TV Series)

And Down the Stretch Comes Murder (2007)

Dulé Hill: Burton Guster

Quotes 

• Juliet O'Hara : Shawn, how do you know this?

  Shawn Spencer : Same way I know that as a child, Lassie wanted nothing more than a pony.

  [everyone stares at Lassiter] 

  Carlton Lassiter : Well, come on, who didn't?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Anyone who wasn't an eight year old girl.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : That's why my friends in school used to call me The G.

  Shawn Spencer : That's funny. I thought they called you Big Head Burton.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Don't you ever say that name! I know it was you that started that!

  Shawn Spencer : I'm sorry, Gus, I have a knack for alliteration. I'm a slave to it. Besides, how many words start with B, really?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : About a thousand. How about bold? Black? Beautiful?

  Shawn Spencer : Who's going to call you Black Burton?

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : Okay, so let me get this straight. You took on this case because you felt bad for Jimmy getting kicked out of school for something he didn't do, and now you've convinced the police to reopen the case that led to Jimmy being arrested for murder.

  Shawn Spencer : Did I ASK for nutshelling?

• Shawn Spencer : Lassie, your childhood must have been pure hell. The good news? I'm available for hugs.

  [Lassiter leaves] 

  Shawn Spencer : Jules? How about it?

  [Juliet leaves] 

  Shawn Spencer : Buddy? It's been a while.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : [rolls his eyes]  Please.

• Juliet O'Hara : Sorry, it's just that little people make me... well, let's just say I had a bad experience with a Christmas elf.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : What, he didn't give you the right Christmas present?

  Juliet O'Hara : No, we dated. And then he dumped me for a dancer from "The Ice Storm on Ice."

  [Juliet walks away] 

  Shawn Spencer : She is an enigma wrapped in a little blond riddle.

• Shawn Spencer : [on Jimmy's outfit]  I think he looks like a tangelo in that outfit. Or maybe a clementine with seeds full of hate.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I think he looks like an evil little Creamsicle.

  Shawn Spencer : You mean Dreamsicle.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : No, Shawn, Creamsicle. They're exclusively orange.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : You always gotta hit it right on the nose, don't you? Why couldn't I be Crockett?

  Shawn Spencer : Because, Gus, you stood in front of the entire third grade class and said, "When I grow up, I want to be Phillip Michael Thomas."

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Well, you said, "I want to be the mascot for the Milwaukee Brewers."

  Shawn Spencer : Dude, he's the biggest sausage in the world!

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : [Gus and Shawn are looking for a tall blonde woman]  Shawn, look. TBW.

  Shawn Spencer : Way to stay on the abbreviation train, Gus.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : You mean the AT?

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : [after finding out that Juan Carlos was having an affair with Jimmy's wife]  Looks like Juan Carlos was taking all Jimmy's mounts.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : He's not getting my lunch money, I tell you that much.

  [Gus picks up a small bat] 

  Shawn Spencer : Great, you can terrify him with your Wally Joyner mini-bat.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Open the door.

  [Shawn opens the door, revealing a very short Jimmy] 

  Jimmy Nicholas : Waddup, boys?

  Shawn Spencer : [to Gus]  That's a good call with the mini-bat.

• Shawn Spencer : Jimmy, what is it exactly you'd like for us to do?

  Jimmy Nicholas : Well, uh... one of our friends from our old school told me about your company. And even though it sounds kinda gay, I thought I could hire you to come down to the track and maybe, uh... psychically figure out what's wrong with the horses.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Okay, first of all, you ride on the backs of mounts while carrying a whip. That's MUCH gayer than what we do!

• [looking at a model of their old classroom] 

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Why is my name on the detention list?

  Shawn Spencer : You were caught eating a Kit-Kat out of the trash can.

• Shawn Spencer : Look, after Jimmy got kicked out of school, there was all these stories about what happened to him: he ran away from home, he got thrown in juvenile hall, moved to a small town in Kansas where they outlawed singing and dancing...

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : The last one is "Footloose."

  Shawn Spencer : That's a coincidence.

• Barry Saunder : Tracks probably closing down after this meet. 25 years I've been doing this.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Why is it closing down?

  Barry Saunder : Well no one comes anymore.

  Shawn Spencer : Is it because of his shirt?

  [points to Henry] 

  Shawn Spencer : Sorry dad, this is like a genocide of color. Somewhere a rainbow is weeping.

• Shawn Spencer : He's not going to kill us... right? I mean, people change. We haven't seen him since the fifth grade.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I don't need to see him, Shawn! Some people are just born evil: the kid from "The Omen", the Children of the Corn, Chad Michael Murray.