Death Proof (2007)

Kurt Russell: Stuntman Mike

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Stuntman Mike : [Stuntman Mike and Pam are in his death-proof car, but Pam is in the passenger-seat which is in a crash-box]  Well, Pam... Which way you going, left or right?

  Pam : [enthusiastic]  Right!

  Stuntman Mike : Oh, that's too bad...

  [ominous sound effect] 

  Pam : Why?

  Stuntman Mike : Because it was a 50-50 shot on whether you'd be going left or right. You see we're BOTH going left. You could have just as easily been going left, too. And if that was the case... It would have been a while before you started getting scared. But since you're going the other way, I'm afraid you're gonna have to start getting scared... immediately!

• Stuntman Mike : Well damn if you ain't so sweet you make sugar taste just like salt.

• Stuntman Mike : [as he drives]  Hey, Pam, remember when I said this car was death proof? Well, that wasn't a lie. This car is 100% death proof. Only to get the benefit of it, honey, you REALLY need to be sitting in my seat.

  [slams his boot to the brake and sends Pam flying face-first into the dashboard] 

• Jungle Julia : Sorry, it was a one-time only offer and she did it earlier this evening at Anton's.

  Stuntman Mike : No, she didn't.

  Arlene : How do you know?

  Stuntman Mike : I'm good that way. And you look a little touchéd.

  Arlene : What's touchéd?

  Stuntman Mike : Wounded, slightly.

  Arlene : Why should I be wounded?

  Stuntman Mike : Because you expected guys to be pestering you all night, but from your look I can tell nobody pestered you at all. That kind of hurt your feelings a little bit, didn't it? There are few things as fetching as a bruised ego on a beautiful angel.

  Arlene : [Arlene smiles]  Hmm.

  Stuntman Mike : [slowly]  So, how about that lap dance?

  Arlene : I think I'm going to have to give you a rain check.

  Stuntman Mike : Well, since you'll be leaving in the next couple of days, that rain check will be worthless. But that's okay. I understand if I make you uncomfortable. You're still a nice girl, and I still like you. But I must warn you of something -- you know how people say...

  Stuntman Mike : [does an exaggerated Kurt Russell voice-impression]  You're okay in my book, or In my book, that's no good?

  Stuntman Mike : [goes back to his regular voice]  Well, I actually HAVE a book.

  Stuntman Mike : [he pulls out a little book from his back pocket]  And everybody I ever meet goes in this book. And, now I've met you, YOU'RE going in the book! Except, I'm afraid I must file you... under... chicken shit.

  [shows the open book to her] 

  Arlene : [grabbing the book from him]  And what if I did it?

  Stuntman Mike : Well, I definitely couldn't file you under chicken shit then, now could I?

  Arlene : What's your name again?

  Stuntman Mike : [softly]  Stuntman Mike.

  Arlene : Well, Stuntman Mike, I'm Butterfly. My friend Jungle Julia over here says that jukebox inside is pretty impressive.

  Stuntman Mike : Yeah, it is.

  Arlene : Yeah.

  Arlene : [she hands Stuntman Mike his book back]  Why don't you get ready for your lapdance?

• Stuntman Mike : You know, a bar offers all kind of things other than alcohol.

  Pam : Hmm. Really? Like what?

  Stuntman Mike : Women, nacho grande platters, the fellowships of fascinating individuals like Warren here. Alcohol is just a lubricant for all the individual encounters that a bar offers.

• Jungle Julia : [to Arlene]  I think you got Mike laid tonight.

  [the two of them laugh] 

  Jungle Julia : [to Stuntman Mike]  Looking good, Cannonball Run!

  Pam : He's just giving me a ride.

  Jungle Julia : Oh, no doubt.

  Arlene : [waves to them]  Have a nice ride.

  [they go back to laughing] 

  Pam : Look, double-fucks...

  [she approaches them] 

  Pam : ...I am not gonna fuck him!

  Stuntman Mike : [as he lights a cigarette]  I can hear you!

  [Jungle Julia and Arlene laugh and Pam approaches even closer] 

  Pam : He's old enough to be my da...

  Stuntman Mike : I can still hear you!

  [the girls go back to laughing] 

  Pam : Bye!

• Stuntman Mike : [handing Arlene and Jungle Julia beers]  Cheers, Butterfly. The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. And I have promises to keep. Miles to go before I sleep. Did you hear me, Butterfly? Miles to go, before you sleep.

  Jungle Julia : Sorry, Stuntman Burt...

  Stuntman Mike : [angrily interrupting her]  Mike.

  Jungle Julia : Mike. She already broke off that dance.

  Stuntman Mike : Is that true? Did I... miss my chance?

  [Arlene doesn't respond] 

  Stuntman Mike : Do I frighten you?

  [Arlene silently nods] 

  Stuntman Mike : Is it my scar?

  Arlene : It's your car.

  Stuntman Mike : Yeah, I know. Sorry, it's my mom's car.

  Arlene : Have you been following us?

  Stuntman Mike : No, but that's what I love about Austin - it's just so damn small.

  Jungle Julia : [to Arlene]  You seen this guy before?

  Arlene : I saw him outside of Gueros.

  Stuntman Mike : I saw you outside of Gueros, too. You saw my car, I saw your legs. Now look, I ain't stalking you all, but I didn't say that I wasn't a wolf.

  Arlene : So you really weren't following us?

  Stuntman Mike : I'm not following you, Butterfly. I just... got lucky. So, how about that lap dance?

• Stuntman Mike : Get ready to fly, bitch!

• Pam : So what's your name, icy?

  Stuntman Mike : Stuntman Mike.

  Pam : Stuntman Mike's your name.

  Stuntman Mike : You ask anybody.

  Pam : Hey Warren. Who is this guy?

  Warren the Bartender : Stuntman Mike.

  Pam : And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?

  Warren the Bartender : He's a stuntman.

• Pam : [talking about Mike's car]  Are you sure it's safe?

  Stuntman Mike : It's better than safe. It's death proof.

• Stuntman Mike : [screams from his car]  I'm sorry!

  Kim : What?

  Stuntman Mike : I didn't mean to, I was just... playing around!

  Zoë : Oooh, he was playing around...

  Kim : BUT I AIN'T PLAYING WITH YOU!

  [hits Stuntman Mike's car] 

• Stuntman Mike : [in his death-proof car, the driver-side window is gone]  Be careful, my arm is broken!

  Kim : [roughly grabs Stuntman Mike's broken arm]  Oh, THIS one?

  Stuntman Mike : OWWWWWW!

• Pam : Is that cowboy wisdom?

  Stuntman Mike : I'm not a cowboy, Pam... I'm a stuntman.

• Juana : [in the bar]  So, how'd you become a stuntman?

  Stuntman Mike : I learned it from my brother.

  Juana : And who's he?

  Stuntman Mike : Stuntman Bob.

• Stuntman Mike : [about Jungle Julia]  What did she ever do to you?

  Pam : We went to school together from kindergarten through high school. That's what she did to me. She was her height right now at 12. She was a monster. Half the guys she still fucks she used to terrorize in the fifth grade.

  Stuntman Mike : And she used to beat you up and take your chocolate milk, huh?

  Pam : That pituitary case? Might have kicked my ass a couple of times... sorry, I'm built like a girl, not a black man...

• Pam : Hey, Warren! Is there anybody in this place you could vouch for to give me a ride home?

  Stuntman Mike : [tosses his keys across the bar]  Fair lady, your chariot awaits.

• Pam : So what's your name Icy?

  Stuntman Mike : Stuntman Mike.

  Pam : Stuntman Mike's your name?

  Stuntman Mike : You ask anybody.

  Pam : Hey Warren. Who is this guy?

  Warren the Bartender : Stuntman Mike.

  Pam : And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?

  Warren the Bartender : He's a stuntman.

• Pam : [seeing his car]  Wow, that's fucking scary.

  Stuntman Mike : Yeah, well, I wanted it to be impressive and... scary tends to impress.

  Pam : Is it safe?

  Stuntman Mike : No, it's better than safe. It's death-proof.

  Pam : How do you make a car death-proof?

  Stuntman Mike : Well, that's what stuntmen do. You've seen a movie where a car gets into some smash-up there ain't no way in hell anybody's walking away from?

  Pam : Yeah.

  Stuntman Mike : Well, how do you think they accomplish that?

  Pam : CGI?

  Stuntman Mike : Well, unfortunately, Pam, nowadays more often than not, you 're right. Tsk. But back in the all-or-nothin' days. Vanishing Point days, the Dirty Mary Crazy Larry days, the White Line Fever days... real cars smashing into real cars. Real dumb people driving 'em. So, give the stunt team the car you want to smash up, they take her and reinforce that fucker everywhere and, voila! You got yourself a death-proof automobile.

  Pam : That makes sense. I just didn't know you could make a car death-proof.

  Stuntman Mike : Well, I can drive this baby into a brick wall doing 125 miles an hour. Just for the experience.

  Pam : Why is your passenger seat in a box?

• Stuntman Mike : [after getting shot by Zoe and speeding off. He drives to a remote road, and observes his wound in his arm in pain]  AAAAHHHH!

  Stuntman Mike : AHHH, GOD! No! No, no, no!

  Stuntman Mike : [Tries touching the wound]  AAHHHHHH! No, God!

  Stuntman Mike : [Pulls a whiskey bottle out of his glove compartment, and tries to open it with his teeth]  Ah, come on! Come on!

  Stuntman Mike : [Drinks the whiskey, then pours it on his arm]  AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! God! AAHH! No, no! No, God!

  [Calms down] 

  Stuntman Mike : Okay, get it together man...! Come on, what are you? What're you gonna do...? God...!

• Kim : [a high-speed car chase. Kim is ramming her car into Stuntman Mike's car, directly in front of her.]  Oh, you 're gonna wiggle your ass at me? Gonna wiggle it at me? Oh, don't like it up the ass, do you, you redneck lunatic bastard?

  Stuntman Mike : Agh!

  Kim : Oh, yeah, I'm gonna bust a NUT up in this bitch right now! Oh, I'm the horniest muther on the road! I'm 'bout to BUST a NUT up in this bitch!

• Stuntman Mike : [before he charges his car at Kim, Abernathy and Zoe's car a second time]  NOW!

  [he places his foot on the accelerator]