- [Mark has just finished a gym session with his new personal trainer]
- Matt Townsend: Well done today, dude. You slacked off a bit on the treadmill at end. Remember, Mark, a champion is someone who gets up even when they can't. OK?
- Mark Corrigan: OK, yeah.
- [voiceover]
- Mark Corrigan: That's probably exactly the kind of bullshit I'm going to need to believe in my new life.
- [Mark has declined to take a shower, telling Matt that he'll have one at home where has a special showering "system"]
- Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Ugh, that was horrible. Now he probably thinks I'm embarrassed about the size of my penis. When in fact I'm not, I'm much more concerned about my misshapen scrotum.
- [Jeremy has agreed to tell Matt that Nancy fancies him]
- Nancy: Thanks! You're awesome, Jez.
- Jeremy Usborne: [voiceover] Oh yeah, I'm awesome all right, I'm an awesome shit. I'm the cuckoo in the nest, the python in the toy box... and quite possibly, the man of your dreams.
- Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Maybe it would have been simpler just to kill him. I should know how to kill someone by now, I've watched enough CSI.
- Jeremy Usborne: We should get together, you know, have a drink, reminisce.
- Nancy: About what? The time you screwed the next-door neighbour right after I moved in?
- Jeremy Usborne: Or the good times? You know, the Robin Williams DVD marathon?
- Nancy: Come off it, Jez. You said he was a moist-eyed camera-hogger.
- Jeremy Usborne: Oh come on, mate. How am I going to see Nancy again if you don't give me a pass? She clearly hates me.
- Mark Corrigan: Well, maybe you should take that as a sign.
- Jeremy Usborne: I'm not giving up that easily. Faint heart never won fair maid.
- Mark Corrigan: Right. The epigram that starts the stalker's manifesto.
- Nancy: Look Jez, I'm not going to get back with you. But, if we're working together I guess we may as well try and be friends.
- Jeremy Usborne: Exactly. We'll be friends, like the friends on "Friends"!
- [voiceover]
- Jeremy Usborne: Who were such good friends they got bored of being friends and starting screwing each other.