- Special Father #1: When archaeologists unearthed the Black Sea shrimp forks, the Vatican arranged for them to be sent to us in San Francisco. These forks are part of the legendary Last Serving Set and one of the few utensils in the world that can pierce the heart of the anti-christ.
- Special Father #1: No, no, no. I appreciate that you over-nighted them, your holiness. - Yes, I know it's expensive. - They're 2,000 years old, I know, I know! - What can I say, this is, uh, this is my fault. We went to yoga, and we had to sign up, and it was a whole- it was a... Anyway, tomorrow we'll make sure someone will be here to sign for it.
- Lucy: I know Sinsperations!
- Satan: You do?
- Lucy: Yeah, I actually wrote a letter to them once! I had this amazing idea for a...
- Satan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Daddy doesn't wanna hear Baby's ideas about dildos.
- Lucy: No, it's a vibrator! It...
- Satan: No, no, no, no, no. I don't want to hear this.
- Lucy: Dad! So prudish! I'm a big, BIG masturbator.
- Satan: Bye!
- Lucy: I thought you knew that about me! It's one of my things!
- Satan: Bye!
- Lucy: You know what? I would love to come in and do product testing.
- Satan: Bye! Shut my phone!
- Lucy: Oh! Do you have a "Bring Your Daughter To Work" Day?
- RandomKid: What are you doing?
- DJ Jesus: Oh, I'm holding my arms out for three days and three nights. To break the world record. Y'know, we're also podcasting and videoblogging.
- RandomKid: Yeah? How do you go to the bathroom?
- DJ Jesus: A catheter.
- RandomKid: How do you go poop?
- Judas: That'd be me, right here! You wanna try it?
- RandomKid: Oh, boy, can I?
- Judas: Yeah, is it cool with you, Jesus?
- DJ Jesus: Yeah, it's all right, man!
- RandomKid: Thank you!
- Judas: Okay. Hold it under him.
- DJ Jesus: Here we go...
- Judas: Kid, hold it under him!
- RandomKid: Um... I don't wanna- Oh. Oh!
- Special Father #2: For two minutes I'm in the bathroom, and the guy comes! It's not my fault!
- Special Nun: Oh, I doubt it was two minutes!
- Special Father #1: Okay. Settle down.
- Special Nun: He reads US Magazine COVER-TO-COVER in there!
- Special Father #1: Sister, settle down! It says we can pick it up tomorrow at the distribution center.
- Special Nun: These are some of the most sacred artifacts of the Christian world!
- Special Father #2: I don't read US Magazine!
- Special Father #1: Thank you, Father...
- Special Nun: Yes, you do!
- Special Father #2: I DON'T!
- Special Nun: Yes, you do!
- Special Father #1: Sister, walk away! WALK AWAY!
- DJ Jesus: So many people have come by today and said that it doesn't look hard, what I'm doing, to hold your arms up like this at a 90 degree angle or higher is... I say, try it, okay? Try it. Most people can't even do it five minutes, forget about three days... I mean, come on...
- DJ Jesus: Yeah, they're stuck like this, um... some kind of paralysis. But I've got a great medical team. I'm not worried. We're going to fix it.