Scrubs (TV Series)
My Hard Labor (2007)
Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian
Quotes
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Dr. Kim Briggs : You're a piece of crap!
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : You're doing great. That hurt.
Dr. Kim Briggs : I hate your hair!
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Impossible. Nobody does.
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Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [narrating] OK, not answering Kim's "I love you" was awkward, but at least it was over.
Dr. Kim Briggs : So, do you think you could ever be in love with me?
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [to himself] Let it go, woman!
[out loud]
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Kim, let's focus on having the baby.
Dr. Kim Briggs : Answer the question.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [to himself] Lie to her.
Dr. Kim Briggs : And don't lie to me
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Look, I think you're amazing, right? I've mentioned that. And... and even though I'm not, you know, in love with you right now, I really hope that one day I wake up feeling what you said you feel... even though I kinda asked you not to say it.
Dr. Kim Briggs : Do you really hope that?
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : With all my heart.
Dr. Kim Briggs : [sarcastically] Because I always dreamed of finding a guy who hoped he could fall in love with me someday.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Really? That's kind of weird.
Dr. Kim Briggs : No! J.D., do you actually think that's enough for me? There are a lot of guys out there who think I'm a good catch; the words "cute as a button" have been thrown around on more than one occasion!
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I know that, Kim... you're amazing.
Dr. Kim Briggs : Stop calling me amazing, OK? Would you even be with me if I wasn't dropping this kid?
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I don't know how to answer that...
Dr. Kim Briggs : I think you just did... You know what? We're done.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Oh, what are you talking about? We're having a baby.
Dr. Kim Briggs : Yeah, we are, but I deserve to be with somebody who doesn't need to cross his fingers and hope that he falls in love with me, maybe someday. It's over, J.D.
[Kim's labor starts]
Dr. Kim Briggs : Aaaaaargh!
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Aaaaargh!
Dr. Kim Briggs : Get in here with the epidural!
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Dr. Kim Briggs : [in labor] Aaaaargh! I hate you so much right now, J.D.!
Dr. Donna : Don't worry, all women say that stuff during labor. She doesn't mean it.
Dr. Kim Briggs : I do! He just broke up with me!
Dr. Donna : What?
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : No, no! Technically I didn't break up with her; I just told her I didn't love her.
Nurse Shirley : Who did he say that to?
Dr. Donna : The mother of his baby!
Nurse Shirley : No, he didn't...
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [to himself] Man, she looks familiar...
Dr. Kim Briggs : Get out!
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : No, I'm not letting you go through this alone.
Dr. Kim Briggs : I have someone else I can call!
[Elliot's sleeping; her phone rings; she wakes up and answers]
Dr. Elliot Reid : Keith, I get it, I ruined your life. Stop calling.
[on the phone Kim cries in agony]
Dr. Elliot Reid : Oh hey, Kim!
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Dr. Donna : Okay Kim, you're still a few hours away. I understand you'll be wanting an epidural?
Dr. Kim Briggs : Yes, but I hate pain so much, I'm hoping there's a pill you can give me so that getting the epidural itself won't hurt.
[Both start laughing]
Dr. Kim Briggs : Why does she think I'm joking? I hate her and her chipmunky face.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [beat] Kim, your quiet voice is a little louder than usual.
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Dr. Perry Cox : Okay, first of all, Newbie, we're talking about your kid, so the whole normal part was never gonna happen. And you didn't mess up his life.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Come on. Statistics show that kids whose parents stay together...
Dr. Perry Cox : Statistic show? Who cares what statistics show? I mean, look at medicine. 80% of people with pancreatic cancer die within five years. 95% of appendectomies occur with zero complications. But, we both know pancreatic cancer patients that lived and appendix patients that, unfortunately, passed. Statistics mean nothing to the individual. You're either gonna be a good parent to that kid or you're not. I mean, hell, your parents were divorced and you somehow managed to become a relatively successful doctor. And I'm sure there's someone, somewhere who would be proud to call you their son.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Would you be proud to call me your son?
Dr. Perry Cox : This conversation's over.
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Dr. Kim Briggs : I've been working up the courage to tell you that I'm falling...
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : No! Don't say it.
Dr. Kim Briggs : Why not?
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Look, I think you're amazing, but I'm just not ready to say it back yet.
Dr. Kim Briggs : That's okay. I really hurt you, so it makes sense that you would need more time to get there.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [Voice over] Bullet dodged.
Dr. Kim Briggs : Ah, what the hell. J.D., I love you.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [Awkward pause] Cool.
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Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I'll be in charge of the epidural, and as soon as your ready, I'll have them make you so numb, it'll feel like you're passing a marshmallow.
Dr. Kim Briggs : But that sounds sticky and uncomfortable.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Passing a unicorn.
Dr. Kim Briggs : That's a big horse with a horn.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Passing a rainbow.
Dr. Kim Briggs : That's better.
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Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : My last few days have all started the same. Saying this to Kim: "You're amazing." And then whispering "I love you" to our baby and hoping Kim wasn't wondering why I hadn't said the same thing to her.
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Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [narrating] There are some images that even doctors can't stomach...
Keith : Oh... that is so gross I migh vomit...
Nurse Carla Espinosa : Oh, is it the patient with the infected neck wound?
Keith : Ugh... worse...
[Elliot arrives]
Dr. Elliot Reid : Hey guys!
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [narrating] ... like the image of your ex-fiancèe.
Dr. Elliot Reid : How's it going, Keith?
Keith : You ruined my life.
[walks away]
Dr. Elliot Reid : Nice seeing you.