- Dr. Kelso: [about giving Dr. Cox's daughter a medicine shot] I would give her a shot, Perry, but this is Scotch and I'm all Hasselhoff'd out.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: You're a piece of crap!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: You're doing great. That hurt.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: I hate your hair!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Impossible. Nobody does.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Didn't I tell you two to treat Mr Meltzer?
- Josephine: [speaking always in her very high-pitched tone] Yes, but he won't let us because...
- Dr. Perry Cox: No, no, no! Remember our new system so that I never have to hear your voice again?
- [Josephine writes something on a post-it and handles it to Cox]
- Dr. Perry Cox: "He doesn't want to be treated by interns" with your "I" dotted with a heart and a little frowny face at the end. It's incredible: your handwriting's actually more annoying than your voice! Regardless, you interns are the future of this hospital, and if you don't treat patients you won't learn. What I want you to do is walk over to Mr Meltzer and say these words: "I'm your doctor. Deal with it". Can you say that?
- Josephine, Boon: I'm your doctor...
- Dr. Perry Cox: [to Josephine] Not you. Never you.
- Boon: I am your doctor. Deal with it.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Peachy.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [narrating] OK, not answering Kim's "I love you" was awkward, but at least it was over.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: So, do you think you could ever be in love with me?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [to himself] Let it go, woman!
- [out loud]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Kim, let's focus on having the baby.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Answer the question.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [to himself] Lie to her.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: And don't lie to me
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Look, I think you're amazing, right? I've mentioned that. And... and even though I'm not, you know, in love with you right now, I really hope that one day I wake up feeling what you said you feel... even though I kinda asked you not to say it.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Do you really hope that?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: With all my heart.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: [sarcastically] Because I always dreamed of finding a guy who hoped he could fall in love with me someday.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Really? That's kind of weird.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: No! J.D., do you actually think that's enough for me? There are a lot of guys out there who think I'm a good catch; the words "cute as a button" have been thrown around on more than one occasion!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I know that, Kim... you're amazing.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Stop calling me amazing, OK? Would you even be with me if I wasn't dropping this kid?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I don't know how to answer that...
- Dr. Kim Briggs: I think you just did... You know what? We're done.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh, what are you talking about? We're having a baby.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Yeah, we are, but I deserve to be with somebody who doesn't need to cross his fingers and hope that he falls in love with me, maybe someday. It's over, J.D.
- [Kim's labor starts]
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Aaaaaargh!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Aaaaargh!
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Get in here with the epidural!
- Dr. Kim Briggs: [in labor] Aaaaargh! I hate you so much right now, J.D.!
- Dr. Donna: Don't worry, all women say that stuff during labor. She doesn't mean it.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: I do! He just broke up with me!
- Dr. Donna: What?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: No, no! Technically I didn't break up with her; I just told her I didn't love her.
- Nurse Shirley: Who did he say that to?
- Dr. Donna: The mother of his baby!
- Nurse Shirley: No, he didn't...
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [to himself] Man, she looks familiar...
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Get out!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: No, I'm not letting you go through this alone.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: I have someone else I can call!
- [Elliot's sleeping; her phone rings; she wakes up and answers]
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Keith, I get it, I ruined your life. Stop calling.
- [on the phone Kim cries in agony]
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Oh hey, Kim!
- Dr. Donna: Okay Kim, you're still a few hours away. I understand you'll be wanting an epidural?
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Yes, but I hate pain so much, I'm hoping there's a pill you can give me so that getting the epidural itself won't hurt.
- [Both start laughing]
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Why does she think I'm joking? I hate her and her chipmunky face.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [beat] Kim, your quiet voice is a little louder than usual.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Look it, I know I called you at home and threatened to kill your dog, but thanks again for coming in there, Dr. Callahan.
- Dr. No-Shot: No problem. It's not like I need a lot of sleep to practice medicine on small children.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Okay, first of all, Newbie, we're talking about your kid, so the whole normal part was never gonna happen. And you didn't mess up his life.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Come on. Statistics show that kids whose parents stay together...
- Dr. Perry Cox: Statistic show? Who cares what statistics show? I mean, look at medicine. 80% of people with pancreatic cancer die within five years. 95% of appendectomies occur with zero complications. But, we both know pancreatic cancer patients that lived and appendix patients that, unfortunately, passed. Statistics mean nothing to the individual. You're either gonna be a good parent to that kid or you're not. I mean, hell, your parents were divorced and you somehow managed to become a relatively successful doctor. And I'm sure there's someone, somewhere who would be proud to call you their son.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Would you be proud to call me your son?
- Dr. Perry Cox: This conversation's over.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: I've been working up the courage to tell you that I'm falling...
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: No! Don't say it.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Why not?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Look, I think you're amazing, but I'm just not ready to say it back yet.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: That's okay. I really hurt you, so it makes sense that you would need more time to get there.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [Voice over] Bullet dodged.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Ah, what the hell. J.D., I love you.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [Awkward pause] Cool.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I'll be in charge of the epidural, and as soon as your ready, I'll have them make you so numb, it'll feel like you're passing a marshmallow.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: But that sounds sticky and uncomfortable.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Passing a unicorn.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: That's a big horse with a horn.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Passing a rainbow.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: That's better.
- Dr. No-Shot: Look, I have to be a doctor to these kids for years. I don't want them bawling every time they see me because they associate me with pain.
- Dr. Perry Cox: [snickers] That's insane.
- Dr. No-Shot: Yeah. And why aren't you giving your daughter the shot?
- Dr. Perry Cox: I don't want her to forever associate me with...
- [under his breath]
- Dr. Perry Cox: pain.
- Dr. No-Shot: What? I didn't catch that.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Pain.
- Dr. No-Shot: Was that the inside voice? You can bring it up.
- Dr. Perry Cox: My daughter to forever associate me with pain.
- Dr. No-Shot: Ironic.
- Dr. Kelso: Of course you had to break up with him. No-one you love should ever sell your car without asking and then blow the money on meth.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: My last few days have all started the same. Saying this to Kim: "You're amazing." And then whispering "I love you" to our baby and hoping Kim wasn't wondering why I hadn't said the same thing to her.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [narrating] There are some images that even doctors can't stomach...
- Keith: Oh... that is so gross I migh vomit...
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Oh, is it the patient with the infected neck wound?
- Keith: Ugh... worse...
- [Elliot arrives]
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Hey guys!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [narrating] ... like the image of your ex-fiancèe.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: How's it going, Keith?
- Keith: You ruined my life.
- [walks away]
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Nice seeing you.