- Michael Scott: [discussing Phyllis' friend Sandy] Could we share a rowboat? Could... could a rowboat support her?
- Phyllis Lapin: ...What are you asking?
- Michael Scott: I think I'm being very clear what I'm asking. Would an average-sized rowboat support her without capsizing?
- Michael Scott: [long pause] It bothers me that you're not answering the question.
- Phyllis Lapin: No, all right? No, she can't fit in a rowboat.
- Michael Scott: Dammit, I knew it. I knew it, Phyllis! Okay...
- [Michael prepares to call "Wendy," a girl on one of the cards]
- Michael Scott: Okay, Wendy. Hot and juicy redhead. Let's give this a try.
- [dials on speakerphone]
- Wendy's employee: Wendy's.
- Michael Scott: Hello, Wendy. This is Kevin's friend, Michael.
- Wendy's employee: This isn't Wendy.
- Michael Scott: Oh, I'm sorry. Could you put her on, please?
- Wendy's employee: Dude, this is a Wendy's restaurant.
- Michael Scott: [mutters] Damn it, Kevin.
- Andy Bernard: Okay, so... Help us out.
- Michael Scott: Wish I could, but I can't. Well, can, but won't. Should, maybe, but shorn't.
- Kevin Malone: Michael, please...
- Michael Scott: What part of "shorn't" don't you understand, Kevin?
- [Jim and Pam were joking around about when they would get engaged]
- Jim Halpert: [during interview] I am not kidding.
- [pulls out an engagement ring]
- Jim Halpert: Got it a week after we started dating.
- [in the sitting area, writing down the numbers of women to set Michael up with]
- Stanley Hudson: There's nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card.
- Phyllis Lapin: Well, I'm setting Michael up with my fat friend anyway. He can just deal with it.
- Pam Beesly: Who are you putting down?
- Jim Halpert: Oh, you don't know her.
- Pam Beesly: Who is it?
- Jim Halpert: Your mom.
- Pam Beesly: Yeah, whatever.
- [Jim smiles and shows her the card]
- Pam Beesly: Give that to me! Give that to me.
- Andy Bernard: I left my cell phone in my car.
- Phyllis Lapin: Call us when you get there, so we know you're okay.
- Michael Scott: I think that fate put this catalogue in my hands.
- Pam Beesly: Actually, I put the catalogue into your hands, 'cause you have to pick out a new chair.
- Pam Beesly: Okay, Michael, you know what? I might have someone for you.
- Michael Scott: Oh, really? What's her name, Burger King?
- [first lines]
- Pam Beesly: W. B. Jones is renovating their offices, and their construction crews are taking up some of the parking spaces we used to get.
- Jim Halpert: So we had to park at a satellite parking lot
- [tilts head]
- Jim Halpert: over there.
- Pam Beesly: Which just means we get to see more of our lovely street. Tell them what we saw today, Jim.
- Jim Halpert: Oh, today we saw a junkyard dog attacking the bones of a rotisserie chicken.
- Pam Beesly: Nature!
- Oscar Martinez: I've been here nine years, now all of a sudden I'm supposed to park half a mile away.
- Andy Bernard: I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar!
- Kevin Malone: [on the ground, rubbing his feet and crying angrily] I will quit. As God as my witness, *I will quit*
- [sniff]
- Kevin Malone: if this is not fixed!
- Pam Beesly: Some of us like the walk more than others.
- Kevin Malone: [off-screen] Hurts like hell...
- Michael Scott: Well, I enjoyed this conversation. It was very nice. It was like talking to the sweet, old lady on the bus.
- Margaret: [long silence] That's incredibly rude.
- Michael Scott: Now you ruined it.
- Margaret: Michael?
- Michael Scott: [after taking a look at her] Ugh.
- Margaret: Are you Michael Scott?
- Michael Scott: Is who Michael what?
- Michael Scott: So you... get... the rent checks every month, and... what happens next, what...
- Margaret: Y-you're asking me what I... do with the checks people write to me?
- Michael Scott: Just making conversation.
- Michael Scott: I used to think that I had this perfect person out there waiting for me, but now I know that that's just silly. Because she's dead. What do you do?
- Dwight Schrute: Wait till next year's chair catalogue comes out and find someone who's still alive.