- Serena van der Woodsen: Blair...
- Blair Waldorf: What? You want a lift to JFK?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Your mom said you were going to France tonight.
- Blair Waldorf: Well, she has a big mouth.
- Serena van der Woodsen: B, I'm your best friend. She was shocked I didn't know.
- Blair Waldorf: Well, now you do.
- Serena van der Woodsen: What I know is how you felt when I left without telling you.
- Blair Waldorf: Is there a reason you're here?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Stay. Don't let some stupid scandal make you run away like it did me. Like it does everyone in our world.
- Blair Waldorf: Everything's horrible. My whole life's falling apart.
- Serena van der Woodsen: So rebuild it. You're a Waldorf, remember? People don't tell you who you are, you tell them. Stay and fight. I'll fight with you.
- Blair Waldorf: I'm so embarrassed. I'm so...
- Serena van der Woodsen: So what? Start over. It can be done. I should know. We'll get through this together.
- Blair Waldorf: You promise?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Promise.
- Chuck Bass: Let me be more succinct. You held a certain fascination... when you were beautiful, delicate, and untouched. Now... now you're like the Arabian my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore, and I can't see why anyone else would.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Hey guys.
- Kati Farkas: Hey.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I'm not pregnant.
- Kati Farkas: Oh, cool.
- Isabel Coates: Congratulations.
- Hazel: Selibitory drinks after school?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah sure, Blair can I talk to you?
- Blair Waldorf: Of course. Excuse me.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Did you get my text?
- Blair Waldorf: Of course, yes I did but...
- Serena van der Woodsen: So then you know I told Dan I'm not pregnant.
- Blair Waldorf: Yes and I am so happy for you, close call huh.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Are we really gonna play that old game B?
- Blair Waldorf: I have no idea what you're talking about.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Whenever something happens that's not a part of your plan you pretend like it doesn't exist. You act like you're in this movie about your perfect like and then I have to remind you the only one watching that movie's you.
- [pause]
- Serena van der Woodsen: You admitted that your period was late.
- Blair Waldorf: Yes I've been very stressed I had that chem test on Friday.
- Serena van der Woodsen: And your acting like a total bitch because you're not hormonal?
- Blair Waldorf: Maybe I am a total bitch did you ever think about that?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Just take the test B.
- [Serena hands Blair a pregnancy test]
- Blair Waldorf: Stop it!
- Blair Waldorf: Just take the test. You need to know if you and Chuck are gonna have a baby.
- [Serena leaves]
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] What's the difference between gossip and scandal? So glad you asked, UES forever. Anyone can commit a minor indiscretion and generate a day's worth of buzz, but in order for gossip to birth a true scandal, it requires the right person to be in the wrong place.
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Take one "it" girl on a pedestal, add a crowd eager to see her fall, and give them the means to knock her down.
- Blair Waldorf: You're all I have left.
- Chuck Bass: Actually, you don't even have me.
- Blair Waldorf: Enough.
- Chuck Bass: I'll try to be more succinct. You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate and untouched. But now you're like... one of the Arabians my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore and I can't see why anyone else would.
- Blair Waldorf: Look, if you were going to tell Nate, you would have done so in Monaco, but you don't want him to hate you and you know he would. Game over.
- Chuck Bass: Game's not over 'til I say it is.
- Blair Waldorf: Then have fun playing with yourself.
- [walks away]
- Serena van der Woodsen: I need to talk to you.
- Chuck Bass: About getting knocked up? I must say I'm a little disappointed you weren't more careful.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Morning. Anybody notice the weather today?
- Blair Waldorf: What?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Take a look outside, B. My first response would be that the sky is a clear blue easy.
- Blair Waldorf: Dorota, you may be excused now.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I can't believe you didn't tell me about you and Nate.
- Blair Waldorf: What did he say?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Nothing. Chuck did, when I went to see him because I thought maybe he could talk some sense into you.
- Blair Waldorf: You had no right to do that.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I was trying to help you, B. I took a public bullet for you. Let another rumor about me run rampant, the whole school heard, even Dan.
- Eleanor Waldorf: What's going on?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Ask Blair. Her version of the story's always better.
- [looks at Blair]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Fine.
- [Serena leaves]
- Eleanor Waldorf: You alright?
- Blair Waldorf: Never been better.
- Eleanor Waldorf: Well, Serena has. What's wrong?
- Blair Waldorf: I don't know. I can't be held responsible for her mood swings.
- Eleanor Waldorf: Were you arguing about the possibility that your condition may have returned?
- Blair Waldorf: No, and it hasn't.
- Eleanor Waldorf: I heard you. The other day in your bathroom with the water running.
- Blair Waldorf: I'm very stressed, and with you and Serena down my throat, I can hardly think straight, never mind keep food down.
- Eleanor Waldorf: Maybe you just need to take a little break, visit your father. Lyons is beautiful this time of year.
- Blair Waldorf: Maybe this summer!
- Eleanor Waldorf: Summer sounds great, finish your breakfast.
- Nate Archibald: What are you doing here?
- Blair Waldorf: Your mom let me in.
- Nate Archibald: I didn't ask how you got in, I asked why you came.
- Blair Waldorf: To talk, about us.
- Nate Archibald: There's no "us", Blair.
- Blair Waldorf: Yes, there is. We finally really have a chance to start over.
- Nate Archibald: You know all this time I felt so bad for everything I've done. And when you said you wanted to leave the past in the past I didn't know we were talking about YOUR past.
- Blair Waldorf: You had just broken my heart. I made a decision I was in no condition to make.
- Nate Archibald: But you're clear-headed now, right?
- Blair Waldorf: Yes.
- Nate Archibald: You understand perfectly when I say I want nothing else to do with you, Blair. You and Chuck deserve each other.
- Blair Waldorf: You know Chuck would say anything, twist the truth.
- Nate Archibald: But Jenny wouldn't.
- Blair Waldorf: Jenny?
- Nate Archibald: And don't go blaming any of this on her, Blair. I would've found out eventually. I said I'm done. It's over. Now would you please leave?
- [Blair just stands there]
- Nate Archibald: Fine, stay as long as you like, I'll leave.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Hey, B, what's up?
- Blair Waldorf: I can't believe you told Jenny about me and Chuck.
- Serena van der Woodsen: What? I... I didn't.
- Blair Waldorf: Because of her everybody knows the intimate details of my private life and now Nate's not speaking to me.
- Serena van der Woodsen: But I... I told you, B, I didn't tell Jenny. I don't know how she found out.
- Blair Waldorf: Did you tell Dan?
- Serena van der Woodsen: What?
- Blair Waldorf: You did. You told your low-rent boyfriend and he told his social-climbing sister who wears my hand-me-downs and she blabbed to Nate.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I can't believe you're attacking Dan and Jenny.
- Blair Waldorf: Did you or did you not tell him?
- Serena van der Woodsen: I did, but only because you weren't dealing with it and I wanted advice on how to help you.
- Blair Waldorf: I can't believe you don't get it. The rules are different for the Serena van der Woodsens of the world. People expect you to party, and be wild, sleep with whoever you want, run away, come back!
- Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, are we really going back there?
- Blair Waldorf: You shot your reputation to hell a long time ago! It doesn't matter what you do, but I'm a Waldorf!
- Serena van der Woodsen: Well, since you and your reputation obviously don't need me and my low-rent taste, you and the Waldorf name can whether this storm alone!
- Blair Waldorf: With pleasure.
- Penelope: Hey Jenny.
- Jenny Humphrey: Hi.
- Hazel: Are you joining us?
- Jenny Humphrey: Um...
- [Blair walks up]
- Blair Waldorf: What are you doing here?
- Jenny Humphrey: I was just leaving.
- Penelope: No stay. Blair given you can barely manage your own messy affairs surely your not in a position to tell anyone where they can and can't eat.
- Blair Waldorf: Do you realize who you're talking to?
- Hazel: You mean a self righteous b who always sat on her own high horse judging everyone else.
- Penelope: Pregnant little hypocrite.
- Blair Waldorf: Not that it's any of your business but I'm not pregnant.
- Hazel: Nate must be thrilled.
- Penelope: Chuck too.
- Blair Waldorf: What are you talking about?
- Hazel: The whole school saw them throwing down over your G-bass.
- Penelope: The boyfriend and the best friend.
- Hazel: Pretty classy.
- Penelope: Consider yourself dethroned queen bee.
- [Penelope and Hazel walk away]
- Blair Waldorf: Jenny, is highly unlikely that I will ever forgive you for going to Nate but if you walk away from me now, I will also ruin you.
- Jenny Humphrey: How are you gonna do that?
- [Jenny walks off]
- Blair Waldorf: You're late.
- [Jenny just came to meet Blair on the steps on the Met]
- Jenny Humphrey: Yeah I know I had to drop off some books at the library, sorry.
- Blair Waldorf: Could you do me a favor?
- Jenny Humphrey: Anything.
- Blair Waldorf: Move down a couple steps.
- Jenny Humphrey: Ya know this whole hazing thing's getting a bit old don't you think be?
- Blair Waldorf: First of all the hazing stops when I say it stops and for future reference only my friends call me B.
- Jenny Humphrey: You know I'm actually gonna go. I have a lot of stuff to do before class.
- Penelope: Jenny...
- Blair Waldorf: Please she'll be back.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Hey B.
- Blair Waldorf: What are you doing here?
- Serena van der Woodsen: In the neighborhood.
- Blair Waldorf: Can we talk later? Despite your best efforts to ruin it I'm actually having a good day and I don't want anything to spoil it. Guess who asked me to visit 'The Captain' with him?
- Serena van der Woodsen: I dunno Nate?
- Blair Waldorf: Yes, it's like he finally needs me and he isn't afraid to...
- Serena van der Woodsen: Look B I understand why your reluctant to burst your happy bubble but I'm not giving up.
- Blair Waldorf: Well sorry if unlike some people I haven't been on the pill since I was 15.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Ok I am giving up. Before you start planning your perfect night with Nate don't you think you should...
- Blair Waldorf: I'm not pregnant Serena!
- Serena van der Woodsen: Hello?
- Blair Waldorf: Hey S it's B. Two things, first I'm sorry. About Dan, about the Gossip Girl blast, and about not telling you about Nate.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Okay.
- Blair Waldorf: You were just so hard on me about Chuck I didn't want to be judged for sleeping with them both.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I understand. Apology accepted.
- Blair Waldorf: That was fast. If I were you I would've made me work for it a little bit harder.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Well I think you've suffered enough.
- Blair Waldorf: And second thing...
- Serena van der Woodsen: Wait that's already like three things.
- Blair Waldorf: I took the test, I'm not pregnant!
- Serena van der Woodsen: OH, OH oh my gosh are you kidd ing me?
- Blair Waldorf: AAAHHHH!
- [laughing and screaming at the same time]
- Serena van der Woodsen: I'm so happy, you would've had no idea what to wear to a paternity herring.
- Blair Waldorf: Clean slate?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Clean state. I'm so happy, see you at school!
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Looks like the virgin queen isn't as pure as she pretended to be. Who's your daddy, B, baby daddy that is. Two guys in one week, talk about doing the nasty, or should I just say being nasty.
- Nate Archibald: [Nate comes up to Chuck and throws him on the limo] Did you sleep with her huh? You son of a bitch I would've killed you!
- Chuck Bass: Look can we talk about this without your hands around my neck?
- Nate Archibald: Did you give it to her like you do those other girls?
- Chuck Bass: Yes Nathaniel! I took what Blair kept throwing at you and you kept throwing back!
- Nate Archibald: Oh for somehow you screwing Blair for sport is my fault?
- Chuck Bass: It wasn't for sport. She needed someone and I was there.
- Nate Archibald: Oh so you cared about her?
- Chuck Bass: You guys had broken up.
- Nate Archibald: For how long? A week? An hour?
- Chuck Bass: Look I am sorry alright, I know how long you and I have been best friends, okay?
- Nate Archibald: No it's not okay Chuck, from now on you just stay away from me.
- Chuck Bass: Nate...
- Nate Archibald: Did you hear what I said? You stay the hell away from me Chuck!
- Chuck Bass: Show's over!
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] One good scandal deserves another. Wonder who's going down next? Everybody if B has anything to say about it. You know you love me. Xoxo Gossip Girl.
- Jenny Humphrey: [after Rufus spoke to Dan] Well, I've never seen you give up so easily.
- Dan Humphrey: Will you not start with me?
- Jenny Humphrey: Can you not be so easy to start with? Why are you taking his advice? He's old and alone.
- Dan Humphrey: What?
- Jenny Humphrey: Tell Serena again. Without the pregnancy scare. In a quiet, no-distractions kind of way. But then again, what do I know about romance, friends, or anything else?
- Dan Humphrey: No, no, no. Actually, Jen, that's a very good idea.
- Jenny Humphrey: Oh. Right.
- [big smile]
- Jenny Humphrey: What would you do without me?
- Dan Humphrey: Promise me I will find out one day.
- [she responds with taunting chuckle]
- Rufus Humphrey: I need to know how you and Jenny would feel if I went out tonight for a drink...
- [exhales]
- Rufus Humphrey: with a woman.
- Dan Humphrey: Well, I guess I feel that you shouldn't wear that shirt or there will not be a second date.
- Rufus Humphrey: Really?
- Dan Humphrey: Really.
- Rufus Humphrey: Really. Thanks. And now I guess I just have to ask Jenny then.
- Dan Humphrey: [as Jenny enters] Good morning.
- Jenny Humphrey: Hi.
- Rufus Humphrey: Good morning, sunshine.
- Jenny Humphrey: [spots that ratty shirt] Dad...! Where'd you get that shirt?
- Rufus Humphrey: What's wrong with this shirt?
- Jenny Humphrey: Nothing. As long as you don't plan to wear it out of the house.
- Dan Humphrey: It's worse. He plans on wearing it on a date.
- Rufus Humphrey: [uncomfortably] For drinks, if that's okay.
- Jenny Humphrey: Whatever, it's awful.
- Dan Humphrey: [to Rufus] I guess you have your answer.
- Jenny Humphrey: The answer to what?
- Jenny Humphrey: [re Gossip Girl's blab on blog re Blair's bed partners] I saw it.
- Nate Archibald: Yeah, Blair's gonna freak out. I mean, this is a total lie.
- Jenny Humphrey: Yeah, of course it is.
- [but looks down]
- Nate Archibald: Jenny. I know you're friends with Blair. You'd never wanna do anything to betray her, but if you know something...
- Jenny Humphrey: Oh, Blair was never really my friend.
- Nate Archibald: So...?
- Jenny Humphrey: So... yeah. There's something you should know.